Hi Toey
The only way to take your life back is to stop gambling completely. Self ban from the casinos if that's what it takes. Put as many roadblocks between you and gambling as you can. I like GA. It has helped me a lot. Its been 4 months since I quit gambling. I decided to stop supporting the casinos and start supporting myself instead. It's not easy, but it is very worth it. Stay strong, you can do it!
Hugs
Lisa

Hi Toey,

Just reading your post reminded me of how lethal this addiction is... Been through your situation multiple times and it never ends, short amount of time to forget everything but equivalent to lifetime of pain. Please, YOU NEED TO STOP NOW. DO IT!!! Call 1.800.GAMBLER and ask for help.

Gambling addiction is not easy, it is life changing. For us compulsive gamblers, sigh.... It never ends...

Please, seek the help you urgently need, it is not too late..

D

I feel you. I did about the same this weekend and I feel so ashamed. But, I have determined that it is my last. I am going to pick myself up and move forward. I also want my normal life back; and I'm taking it back! Join me and take yours back. I know it won't be easy, but we'll feel so much better and hopefully be at peace.

Toey, I 'm so sorry that you have not figured how to quit this thing for good. You only fail when you quit trying. I want to take you by the shoulders and give you a gentle shake and say to you "you've got to save yourself". There is no knight in shining armor coming to your rescue. You've got to decide what it's going to take to quit this thing and then you've got to take action.... sometimes massive action. You have everything inside of you that you need to beat this thing. You can have that life back. You can even have a better life. xoxo - lisa

Hey Toey-
You need to stop gambling, period, end of story.
My wife and I were talking about life after gambling and meetings and the way we pay bills now, etc. She said something so simple- well, it's just our life now, that's all there is to it. That's how you get your normal life back. The thing is, it may not be "your" normal life, but, in fact, it will be "a" normal life.
I know it sounds simplistic, but it's also an undeniable part of what we're dealing with. Unfortunately, we got caught up in the addiction. The first step is realizing that we were indeed, caught up and that we ARE compulsive gamblers. The subsequent steps aren't that easy, but absolutely crucial. I use both GA and DS to keep on the straight and narrow and I know that GA isn't for everyone, but the basic steps and processes are still very, very important.
More specifically, as Lisa said self banning seems like a very good move for you, IMO. I would also ask someone close to you to oversee your money- paying bills together, a joint account, something to keep the fuel from the fire. If you don't have someone close to do that, I would say reach out to local GA group.
I'm not that long into abstinence, but I can tell you that it's a great feeling to not worry about the drain on my accounts and paycheck and stress and everything else bad that comes with gambling.
Best of luck, Toey- I know you want to stop, we're here and I'm here for you- stay strong!
Jay

Thanks everyone for all your comments. You have almost made me cry, because you all care so much and understand and share my pain. I feel so ashamed I have let you all down.

After I have paid off my credit card this week, I WILL close it, and post it here!

Girlieo - let's do this together!

My Dear Sweet Face, Toey,

I was so thrilled to see you posting and active on the board again, and I'm so sorry for not having responded to you earlier than this. We have been through a lot, buddy, no? We were here back in the days that Yvegas and Dewit were posting things left and right about this freaking monster addiction we have, what we need to do to bring tranquility to our lives.

We went through some firestorms of debate, or more nicely put, lively discussions of ways in which to grab this lion by the tail and tie it up. I remember the posts you made about sitting outside of the casino in your car....about the woman you had strong feelings for that didn't quite work out...about the error made in your favor on a payout from a jackpot.

I know you are hurting and in pain right now. I understand you haven't quite reached that point in your life where you know which way to turn. Believe me when I say this....you are loved much, much more than you realize from the people here in this forum. You've got to find a way to start loving yourself for the person you know is within you. Not the one that continues to put their hand over the open flame of an ignited stove burner.

You know how much I enjoy inspirational quotations and thoughts...mainly because they infuse me with a sense of purpose and direction. Some of the ones I am about to share with you have been placed in the ITC II (Inspirational Treasure Chest II) post started some time ago, while others remain to be incorporated. But these, I share with you here, in hopes that they might ignite a different flame of purpose and meaning for you as you contemplate that which you choose to do:

1. ". It's not about how you achieve your dreams, it's about how you live your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself, the dreams will come to you.". Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture.

2. "Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you DO have power over instead of craving control over what you don't.". Steve Maraboli

3. "Champions have the courage to keep turning the pages because they know a better chapter lies ahead.". Paula White

4. "You can't expect a different outcome, by doing the same thing over and over again.". YVegas

5. "A person cannot not expect milk by plopping a chair in the middle of the pasture, and expecting the cow to back up to the chair." Anonymous

6. " The only way we can live is if we grow. The only way we can grow is if we change. The only way we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed, is of we throw ourselves out in the open. Do it...throw yourself!". Anonymous

7. "Instead of cursing the darkness, light a candle.". Benjamin Franklin

To close this post (my apologies for it's length) I share one more quote, a true gem, that resonates the feelings I share for you:

"I offer you peace. I offer you love. I offer you friendship. I see your beauty. I hear your need. I feel your feelings.". Mahatma Gandhi

Be well, my dear Toey....now is the time to decide....to gamble or not...that is the question?

We will be here for you, through thick or thin, because that is who we are.

Much Love, Tagg

Oh my god Tagg, I read your post earlier at work and it brought a tear to my eye. The fact that you remember my story was genuinely touching.

I want you to know that you have a friend in me for life.

Toey, Buddy. I hate to see you in such pain. Everybody here has your back. We want you to succeed as much as you want it for yourself. As Jay has said GA may not be for everyone, but won't you give it a try? You surely have nothing to lose, and possibly everything to gain. They have these groups called pressure relief groups that counsel people on their finances. My best to you, Brother.
Keep the faith. You WILL make it. Hugs ~E

I feel your pain...I was exactly were you were 3 years ago. I kept beating myself up over every loss and how stupid i could be for continuing to do it. How could I not beat this on my own?how could something so easy be so difficult? It all unravelled when my partner found my credit card bill...just like you that is how I was funding my nasty habit. I had finally been caught and had no choice but to face my demons or my partner of 7 years would walk away. I had to finally do something about my gambling problem,many a times I had read the little pamphlets found around a casino asking the questions in order to recognize whether or not you had an issue and I would answer yes to pretty much all of them, but was always to afraid to do anything as I was worried of how other people would view/judge me. I am happy to say that although early in my recovery I did have a slip I have now been gambling free for just over 3 years. It wasn't easy, but with support I got through it. I joined this site, I went to GA meetings and a local program called AADAC. I believe if I can do it anyone can...I had a debt of over 30k and now it will be all paid off by the end of this year. I can sleep better, I can enjoy life and even save money to travel :) I can't say that I don't think about gambling because that would be a lie but am aware of how it ruined my life. Whenever I get an urge I just play the tape back in my head and remember where I was as compared to where I am today. Stay strong and don't beat yourself up! It is a disease that has taken over so go and find a cure for yourself. One day at a time is all you can promise to yourself and next thing you'll know 3 years from now you'll be writing this to someone else that's struggling with this horrible disease! :)

I went thru 800 fhe past week. Not at the casino but on scractchers and lottery tickets. 800 the prior month. It is bad because I should have used my savings to go see my granddaughter who I have not seen in 2 years. But No I am going to solve the problems of my world and win the lottery. Sure right. Even if I win it wont be enough because I can stop gambling. Please God remove this obession