Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
how this gambling sickness pervaded every aspect of my life.
When I first came here, I was obsessed with the financial destruction I had wrought. Filled with regret, shame, guilt, scared, you name it. Now, after just a few weeks, I see how much of my mind,my life, was consumed with gambling. Even though I spent only one morning a week at the casino, I was thinking about it almost all the time.
Friday morning I would head to the casino with $200. Just a little bit of money, right? I could budget that in, right? Be up, then down, then hit the ATM for another 4-6 hundred dollars. After the binge I would be obsessed with how to juggle the bank account so checks wouldn't bounce. Friday night I would feel sick to my stomach, panicky, the whole feeling like a piece of sh*t experience.
All weekend I would be worried about Monday's account balance. I would feel guilty because I had lied about where I was on Friday morning. I couldn't look my husband or children in the eyes because they were the blissfully unaware victims of my sickness. I would promise myself I wouldn't do this ever again.
Monday I would watch my email continuously to see if my bank had sent me an insufficient funds alert. I would call and cancel automatic drafts. I would lie and say my paycheck would not be deposited for one reason or another. I would call friends and ask for a short term loan.
Tuesday I would relax, because I had successfully pushed everything back another week. Tuesday was my only "real" day, but it wasn't REALLY real. It was as much a facade as the other days, I just wasn't worried about the money as much,
Wednesday I would start my magical thinking. I can go to the casino with $200 on Friday morning, parlay it into $600, and mitigate the previous losses a little bit.
Thursday I would be thinking about the casino all day. Setting my clothes aside for my Friday morning excursion. Feeling this sick sense of anticipation. Eager for the day to end so Friday could arrive.
Then Friday morning....$200....$600...$800...sick.
So I allowed this sickness to grow, impacting me every day. I lied every day. I was anxious every day.
I'm done.
When I first came here, I was obsessed with the financial destruction I had wrought. Filled with regret, shame, guilt, scared, you name it. Now, after just a few weeks, I see how much of my mind,my life, was consumed with gambling. Even though I spent only one morning a week at the casino, I was thinking about it almost all the time.
Friday morning I would head to the casino with $200. Just a little bit of money, right? I could budget that in, right? Be up, then down, then hit the ATM for another 4-6 hundred dollars. After the binge I would be obsessed with how to juggle the bank account so checks wouldn't bounce. Friday night I would feel sick to my stomach, panicky, the whole feeling like a piece of sh*t experience.
All weekend I would be worried about Monday's account balance. I would feel guilty because I had lied about where I was on Friday morning. I couldn't look my husband or children in the eyes because they were the blissfully unaware victims of my sickness. I would promise myself I wouldn't do this ever again.
Monday I would watch my email continuously to see if my bank had sent me an insufficient funds alert. I would call and cancel automatic drafts. I would lie and say my paycheck would not be deposited for one reason or another. I would call friends and ask for a short term loan.
Tuesday I would relax, because I had successfully pushed everything back another week. Tuesday was my only "real" day, but it wasn't REALLY real. It was as much a facade as the other days, I just wasn't worried about the money as much,
Wednesday I would start my magical thinking. I can go to the casino with $200 on Friday morning, parlay it into $600, and mitigate the previous losses a little bit.
Thursday I would be thinking about the casino all day. Setting my clothes aside for my Friday morning excursion. Feeling this sick sense of anticipation. Eager for the day to end so Friday could arrive.
Then Friday morning....$200....$600...$800...sick.
So I allowed this sickness to grow, impacting me every day. I lied every day. I was anxious every day.
I'm done.
Now he has not gambled for over a year and he said he will never go back there is was a horrible place to be .In his words the worst place ever .
so it can be done .
He is now a lovely person again .
My best wishes to everyone .
You can do anything if you really want to X
http://www.websitetoolbox.com/tool/gb/twest1117
Thanks again for posting, you not only help us, but also help yourself in the process.