I know how you are feeling. I have done the same thing. Remember how you are feeling today, but forgive yourself and start over. I am wishing you love and peace.

Hi Sandee, and welcome to the forum. I could have written that post myself. Only the money amounts would be different. It is such a vicious cycle, once you start writing those checks. You actually feel like you really have no recourse. You NEED to win just to cover what you have already lost.
By this time you know that we, as compulsive gamblers do not have the capacity (for the most part) to win and walk away. If we do that, it is far and few between. A guy at my meeting calls it "temporarily holding their money", which I think is very true. Because if we do happen to win we will return and put it all back...and more!
Get off the mad carousel. Do what you have to to stay away. DO read as much as you can here and other places. You are not alone, and you are not a bad person. Gambling makes us do things we would never have believed possible. But it is possible to stop.
I know right now you are completely overwhelmed, but you will get past this. Keep your head up and keep coming back to the forum. You might try other things. Many people here go to counseling. Maybe you can give GA a try. It (and DS) has worked for me. Don't give up hope. It really will get better...If you put down the shovel, and move away from the hole. Hugs, ~atticus

I feel your pain. My situation is much the same. Let's do this together. I am also starting over.

Hi Sande and welcome to a place where you will find lots of support and people who've been through the exact same thing as you describe. The hopelessness, sick feeling about how you're going to stop doing something that's hurting you and your loved ones in so many ways. I'm 40, have been a compulsive gambler (casinos, slot machines) for about 7 years. I too decided I had to stop in order to save my sanity. Same as you, started out fun and recreational (with my husband). Stayed that way for maybe a year before I started sneaking around, going by myself and feeling guilty about it. The money amounts increased, my betting increased, and at the bitter end I would never "win" because I was putting every red cent back into slot machines trying to cover losses or get even or just spend one more minute in my escape of gambling dream land. My first step after confessing most of the truth to my husband was to call 1-800-GAMBLER. The people there are trained in how to deal with problem gamblers and have been wonderful to me. I called and cried and sobbed and could barely get a word out, and they were not judgmental or shaming or any of the stuff I was afraid of. They asked for my permission to set me up with a therapist in my area and they actually made the appointment for me.

Please don't beat yourself up and please do reach out for help. I learned after several times of trying to stop gambling on my own that I could not do it without help. Every time, I would get sucked back in by the addiction voice in my head, telling me it was okay to go back, that I missed it, and I would succumb. You are most definitely not alone, and you have come to the right place! (((((HUGS)))))))

Hi Sande welcome to the forum. i know exactly what you are going thru. you are not alone. think most of us started out as casual gamblers ...then it progressed to more and more. it is not hard to get into this vicious cycle. Dont beat yourself up too bad. i know its easier said than done. hang in there and try to think pleasant thoughts of how much better off you will be gamble free . best wishes to you, Johnny

We know exactly how you feel. Welcome! We are all here to support one another. You have come to the right place. Use this forum as often as you can because it is extremely helpful.

Hello, I am new to this forum, 1st day. I will say that I feel like all of you right now. I am in Germany and work close to a resort area that has a small what they call "game room" not really a casino. I have won many of times the highest probably $2500.00 and this year I already have about 14 W-2s because I did not want them to take taxes. But with these winning comes my stress and depression. I will use up my salary and even bill money just to play slots. I don't cash checks but I transfer money from one account to the other to use for the slots hoping that I win that amound that I transferred and deposit it and then keep my winnings. This weekend was my lowest. Digging for money to buy milk and using different debit cards to do this. I didnt win this weekend so now I am in the whole $600.00 dollars plus all the returned fees. Now I will be down this amount next payday having to rearrange the bill payments. I have used the rent money and bill money and all though it is only my husband and I in Germany we do have a college student that we support almost 100%. I always make my husband go with me and say things like, "I have better luck when you or you can play $100.00 play 50 cents and then he loses and I loose every cent in my wallet. We are being distant to each other, he tells me that this is not for him and that he DOES NOT want to go to this place anymore and I believe him. Right rent is due, bills are due and I have exhausted all my lending agencies. To top it off there are NO medical facilities such as "gambling annonymous" as this is a very small resort area. Closest medical facilities are all 4 to 5 hours away. I joined this forum with hopes to just talk and see if this helps me. I do exercise almost 4-5 times a week and do love to travel. There are so many things I can be doing here in Europe but choose to have my regular dinner date with my husband every Friday followed by going over to this game room, if I lose I go back on Saturday to try to win the money back and if I win I still the same and go back and lose all my winning. I am soooooooooo tired of this life, I have a good husband that I hope not to lose because of my stupidity. I will go to this forum as much as I can for words of wisdom to keep me from this horrible horrible thing that I am doing. Much love to all of you from Germany.

