Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I have gambled off and on for the last 30 years. About 15 years ago I was gambling on a regular basis and lost about $10,000 on credit cards over the course of 4 years. I went to GA and counselling and did fairly well staying away from the casinos and slots. Many traumatic life events took place and then we moved. I know even with the counselling I have never gotten over the events that took place.
Two years after we moved, my husband lost his job that we moved for. I worked part time as one of our daughter's was diagnosed with cancer. He was off work for a year. We have three chidren at home. I kept looking for full time employment, but could not find anything. I got further and further depressed. My husband finally got a job that was a huge decrease in pay from his previous job, but it was a job. I started gambling again. Even with the unemployment, we managed to keep a good credit rating, I am not sure how. My gambling spiraled out of control as my depression increased. I finally got a full time job, but by then I was $75,000 in credit card debt within a year and a half that my husband didn't know about. I could not afford all of the payments. I started spending my paycheck at the casino to try and get money to pay the credit card debt. I now have lost my job, totally unrelated to my gambling, and have all this debt and my credit rating is shot.
My husband and my teenage childlren know about my gambling. My husband has threatened to file for divorce if I keep gambling, rightfully so. Part of my unhappiness has been that I feel he totally ignores me and my needs and has for some time, so there are times that I think, maybe that is what should happen. I have attended some GA meetings, but they are an hour away, and unfortunately close to a different casino that I have now frequented when I was supposed to be at a meeting. I have banned myself from my local casino, only to go back and find out they really don't care that I banned myself, even paid me a handpay that I promptly put back into the machines. (yes, Michigan Indian casino). It did take me several months to go back to that one, so my number of visits had definitely decreased.
A big part of what keeps me going back is how awful I feel that I have dug this impossible financial hole that there seems to be no way out of. My son is disgusted with me, go figure. I disgust myself. I have been to counselling, but now that I don't have a job, we can't afford to pay a counsellor. I have already used up my "assisted" counselling through the state.
Most recently I spent my entire unemployment check at the casino and quite by accident withdrew $250 out of my husband's account as it was linked on my card before he took my name off. I have now given him my check cashing card and my debit card. I have no money and have to beg for money for gas and cigs. I hate what this addiction has done to me. No longer is there any resemblence to the person I used to be. I used to be responsible, caring, dependable and loving. My husband does not trust me, which I can't blame him.
With all of the hurt, lies, financial struggles and pain I have caused, you would think that I would be able to say "enough". I value myself and my family more than this. Which I do, for a few days. Then, the remorse sets in, The shame overwhelms me. I feel totally worthless and helpless and I go back. I truly do not want this life to be my legacy. I just can not seem to care enough about me, or anyone to be able to stop this for any length of time. Those that have any length of recovery under their belt, can you explain this to me? I feel so weak and lame. I just can not seem to find any joy or strength to stay away.
I am hoping by giving up my card to him, this will help. How do I gain the strength to begin a new life of joy, honesty and respect? I feel like I have hit bottom so many times, but just do not have the strength to pick myself up out of it. I feel so alone. Please, any suggestions would be welcome. Thank you for reading and listening to me.
Two years after we moved, my husband lost his job that we moved for. I worked part time as one of our daughter's was diagnosed with cancer. He was off work for a year. We have three chidren at home. I kept looking for full time employment, but could not find anything. I got further and further depressed. My husband finally got a job that was a huge decrease in pay from his previous job, but it was a job. I started gambling again. Even with the unemployment, we managed to keep a good credit rating, I am not sure how. My gambling spiraled out of control as my depression increased. I finally got a full time job, but by then I was $75,000 in credit card debt within a year and a half that my husband didn't know about. I could not afford all of the payments. I started spending my paycheck at the casino to try and get money to pay the credit card debt. I now have lost my job, totally unrelated to my gambling, and have all this debt and my credit rating is shot.
My husband and my teenage childlren know about my gambling. My husband has threatened to file for divorce if I keep gambling, rightfully so. Part of my unhappiness has been that I feel he totally ignores me and my needs and has for some time, so there are times that I think, maybe that is what should happen. I have attended some GA meetings, but they are an hour away, and unfortunately close to a different casino that I have now frequented when I was supposed to be at a meeting. I have banned myself from my local casino, only to go back and find out they really don't care that I banned myself, even paid me a handpay that I promptly put back into the machines. (yes, Michigan Indian casino). It did take me several months to go back to that one, so my number of visits had definitely decreased.
A big part of what keeps me going back is how awful I feel that I have dug this impossible financial hole that there seems to be no way out of. My son is disgusted with me, go figure. I disgust myself. I have been to counselling, but now that I don't have a job, we can't afford to pay a counsellor. I have already used up my "assisted" counselling through the state.
Most recently I spent my entire unemployment check at the casino and quite by accident withdrew $250 out of my husband's account as it was linked on my card before he took my name off. I have now given him my check cashing card and my debit card. I have no money and have to beg for money for gas and cigs. I hate what this addiction has done to me. No longer is there any resemblence to the person I used to be. I used to be responsible, caring, dependable and loving. My husband does not trust me, which I can't blame him.
