I am not a counselor but I read this on a gambling addiction treatment website and I know in my own case it is very true...."The most important part of this process is the initial act of surrender so that the gambling addict can get started on the recovery process. Without admitting that they have a problem, it is impossible for them to accept help for the problem and start to change their life in any way." I didn't start healing until I truly came to grips with the fact I had a real problem and even though I was aware of the symptoms I had to want to STOP before I could actually stop...One group that exist for family support is Gam-anon (https://www.gam-anon.org/) I know it is a 12 step program and that is all. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this issue but when you are dealing with someone with an addiction whom you Love, without some support it can destroy your life. I am speaking with the voice of experience, my son WAS a drug addict and my life was absolute hell...There are a lot of people on this site that have been there and done that and understand a lot of what you are going through because they put their loved ones and themselves through it also. Read about codependency it might help you cope....And I know it isn't fun at all....Ain't going to gamble today and it is one day at a time

Very sad. Hate to tell you, but you may only know the half of it. To be in the grips of this for 10 years is brutal.
Love the gam anon idea -- we have a meeting in our area and it is VERY VERY helpful for family and friends.
Maybe the 1800 gambler hotline would know of other resources for you too.
Don't ruin your life by trying to save another, especially one who doesn't want to change.

Give him time, maybe he hasn’t hit his rock bottom yet. Give him time, but don’t wait for him, move on with your life. One of the worse symptoms a gambler suffers from is lying to ourselves and everyone else. I know you care about him, but you can’t change him, that’s up to him. I suffer from depression, too. Don’t let his addiction send you down a rabbit hole, take care of yourself.

Thank you for your comments, I asked to see him tonight if we can talk but he has said I’ve made my decision, he calls me deluded but says I have left him for someone else and haven’t stood by him. His mum knows about his gambling as has told me to just show up at theirs , but how can I when he doesn’t want to talk, his mum says he is hurt from the gambling and won’t show his true feelings and that he does need me but I can’t bring myself to go to him. In a selfish way I want him to hit rock bottom so he realises he needs to get help, when he gambles and loses which is everytime he doesn’t see the point in life. One minute I think he is a horrible person for the nasty things he is saying and the way he is acting, but next thing I’m feeling like I’ve really let him down by not standing by him. The thing is, what happens if I do stand by him and he gets help? Will everything be good? Or will he go on like this for years and blame everyone else for this addiction? I’m so torn, I feel so weak, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I’ve lost half a stone in a week and I’m only 7 stone 6 now. Is it worth fighting for?

You are worth fighting for. No one can predict when your ex will hit rock bottom, but as long as if stays in denial about this addiction he will continue to blame all his problems on someone else. I’m glad you talked to his mom, but try to keep in mind she might be his main enabler. When and if he seeks help he might apologize to you, maybe, I wouldn’t hold my breath for to long. Let him reach out to you, I think maybe his mom is so worried about him she doesn’t want to see him lose you. This addiction is ugly, it hurts so many people. Thanks for sharing with us, it’s not often we hear the other side of the story here. Stay strong and true to yourself.

His mum has helped him out loads in the past , she has said to me she can’t keep affording it, even when he spent around 4K on her credit card within a few days he still blames him Mum for treating him like a child, it’s a horrible horrible addiction and I hate it! I hate who he is now.We wasn’t together for a long time but I still planned my future with him, I’m 28 and want to really settle down, have a family and provide for them and I saw that with him, I’ve been through heartache before but this seems so different, like I’m holding on to hope because I know this truely isn’t him.
We all hear about mental illness and how we should recognise it more, but what about the addicts? Until now I never knew the complications that gambling can cause, yeah I here people are gambling addicts but I never took that seriously. This addiction is not recognised enough, it is taking over loved ones lives.

She does care about you Mrs-Cat, just right now it’s taken over , I’ll wait as long as I can by my phone hoping he will make the right decision, I’m going to carrying on hoping just for a little while longer .

The only person you can control is you.
The 1-800-522-4700 National Problem Gambling Helpline can tell you what services are available near you for treatment. My state has free treatment for gambler and the loved ones of gamblers - all paid for by lottery dollars. (loved ones can access counseling even if the gambler does not)
Gam anon is excellent as is CoDA, alanon meetings can give similar concepts.
Blaming you is part of addiction, blame is for God and children, healthy adults just have to figure out where we are and what's the next right thing to do.
Treatment did not work for me initially either. My first two times, I wanted the counselor to cure me (make a social gambler again), with the "magic wand method" that requires little or no effort on my part. Magical thinking is part of this addiction.

If he is not sick and tired of what he has made his life and not willing to fight for normalcy there is nothing you can do to make him do it. Forced counseling does not usually work well. He has to want it to change. Continuing the addiction eventually becomes the only thing of importance in an addict's life. Food, shelter, community, family, nature, God, and love all fade away. It is not until we are on the brink of losing everything, including our own self respect and sanity do us addicts finally realize how unmanageable it has all become. If he does not want to fight for his own life, he is not likely to fight for the two of you as a couple. It is your life and your decision, but I would think about cutting your losses as you leave this abusive hot mess behind.

It’s been nearly 3 weeks since I last saw him, I made the decision to not talk to him since last Friday as everytime we would text it got in to an argument.
I told his sister about his addiction , she didn’t know the full extent, only that he had money problems years ago. She apologised to me for the way he has been and said she will talk to him about his gambling, as she is an older sister I was hoping that she may be able to get through to him, but the next day she said that she would rather not get involved but instead talk to her mum and other brother about it.
His mum and brother already know and they don’t like bringing it up as they don’t want to upset my ex, I just feel like everyone is ignoring his problem and he is going to be facing this alone!
I miss him everyday but I don’t miss the arguments. I constantly wonder how he is, if he is coping ok.
I’ve read so many posts about recovering from gambling and it really puts a smile on my face, I hope one day he will feel the freedom many of you do.