Remember when gambling was fun? The reason we are here is because gambling is not fun anymore!
Incentive to stop. "Gambling is a fun sucker."
What has helped me is thinking about the ride home after I have lost my money. Incentive to stop!

Thankyou all for your support and encouragement. I'm trying hard to stay strong and avoid the casino. So far I've managed to stay away but that darn inner voice and urge to try to "win my money back" is tough, but I just keep reminding myself how aweful I feel after and it helps to keep me away. One day at a time. I hate how much I've given to casinos but today they loose cause I'm on here instead!! Hoping for strength for everyone!!!

I am on day 1 too and just found this site. So far it seems we are all like-minded. We all have a problem but of different shapes and sizes. I am struggling financially now too, it is awful. Fight the urge today and I will try to do the same. Take care,

JJ

That pain you feel when your done and how you feel the next day is the worse part.

always start over. today is a new day. never give up there is hope and god can get us thru this gambling addition. i have urges every day i just have to stay strong can continue my journey thru life. gambling needs to not be a part of my life. barbara

I did the same thing last night. I feel out of control and spent money I shouldn'thave spent. Sometimes, it is like I am on auto-pilot to the casino. Usually I don't plan to go, it is a spur of the minute decision. My family thinks I can just "stop" and though i would like to think I can, it seems stress and other life issues guide me right there. Does anyone have any suggestions? Best to you and take it one day at a time. At least I am hoping it works for me. I am usually a rational person and think doesn't even make sense to me. I really know what you are feeling.

I screwed up and went to the casino the other day :( I'm so frustrated at myself. I want so badly to stay away from casinos. I don't understand myself....why would I give them my hard earned money?? I do so well managing my life in all other areas but get me in a casino and I have zero control and make stupid decisions. I so regret the drive home....I cried this last time because I let myself down. I don't want to do the casino thing anymore!! I hate them and the person I become in them. I'm praying for strength and support to beat this. I now have to buckle down and get my bills under control. I can't afford to screw up anymore. I've backed myself into a corner and only way out is avoid the casino and fight the urges. I will NOT win my money back and I can live so much better and SAVE $$ if I can stay away. Thankyou for reading and being understanding. I know my mom and family are worried about me and my gambling too. Im tired of letting myself & family down. Please God give me the strength to beat this addiction. I'm so hating myself right now and depressed and it's all because of my crappy choice. Today I start again and am going to give it my ALL to stay out of the casinos.

I can tell how badly you want this, because you came right back. For the longest time (think years), I knew I had a problem. Just as you say, once you are in the casino -everything goes out the window. For a normal person it wouldn't be hard to stay away or to control their actions...but we are not them. We are compulsive gamblers who are COMPELLED to gamble at any cost. What was once fun and entertaining, has for us, morphed into a sinister activity that we can NEVER go back and enjoy "just for fun". No matter how much we wish it could be so (I know I do) it can never be again.
There is a story about the pickle. Once a cucumber has become a pickle it can never be a cucumber again. We can never go back to how it was. I wish you the strength to keep coming back and seek out any resources available to you in your local community. Counseling, GA, whatever you can find, and DO keep coming back to this site. It has been an invaluable source for me.
Hugs, ~atticus