hello mylessons,
I can only imagine how you feel, I am the gambler and I do not have a spouse, but I know if I did he would never understand this ADDICTION, this disease if he was not addicted as well.
I see that there are few groups here for spouses but not sure they are as active as this site for the gambling addict.
You can most certainly read the posts here and learn a lot.
Consider yourself lucky if your spouse is being honest and if he wants help and counseling you can most certainly go with him.
Please give it a chance as recovery is possible and by reading the posts here you will see that.
Bless you for standing behind your spouse and reaching out.
again,
this is a devestating disease to all involved but can be "conquered" and much learned.
God bless you both.

I guess what I need is answers on how to help and not enable. What does that look like?

I would still recommend a counselor or professional but
as most posts here we try to help.
If he is agreeable you need to take control of the MONEY.
no money and he can't gamble.
No credit cards, no debit cards, no available cash,
as you read posts here that is about the only way to get control.
Give him an allowance and hopefully he is willing, he must be accountable for the cash as well as where he is at most times.
He must be agreeable for this to work and want to end the devestation.
Realize that if he is agreeable and seeks help and you are supportive and understanding, you will not completely understand our need to gamble even doctors don't, then you can gain your old life back, maybe even a better one.

God bless, good luck and keep coming right here.
Read the posts we are very supportive,
READ THEM WITH YOUR SPOUSE, TOGETHER.
LEARN TOGETHER AND WITH US YOU WILL
GAIN RECOVERY.

Hello, There is a group here on D.S. called "friends and families of addicts". I do believe it's mostly families dealing with drug and alcohol addictions but, I have read some discussions about gambling addiction there too. We have had spouses in this group too. You are welcome here. Reading the discussions list may be very helpful to you. You will see gambling addiction from the gamblers point of view. This is a very hard and painful addiction for everyone involved. Reading the posts here will help you to understand and also give you information on keeping your bank account safe.Tell your husband about us if he is at all willing to seek help. We are a great group! GA would be a good place for him to go as well. I hope you find support. Hugs! Cher

Thank you thenewway. I am reading the posts and trying to understand. My spouse is leaving for inpatient treatment very soon. I am just not sure what is the best way to help both him, and myself. I do not want to "intrude" on healing in this group by being a spouse and feeling confused about addiction.
He is trying honesty now. It is not always easy to hear...but, oh so appreciated.
I have begun reaching out to family and friends and telling them my situation. I am ready to heal.
Best wishes

mylessons , check out Gam-anon

How Great, inpatient treatment.
wonderful,
you are blessed with a husband that wants help and is getting started !!
I am sure the people there can help you and will probably have some meetings for just what your concerns are.
most wonderful
and you are both on the right track and how lovely that he has you.

Cherbear2012 I appreciate being welcomed into this group. I have had my own separate acct for years now...after his gambling began. We discussed how to better protect the mutual acct. hopefully that will get done soon.
I'm just at the lowest I have ever been. The past 6 weeks have been the worst I have ever been through with him. I'm not one to reach out for help. But lately, I have gone to my family, his family, and our neighbors...now I'm here.

Unfortunately his treatment will not be in the same country.
Yes, he wants help...but, he is out gambling tonight. He says he wants to go to church in the morning. He is willing to sign everything over to me and only carry a card that I can deposit money to. He has agreed to all my stipulations...but just " needed" to go one last time. That confuses me...
He has never been honest with me about his addiction, but he has begun answering all my questions.
Thank you!

Yes, It is very common for addicts of all kinds to want one last "high" before going into treatment. I did it too. As long as he is really going to treatment you should continue to be supportive of his plan to get help. Just getting him there is huge! It sounds like it's been a very hard road for both of you but at least now there is hope.This will be a new beginning!

Yes, he is going to treatment for addiction and work related injuries.

I wish he hadn't gone tonight, but accepted his desire to go one last time.

I encouraged him to write a letter saying goodbye to gambling...I wrote my own and had him read it this morning. It was more from his perspective but addresses my feelings. I Needed him to see the impact on paper before he commits to recovery. I realize the importance of living in the present for recovery, but for family members it's hard to move on with our feelings and trying to trust again.

Thank you for the encouraging words! I am finding comfort from you both. Thank you!

the trust will take time,
you both should realize this,
don't expect too much too soon.
You can read the posts here and see
the enormity of this and from your letters to
each other it is visible just how enormous this has become.
I too wrote a letter of the excitement of gambling and then the
let down and the emotional and financial mess that was the end.
His treatment will include a lot of this.
You are both doing so very much to make this happen,
your committment is obvious.
It all just takes time but then isn't the outcome worth it.
It will happen faster than you think because it will be so welcome.

we are all here each day learning from each other and it works.