Hi sosick, I'm not sure if you've already stopped gambling, are trying to stop or where you are in that process. But I can tell you that it is very difficult to tell a spouse in particular because you're probably using shared money for your gambling. I've had to confess to my husband several times in my gambling "career". Each time it was painstakingly difficult. I was full of shame, so any shame he dished out on top of that was almost unbearable, and I cried my eyes out and just kept telling him how sorry I was. The way I handled it in my head was to expect the worst. . . I expected him each time to want to leave me. So each time when he did not leave me, I felt like it could have been worse, if that makes sense.

I think you need to prepare yourself for the fact that she will have strong feelings about it, and she is allowed to have those feelings. I tried to explain to my husband that it is a sickness, that I was not in control of myself when I was gambling, and that I could not overcome urges to gamble. I don't know if your wife has ever been addicted to anything but if she has, you can liken your need to gamble to her addiction. Otherwise, you can assure her that you are going to stop gambling to the best of your ability and that you are prepared to get help for it.

Call 1800Gambler if you haven't already. They will put you in touch with a therapist in your area who they know has experience helping people with compulsive gambling. If you want to, call them before you tell your wife, so you have something concrete to tell her that you've already done about it.

About your shame. . . I think most compulsive gamblers feel it. I was full to the brim with it at the end of my gambling this last time. A therapist can also help you deal with it. I can tell you that I've not gambled in 1 month and I already feel relief from the shame I was inflicting on myself. I was lying daily to my husband, about where money was going, about what I was doing and why I didn't get other things done, etc. It's an awful feeling and even if your wife is very angry at you when you tell her, you will feel some relief just telling her the truth.

Best wishes, and I feel for you!

Good Morning Sosick
There is a saying in 12 Step Programs that goes like this " We are only as sick as our secrets.So to start your recovery from your illness you need to let those around you know what is going on as you will need their support.Also suggest you find some counseling in your area and a GA meeting.This illness of ours can't be cured but it can be arrested One Day At A Time with the support of others with the same problems you are currently facing.Wish you well as you start your journey.
God Bless
Ken L A Grateful Recovering CG

Hi so sick,
I'll second both responses given so far and want you to know that all of us have been there, too. For me, telling my wife was the beginning of my recovery and more importantly, NOT telling her before then really greased my slide into the abyss. The constant lying and constant chasing the winner that would make me even destroyed me. When I finally came clean to my wife I could literally feel the weight lift from my shoulders. I could finally face what I had been doing and the clouds around my judgment began to clear. The timing is up to you, but as the old saying goes- everything comes out in the wash. If she doesn't know something now, she certainly will in the end.
Good luck brother,
Jay

I thought those same exact things. I "was" known as the strong one of my family. I was the dependable one. I was the one everyone came to with their problems. I was that person in the family. And it nearly killed me keeping the secret that I wasn't "perfect".
I started out by telling a therapist (I was physically sick before and during that first appointment). Then I told the easiest person to talk to in my family... just a little, not everything. Then I told my fiancee..... everything. And I was so ashamed of myself.
It turned out that after everyone knew that I was flawed, they all still loved me. And I was released from that self-imposed prison of having to be perfect, having to put on that "everything is okay" face while I was dying inside.
Set yourself free from your secrets. Leave your pride at the door. It's okay that you have made mistakes and you can come out of this a better person than you were before it all started.