96 days in recovery. End of a long week, super busy, and although I love what I do, I can tell you, tonight I'm tuckered out. And tomorrow I am working again, looking at properties, etc. Today on my way home, I reflected on my Friday nights, when I wasn't in recovery.

Even if I had work, or responsibilities the next morning, I would convince myself that I would go play poker for a few hours and come home in time to get my work done. Of course, that didn't happen. I swear, I have no idea how my co workers never knew about my gambling problem. I missed work, but not a lot, even when I would be out all night, I would "clean up the mess" and go to the office, after no sleep for over 24 hours. Dark circles under my eyes, clearly not feeling well, but I went to work. I would tell people I had the flu.

My head wasn't in the game, and I wasn't productive, but I would work. Today, my head and my heart is in the game, I work hard, I always have, but now, I don't have the nagging feeling that I have to get to the casino, or sick over the lose from the night before, or even if I didn't lose, the lack of sleep and my health issues.

96 days in my recovery, and I'm not feeling the urge, at least not today, although I am guarding myself for when it does happen. Yesterday I had to drive by a huge bill board on the freeway, with big arrows pointing to a huge casino, and to be honest, I saw the big red sign and thought, nope, not today.

I'm not angry at the casinos, dealers, etc. When I quit before, I remember being angry, and wanting to post signs up on the front of the casinos, not to go inside, and when I would drive by one, I would flip it off lol. I'm not angry at the casinos, I'm not angry anymore at anyone, including myself. This addiction, is just that, an addiction, and I am in recovery, today, I am in recovery. Anger is a waste of my energy, and gives the casino or my addiction way to much credit, way to much of my much needed energy.

Make it a good weekend my fellow warriors. xoxoxoxox