At the time I won I felt higher than a kite, but I would never take all of my winnings home, I would put a lot of it back into the machines. Then I would leave being disgusted with myself on one of those few events that I had a good win. Also, I would go back as soon as possible and try to win again on the same machine and that did not happen again. I only ended up losing more money.

For me it is never enough. I am damned if i win and damned if i lose. I can't stop when I am gambling.

The reason I ask is, I think winning creates a false sense of security which feeds into the addiction.

When you win, you feel like you're on top of the world, and almost as if it was by skill rather than luck. That makes you think you can do it again, and that's what gets you back to the casino.

So you have another go, and end up losing not only what you previously won, but more. Now you want to chase your losses to get it back. You might win a bit back, and there's that winning feeling again.

You feel like a winner. You've skilfully made some money - even if you're really just making back what you lost before, but who cares, right? Because you just won some money!

The psychology behind this, I think, is a large part of the addiction.

Hi Dear sweet face Toey and everyone else.....hope everyone had a gamble free and happy Memorial Day weekend.

In response to your post, I never felt like I had an addiction when I walked out after a win, nor when I walked out penniless. In retrospect, that was the biggest problem, for I had a COMPLETE disregard for money, due to my addiction. I just refused to admit to my addiction. I always, however, felt like a confused, yet strategic statistician, because each visit (win or loss) forced me to solve a series of math/logistical problems that presented themselves based on the outcome of the most recent excursion.

My last big win presented a number of issues that had to be addressed. It was Nov 2011...5 mos prior to reaching my "enough is enough" point. Embarrassingly, this is how it played out:

I went to the casino by myself, intending only to lose (how sick is that) $200. Went through that in a matter of 3 hours, visited the ATM machine and did a cash advance for $300. Lost that, then when back to the "printing press" to grant myself another $300 cash advance. Was down to my last $100, the whole time playing video poker. I told myself that when I got down to $50 l I would get up and leave. At $65, I caught a Royal Flush-yeah, I was pretty happy thinking I had won $ 1,000 (under taxes, no WG-2 tax form ect). Enough to cover my investment and "borrowed money". The slot attendant came over and asked me for my ID...a bit perplexed, I asked why there would be a tax form...she said "Because you are playing $.50 loaded....you've won $2,000"!

Me? Oblivious but grateful for the extra surplus...but my next thought was "Holy Crap, I can't deposit this into my "virtual" checking account (ING), otherwise my significant might peek/check into my account, and question me about the deposit.". Then I'd have to fess up to the fact that I was STILL gambling!

I did cash out and had in my pocket $1,900. My mind immediately went to work on how to "hide" the money, and yet and still, get the cash advances covered and PIF. I wound up opening a local checking account with TD bank. Deposited 16 one hundred bills that day (and kept thinking the whole time that the clerk was sizing me up as a drug dealer). Since the new account was not known, nor accessible to my SO, all was good. I immediately paid $1,600 to my credit card to cover the that day's cash advances, and another $1,000 I had borrowed from a previous "relaxation" trip to my favorite casino a few weeks earlier.

THEN.... for the next 4 months I agonized over what impact this would have when I had to file my tax return in April 2012, and worried incessantly how I would explain to my SO that I was not getting a return, but in fact, I owed taxes!!!!!!

Today, reflecting back on this entire reality, saddens me beyond comprehension....the deceit, the dishonesty, the shell game I not only played with myself, but with a person I dearly loved (and still do)! I know, in the deepest part of my soul, today....I NEVER hope to to do that to myself, or another human being, ever....ever again. My last bet was April 15th, 2012...ironically enough....TAX DAY...2012!!!

My post is long, but I put this out here, in hopes that others may be able to see with a bit more clarity...a bit sooner than I did...the insidious nature of this gripping disease.

Do it now, do it today.....say "I'm mad as he'll, and I'm not going to stand for this, nor do this anymore!!!"

I wish nothing but the best for each of you, and pray that you will see the fruits of your labor, by taking it one day at a time, and saying...

"TODAY, I WILL NOT GAMBLE!"

All the best to you and yours...be well and stay strong!

Love always,

Tagg

Thanks for sharing tagg, loved it.
Gosh, you have to pay tax on your winnings?!