With all of the hurt, lies, financial struggles and pain I have caused, you would think that I would be able to say "enough". I value myself and my family more than this. Which I do, for a few days. Then, the remorse sets in, The shame overwhelms me. I feel totally worthless and helpless and I go back. I truly do not want this life to be my legacy. I just can not seem to care enough about me, or anyone to be able to stop this for any length of time. Those that have any length of recovery under their belt, can you explain this to me? I feel so weak and lame. I just can not seem to find any joy or strength to stay away.
I am hoping by giving up my card to him, this will help. How do I gain the strength to begin a new life of joy, honesty and respect? I feel like I have hit bottom so many times, but just do not have the strength to pick myself up out of it. I feel so alone. Please, any suggestions would be welcome. Thank you for reading and listening to me.
You are not alone and you are not to blame for how you feel. The "rush" you get from gambling that makes you feel better after feeling ashamed is dopamine releasing in your brain. If you are "addicted" to anything, it's the dopamine rush you get. And there is medication for that.
I hope this helped.
you say you went to counseling and GA and stayed away pretty good.
well, then traumatic events and maybe your husband not paying enough attention may have caused the relapse.
I have been learning that I need new coping skills.
New ways of addressing the life events that causes so much anxiety.
There are many books and counselors etc that can help with this.
And in your marriage..please do use all of the tools you can find to try to make it work, get that spark back....because starting over is such a bugger. You have no idea, I have been single most of my life and got married for a short time and divorced quickly. I know now that I was not making good choices and with gambling as well have made a lot of bad choices that I so wish I could change.
We can't of course, but that is why you are here..trying to get the tools to make some good choices and change the ones you can.
good luck on changing for the better and keeping that man.
Without a doubt I am a Compulsive Gambler. I did try a medication that is supposed to help compulsive gamblers. I believe it is a medication to help alcoholics and/or drug addicts, but supposedly helps compulsive gamblers as well. Unfortunately I got violently sick from it, so could not take it. I am on Wellbutrin for depression. Not sure what else could be used for dopamine suppression?
Unfortunately I do not have the money for a therapist at this time. I am behind on several bills, besides all my credit cards that I can't pay for. I am hoping by giving my debit card to my husband, it will help to keep me from gambling and hopefully if I keep getting unemployment that is something I could pursue in a month or two. I have not thought of my gambling as the result of compulsive behavior. That is something I think I will look at closer. Possibly that could help me to understand this better. All I know is that it is so hard for me to stay on track.
I do well for a month or so, then I allow it to take over once again. However by saying I do well, I am just saying that I stay out of the casino. I can't say that I am feeling joy or feel that things have really gotten better, if that makes any sense?
I am so driven to understand this thing that has
control of me.
Reading another post "delete the need to understand" helped a little.
Right now I am just putting all the hinderances in place and praying.
I too let myself get into debt like I'd never been before.
I will be out shortly and don't ever want to see that place again.
This site really helps but you might want to consider a gambling counselor and GA mtgs.
anything and everything you can do will be helpful in some way.
the very best to you.
keep posting.
Unfortunately there is no pill that can cure this disease. In fact, it is incurable and it only gets progressively worse over time. I've been through the mill in a very thorough way twice and the first time around I thought I could control it on my own. That actually worked for quite a while, but I did get caught up eventually again. I bring that up only to say that you need to really put the shovel down and stopping digging the hole. Even though the financial hole you've written about seems insurmountable, I can guarantee one thing- it will only get deeper if you keep gambling. When you do that, life will get better- maybe not overnight, but soon enough as time passes by. Once you really own that you are a compulsive gambler and know that gambling has taken over your life can you make a change. As a re-read some of this it sounds a bit harsh- it's not intended to be hurtful, but it is intended to be an honest take on the process. We have all been stuck in the same vicious cycle you've described- it never ends (and the cycle can sometimes surpass the gambling itself), until you end it. Please draw that line and take a stand. We're here to support you and share our experience- take hold and start the dig out of the hole we've all dug.
Jay
I find that focusing on how I feel after I've lost all of my money is the biggest reason to stay out of the casino.
That sickly feeling
Stomach in knots
Brain scrambled
Light headed
Crying
Numb
Can't cry
Pissed off
Scared
Disbelief
What did I do
Why didn't I just leave
What do I do now
Where am I going to find money to take care of my family
The list goes on and on and on and on and on............
When we get to this point we are just tired. We have to stop. Life is too short to be sad all the time. Hang in there and find something else to focus on. Go to GA, come here to DS. When you get the urge, come here to DS. There is always someone here to talk to.
We're in this together.
Be strong.
