Welcome to the group. You're among folks who have been where you are, and who understand those feelings of desperation and guilt. Change is possible! One of the best pieces of advice I got when I started in recovery was just breathe, and do the next right thing. I still rely on that all the time, because my tendency is to try to tackle everything at once. You may want to call the Nat'l Gambling Helpline to find out what support services are available in your area. 1-800-522-4700. Read through posts on this forum, too, because there's a lot of wisdom and support here. It gets better, one day at a time.

I am so sorry, rose, you are suffering. Your short post reeks of desperation and despair, it is all too familiar. Four years ago today I was still gambling, well on my way to financial, emotional, and spiritual bankruptcy. I would attempt suicide twice before October of that year.
In October of 2014 I reached out for help and began a treatment program that included 1x1 counseling, GA meetings, attending educational classes about gambling addiction, inner child therapy, art therapy, grief and loss workshops, attending a support group, journaling, using affirmations, mindfulness, keeping a gratitude diary and doing anything and everything to stop gambling. I still did not get quit for 2-3 weeks Nov 8 2014 is the day I made my last bet.
Life is full of hope, honesty, color and opportunities today, I am glad to have another day to be here. I got here one day at a time just doing the next right thing. You can too.

welcome, i know that feeling all too well, yes, you do suffer = but they you stabilize and start thinking thinks are OK, and then you go and do it all again

read...read...post post, use the diary to get the feelings out

it a journey...but so worth it...

Welcome to our group
The gamblers guilt can be overwhelming. Isn’t it odd that the same guilt could trigger us back into action? I’m still suffering with my self imposed guilt. Even for things I had no control over at the time, things from my long ago past. I’m working on this negative behavior on a daily basis, in my recovery.
When gambling I was a wreck of guilty lies! I felt as though I deserved to drag all that guilt around with me as my punishment for living a double life. I even felt like I could handle the guilt, that was a bunch of you know what....crap.
I know it’s taken me days to respond to this post. I couldn’t find the words. Just know that one day at a time you can change your life, it’s 100% up to you.
I want this new way of living and thinking for the rest of my life, one day at a time.

This thread is making me think about guilt (I have DONE bad things) vs shame (I AM a bad person). It's something I've learned about in my support groups over time and continue to work on. As I understand it, guilt, while painful, can also be helpful because it tells us we need to change our behavior, make amends to people we've hurt, etc. It's not fun, but it can lead us to change for the better. Shame, on the other hand, is usually the result of how we've internalized other people's judgments and behavior towards us over the course of our lives, and it's paralyzing. I can still remember the "aha moment" I had in a group once when the leader told us "It is not your job to carry that heavy burden of shame." It had never even occurred to me that 1) I could let go of the shame that was keeping me stuck in hopelessness, and 2) my bad actions didn't make me a bad person. Just food for thought on this day-at-a-time journey. Today I will not gamble.

Glad you found this group.
You want to stop? That is big -- we call it step 0 is recovery programs.

A miracle is waiting for you. GA meeting nearby? This could be a huge step to your new life.

Also -- get online w/ you tube etc. and RESEARCH addiction. Gambling Addiction.

This is no different than other addictions. It is behavioral - but it has hi jacked your brain as if it was a hard drug.

Thank you all for your support. It helps not to feel alone. I have not gambled since I was here last but I’m afraid I will. Just trying to keep my resolve.

thats a month...that's great