I understand the feeling of being at an all time low, all to well, occurring too many times in my life. I'll admit I've never won and lost 20 thousand within a few days, what a wake up call that must feel like. Was this your first time winning and putting it all back in? Have you ever tried to completely quit before? I know I'm a complusive gambler, it's an addiction for me. That is why I quit. It's not easy, but it's possible by taking it one day at a time. If you could attend a GA meeting you'd learn about this addiction. It's a nasty one. It takes money to feed it and it doesn't care if that money was needed for survival. Addicts lie to stay in action. They can't seem to enjoy regular life, the simple things, the important things and the day to day things, their thoughts are on the casino. Ugh, it's hard to write about, but I never want to forget how it felt when I last gambled, and how it feels now when I haven't gambled in 67 days. This isn't my first time in recovery. I call not gambling being in recovery. There's lots more to it, but it starts with desire to stop the insanity.
Let's not gamble today, one day at a time we will grow stronger.

I know exactly how you feel, I turned $1000 into $20000 5 times in 2017, only to lose it all and then some. A lot some. Still can't get myself to tell my wife. Haven't yet conquered this illness. Have tried to stop but keep feeling the urge. Now in therspy. On Day 8 today. Longest time in a year. The urge is strong. Not going to lie. This is a real fight. I don't have a lot of advice other to say you're not alone. I'm there too. We can beat this.

I am happy that you are taking that step to stop gambling. I gambled on Saturday and still beating myself up about it. The urge it strong. Know that you have support from the group. We need to share our stories so that we can help one another.

I don't know how to deal with this low...This is the worst, I've won 5 or 6 thousand and put it all back but this time 20 thousand is something else...I should've stopped as soon as I won. This addiction is something else.

join our wednesday meeting, posting it now..

The only way to deal with it is to walk away, decide you are not doing it again. Get help if you need to, I did. Many states supplement the cost of gambling addiction treatment. You can find out what resources are available to you by calling the National Council on Problem Gambling at 1-800-522-4700 - It is a 24/7 manned help line, you can call them to talk for a bit they can tell you where your nearest resources for help are in your area.
The depression is partly the physical withdrawal from the dopamine that compulsive gambling gives us in massive doses. It takes 90-120 days of not gambling to re-regulate the dopamine to normal levels.
You might want to make a list of things you can do for 20 minutes that cost little or no money that can occupy your thoughts when you have a thought to gamble or an urge. Art work or anything creative will give some relief to depression and anxiety and actually grows new pathways in our brains.
It is time to revive old hobbies and make new ones - revive old friendships and make new ones - find a face to face support group, start being honest with yourself and others. You might consider writing a "goodbye letter" to gambling: writing out all the reasons why you don't want it in your life anymore - then it helps to re-read it whenever you have an urge to gamble.
You will want to learn ways to deal with unpleasant situations in a healthy manner - counseling about childhood issues, trauma, grief and loss that are unresolved often helps us get at the roots of our gambling problems. It is time to examine false beliefs about gambling you may hold. I had the false belief that I could get ahead by gambling, that gambling was harmless fun and that I was not hurting anyone. I came to realize that I can not get ahead by gambling, it is not fun nor harmless and that I was hurting myself and all those around me that cared about me. I also needed to decide that I deserved a better life than a life of hell I had dished myself by gambling.
I compulsively gambled for over 4 decades - it eventually became a living hell that every waking minute of every day, was filled with either thoughts of gambling, thoughts of getting more money to gamble with or actually gambling. When I lost all sight of the other things I love and care about I gambled more and more. It culminated in felony charges for using money that was not mine, attempted suicide and bankruptcy. (I was emotionally and spiritually bankrupt too.)
I am now 2 years and nearly 6 months since my last bet. I feel better physically, mentally and spiritually than I have for my whole life, I am the best person I have ever been. (Not perfect but still a work in progress.) Progress, not perfection is my favorite 12 step axiom.
You can do this - right now do anything and everything you can to not gamble - that is your only goal.
Hang in there.