Dear flyorra Do not beat yourself up for what you should have done. The main thing is that you are here now. I think everyone here has felt that feeling of despair. I banned myself from the casinos 2 weeks ago, and since then, my whole outlook on life has changed for the better. I have joined g.a. and am trying to work the steps. We are working step 1 for 4 weeks. Anyway, my finances are screwed up still, my bills are still way behind, but I have a new hope that i never had when i went to the casino. I guess for me, what made me stop and ban myself was going 10 times and being totally broke every time i left. Always wondering how my bills would get paid this month. I am fighting this demon everyday so far, and kicking it in the teeth. It will NOT destroy me ever again!!!! You have to keep trying and fighting every day, every second, if thats what it takes. Remember we are here for you anytime!! You may discover that you are stronger than you think you are!! Hugs..

Flyorra, Don't give up! Keep coming back read and join in here with all of us to help yourself. You can do this! It's not easy but you can do it! Check and see if your state offers help like inpatient treatment. Do what ever you can to set up more road blocks. I called the bank and set my atm card to a max of $20 per day. Now I can't use it at the casino because the fees make it exceed the limit. That helped me alot! I understand where you are coming from because for me the urge to go is unbelievable at times. I was taught urge surfing. It sounds stupid but it kind of works. You get yourself so busy doing something else that you forget or "surf" past the urge. It does work for me once in a while. Today it did. I wanted to go really bad today and I didn't go!. :) You can do it!

i'm doing well so far, i didn't gamble yesterday or today, it feels like a lonng time, and for an addict it is a long time, i get the urge, but i can't be bothered to travel, i think of the money i don't have and can't afford to gamble with, i think of all the people who lose, i read somewhere that the chance of me dying to buy a lottery ticket is easier than the chance of me actually winning the lottery, then i thought, hey even if i did have money, what would i buy, that would be the problem, i can't buy friendships, all i will be is rich and a show off really, yes i could afford a house, etc, but who is kiddin whom, i would end up gambling higher and higher bets, as i know this about myself. i say to myself, i can do other things, i am enjoying the fight, but i don't want the addiction to bring me down, i don't want it to affect my mood. i want to have things to be grateful for, and happy about, smile about. even though lifeis hard, i have to stop wanting to be self destructive and suicidal, i just have to take it all in before i die, i get tired of thinking of all the things that are never going to happen, like a big win, or a something like the house burning down, i fear homelessness, i fear rats and spiders, i fear rape or other surprise imposter attacks, but i can't be down all the time, i have to look up, keep my chin up, people need me to be strong and positive not angry and neagtive, although i will never change my core beliefs, i just have to carry on, never forgetting where i came from.