I have come to the conclusion I have been hiding from some emotional issues. Gambling gave me the feeling of euphoria so I didn't have to think about what the real issues were in my life. So now I really need to come to grips with these emotions so I can heal. My husband had an affair 13 yrs ago. I think it took me by such surprise and it totally deflated my inner being. We decided to make a go of our marriage and that is what I was doing, just making a go of it and not thinking about what it did to me emotionally. I have always had this thought that it really did destroy me but gambling gave me an out not to think about it. I do believe he is really trying to make our marriage work however I am not sure what I want. I have decided to move my thoughts to a more positive way. Unfortunately I have gained 50# over this time and have also used alcohol, food and gambling to numb my pain. I plan to get my body moving. I have joined a boot camp for weight loss and I plan on taking care of myself. The only person I have hurt is myself with this destructive behavior. I will deal with these emotions more positive. I have a therapy appt. on Thursday with a diff. councilor, I have sought counciling before but didn't really find it helpful because I was looking for answer which I never did find. I think I found it myself now I need to face these issues. I am gaining control today and forever, I had it once and I will have it again. This support group has given me such insight and support and I thank you all who have posted.