That damn Casino is something else! I read what you wrote and I really don't know what to say other than forgive yourself. My rock bottom was wanting to kill myself because I was destroying my life over and over again which I remember everytime I'm triggered. This allows me to tell HELL, NO, I won't go, and I don't. Years of sleepless nights and countless tears finally got the best of me and I finally died, to myself. Gave up! Realized that I can not go the Casino and gamble responsibly. It won't happen! The National Association of Problem Gambling is at 1-800-522-4700 if you need someone compassionate to talk to and direct you to local resource. I'm praying for you! Love and God Bless. Topeka 2013!

I got received yet more devasting news today, the indirect result of Casino Days. For one second the thought, "What if you go and win" popped in my head and the very next instant the words, "YOU CAN'T SOLVE A PROBLEM WITH THE SAME BEHAVIOR THAT CREATED IT" shut that diseased voice whispering in my ear down. Immediately. Losing your husband is your focus, but what about finding yourself? What your triggers are? Where this gambling behavior is coming from? Are trying to escape? From firsthand experience, I know that what we don't deal with, will deal with us! I'm no stranger to sleepless nights. And in the last two days, I've finally been able to face a legal consequence that's troubled me for a year now. Throughout that time, I wanted to run to the Casino, but I played the tape to the end. Saw myself skipping in, and giving the greeter who say, "Come again" a stare that said if looks could kill, they'd be dead. Like I was. That's what the Casino did for me. Killed my emotions, finance, drive, relationships, mental health, physical health, relationships...etc. I'll be damned if I go back there! Hell no, is easy for me to say, mean and live. Because in spite of everything that I'm facing, I'm alive. I'm here! I've done my part and GOD will do the rest! For the most part I'm at peace. Now why on earth would I throw all that away for another trip down Insane Lane? I won't. Hell, NO! Topeka 2013

Cathy -
Be proud of yourself - you can do it!! Starting over is tough, however the fact that life gives you an opportunity to start over each day is a blessing. I like you blew everything - all my 401K's, etc - I could sit and cry, and continue to feel the guilt, but I must go on , start fresh forgive myself - I was in so deep again back in April - when I just had enough - I was so sick of being sick from gambling everything away and trying to win my money back - so delusional - everytime I would lose, lose, lose and I wanted to vomit on the casino floor and try to walk out of there with my head up high only to drive home in daze - we all understand we have been there!! This site has helped me so much - reading, sharing, writing - people are here for you!!! Don't give up - your family is top priority - stop the madness - you can do it, I know its easier said - however its possible - I have done it since April and my life is getting back to normalcy - i have never felt better - main reason is because now I can give myself fully to others and also be REAL true blue to me and know that I matter - my choices matter - making the choice to stop - I know its a maddening addiction, however there is life after you stop, you can be human again - you can stop thinking about it - I have!!!

Someone must have whispered something in your ear-that's what I talking about, Cathy. Back up on the horse, girl....give it another shot. Every time you do you increase your opportunity to for success.

I hope you've had an opportunity to read the post "How to help my Mom with her gambling addiction" written by the very brave and courageous daughter/son of a compulsive gambler. It could be anyone of our daughters/sons...writing that about us! The writing couldn't be any clearer on the wall. This addiction not only destroys our souls, it sucks the life out of those who love us. We feel helpless, They feel helpless!

Dig down deep inside...get the fire in your belly...and give it all you've got! Today, I will not gamble. Tomorrow start anew....Today I will not gamble! Fight with all your might, to stop this monster from taking everything from you. You've suffered enough, and so too has your family.

Be well, my friend...be strong...we're by your side!

glad ya got threw the day without gambling and hope each day to follow gets easier for ya.

Congratulations on making that choice to start over. You cannot do it alone- maybe even speak with a doctor or consuler if GA is not an option.
How about volunteering with your time instead of gambling- maybe in a homeless shelter or soup kitchen. This may give you a new perspecitive on life. Maybe if you don't have a job- find one. It will give you a sense of responsiblity.
Head up high-we are all in this together!

Dig deep to find the real problem as to why you gamble. Otherwise you will never stop. External calamity does not seem to stop us from dropping our very last dollar on the table or in the machine. Loss of friends loved ones. that just gave me more time to gamble without lying about what i'm doing. I seemingly don't have anything to lose. Divorced , no children few friends and family. I keep my distance from most people and am kind of a loner. Still my gambling has caused my life to erode beneath my feet. The reason I gambled was because i could sit there and be part a new reality where things actually upside down really. Money was given to you for absolutely no effort just randomly. people catered to your every wish. That's until the money ran out then you were treated like the guy at the party no one invited. Its a dream world. Its time for us to stop dreaming and wake up.

HI CJoe, First of all, congratulations. All any of us have is one day, You say you have quit 200 times. It really only takes once. But it has to be the right once.Speaking from my own experience [and that's all I can do]. You have to want it. Truly want it. I always told myself I will just go this one last time, then I will be good. Well, as you know, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. I am not a bad person, I do not think you are a bad person. This is addiction. Once we put ourselves in the position to feed that addiction all hope is lost. We become not ourselves, we become our addiction. Even the last month I was gambling I kept thinking to myself "what is it going to take?" I know you have been struggling with this for a long time. You are in my thoughts and in my prayers~Atticus