Hi Friends,

I have been dragging my feet for months, nearly a year on getting thru some recovery work.  

I'd like to go thru the steps, not get so delayed, not have to do them perfectly -- just do them and then keep reworking them over my lifetime.    I don't resist that concept, because I think the steps are a pretty good outline for me in "a simple way to live".

I was talking to program friend today about "the dark box".

She was lamenting opening that evil memory box that held all the wreckage, damage, misdeeds, ill will, and dark thoughts, traits and actions are held deep deep in our minds, from our past mostly.   Part of the fourth step work.

How the big DREAD of even going near it was overwhelming. 

I had a similar reaction in working to finishing my fourth step.  

I had an idea.   If I drew a picture of what my IDEAL life would be.   If I could see what that looks like, and make notes of activities, people, adventure, every possible dream no matter how unobtainable it seems.   If I could do that sort of positive vision board MAYBE that would help allow me to open the box.

The feeling that I will not fully move forward without cleaning the wreckage of the past is daunting.   Just doing it, without the "carrot", blind to the incentive doesn't seem to work for me.

I know this future self will be different than I imagine.   HP will have a large part in my existence as will earthly events --- but identifying a life I'd love, and then using that as a possible outcome for me to do the hard work, seems to give me more concrete incentive.

Does that make sense?