Peace, love & blessings
I am horrfied to realize how I have allowed this to take over my life and I am strong for a period, and then it is like I just give up the battle. Why? I allow what I am feeling to take over - the sadness of previous life changing events, the stress and fear of the legal challenges, the constant needs and or wants of my teenagers (things they may need or want that we can't afford) and how we can't afford them because of my actions, and just life needs themselves, ie: Dental Work, car needing repairs, etc. all financial stressors that I feel overwhelmed by - and I am back at the casino.
Why do I think so little of me to allow this to continue? Why can't I reach deep inside me and realize I am worth it? I have always been a survivor, a fighter. I just can not seem to look at myself in the mirror any more and say I am worth it. How do I forgive myself so I can say, yes!!! I can do this? I did it before, but then I had hope. I wasn't in this deep. I knew that I had a disease, but was still a good person worth fighting for.
At the GA meetings that are closest to me, there are very few people with any real recovery time, so finding someone to connect with has been difficult. These meetings are an hour away. I am hoping that by being a part of this group and by reading the posts on this board, that I can find that hope, belief and strength that I am worth putting that shovel down for.
YOU ARE WORTH IT. I believe every person has worth and that is worth fighting for. I know how hard it is to keep picking yourself back up and trying again, but you have to try again in order to be successful and find what you seek. You only fail if you stop trying.
It's easy to keep doing the same thing, it's hard to do the right thing...but the hard road is the right road. You wouldn't be on this site posting if you didn't want to take the right road and quit gambling for good. You CAN DO IT. I know you said that you are depressed. I hear in your posts that you are overwhelmed and with good reason with all of the demands on you without emotional and mental support. You have to dig deep. You have to hang on to hope, and there is hope.
In my opinion, you are an escape gambler, like me, that is why it is so hard to stop. You have to work your recovery. It's the hard road, remember; recovery is work. Until you tackle the problems that you are temporarily escaping from by gambling, you will continue to gamble. This has been the only way that I have been able to stop relapsing.
I hope I'm not sounding like too much of a tough ass. I'm just trying to help. I've been there. Trust me. I have some problems that are unsolvable that stem from way back--I did drugs for years and then traded that addiction for gambling. All in an effort to escape, trying to numb the pain and try to escape the trauma, mental and emotional anguish. I have gambled for years. I have the huge debt too. It is possible to stop. There's always hope.
Because of my situation, I am not able to attend counseling or go to GA meetings either. I have read a lot of books on addiction and psychology (free from the library & internet) and in the process discovered that I put myself through a self-therapy so to speak. I'm still working the recovery. I'm finally dealing with the toxic people and situations in my life that have made me turn to addiction in order to escape my problems. I'm 43 and I finally feel like I am finally starting to emotionally mature. It feels good to face my problems head on and feel my feelings and stick to a budget. Every day it gets a little better. I know it won't happen overnight because I went through hell for many years. I like my gambling-free life so much better. You could too. Take care of YOU. You are worth it. You CAN do this.
Every time you get that almost irresistible urge to go gamble remember you have a choice. That gambling voice is not a command...smack it down and choose hope.
((((BIG HUG))))
Cathy
Thank you so much for your reply. I am trying to dig deep to find that self worth. It is funny how at one point in my life I had that, but then threw it all away. I have always suffered low self-esteem. I keep trying to figure out all of the reasons that I feel I need to escape, and that in itself is overwhelming, if that makes sense.
I appreciate the way you worded the part :"I have some problems that are unsolvable that stem from way back". I too have a traumatic life event that is unsolvable - and that event totally changed my belief system, my self-esteem, my family, and how I perceive myself and others. I have talked to several counsellors regarding this, however, there has been no closure, no peace. It is something I will have to accept, I just have not figured out how to, as the fallout is something that I have to deal with daily, and there are no answers as to what is the right way to deal with it and be ok with it and have peace regarding it.
I know this sounds elusive, but I just am not ready to divulge what took place. What I am trying to do is gleem hope from your response in that if you have unsolveable problems and are managing to stay gamble free, then there is hope for me. Thank you so much for sharing yourself with me!!!
I hope this helps. I had terrible pain avoidance issues when my twin brother died a horrible death, involving my giving him a kidney and so much more and it never happened...he died.,
23 years. ago.
since I chose way back when not to deal with this stuff and literally I chose to avoid all pain, live life in fantasy NOT reality and simply avoid avoid avoid.
flash forward........today............I get into trouble in marriage, etc. can't deal with no way don't want the pain and bingo (not literally don't like it) there I sit at a slot machine AVOIDING.
Okay so it is not how we close what happens, I don't think it will ever be closed but how we react, how we allow ourselves to feel these hurts and things and let them wash through us and over us and away. How we end up dealing with it.
I know I will never get over the hurt and pain but it is affecting my life now and I feel I must bring it "forward" and feel it, close it out, let it go and accept there ain't nothing I can do about it anymore and choose to live with it. Sounds like closer, just not the closer I wanted.
I read something today...........Depression is NOT getting what you want.
We don't, I don't ever need to know what happened, that's all I know is that something traumatic happened to you and that being the great person you are....you are out here looking for answers.
I hope that you find them here.