Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Maybe it's a trite question if we're all admitted addicts. But I'd just like to relay an experience here.
I'm the type of person who is always calm, aloof and seemingly in control of myself. About two months ago I re-started gambling, and made a tidy profit by the end of the first month. In the second month, I lost once and immediately began chasing my losses.
The desperation of chasing made me a different person. I started slamming my chips on the table if I lost. I started rushing from table to table, not wanting to miss a spin. I started increasing my bet, at one stage placing $200 on one single number in roulette.
I knew I shouldn't have, but I did. I felt like everything was a daze, yet I was momentarily enjoying myself. It was a drug, and I wasn't in control. Something else was controlling me. Something else made me place those bets, something else made me run around to different tables.
It wasn't me. I only returned after I lost all my money. I came back to reality with a sense of emptiness and stupidity. Worst of all, my depression returned.
Have you ever lost control? I am finding it hard to reconcile the real me with what I have done. I feel dirty, ashamed, and humiliated.
I'm the type of person who is always calm, aloof and seemingly in control of myself. About two months ago I re-started gambling, and made a tidy profit by the end of the first month. In the second month, I lost once and immediately began chasing my losses.
The desperation of chasing made me a different person. I started slamming my chips on the table if I lost. I started rushing from table to table, not wanting to miss a spin. I started increasing my bet, at one stage placing $200 on one single number in roulette.
I knew I shouldn't have, but I did. I felt like everything was a daze, yet I was momentarily enjoying myself. It was a drug, and I wasn't in control. Something else was controlling me. Something else made me place those bets, something else made me run around to different tables.
It wasn't me. I only returned after I lost all my money. I came back to reality with a sense of emptiness and stupidity. Worst of all, my depression returned.
Have you ever lost control? I am finding it hard to reconcile the real me with what I have done. I feel dirty, ashamed, and humiliated.
that is why I've been in recovery most of this year. to get back some control of my life. gambling took over.
the only way a compulsive gambler can have some control over gambling is to NOT gamble at all.
work out a recovery plan for you. write it out if you need to. That is if you're ready to stop.
we can identify with your pain and depression, cause we have been there. and if I went today, after months of no gambling, it would be the same thing.
forgive yourself, and start to move on from your last experience. thanks for sharing. it just reminds all of us how damaging gambling can be. take care of yourself.
I can definitely relate to your feelings. What I found worked for me is trying to remember those horrible feelings as I have gone through my journey of recovery. Not focusing on them, per se, but keeping them in the back of my mind. I find that it not only gives me a benchmark of how far I've come, it also is something that reminds me of where I do *not* want to go back to.
Wishing you the best.
This is something I tell myself:
Please remember that you are perfectly imperfect. We all are. So you are not in control all of the time. Neither is anyone else. Try harder and do better every single day. Keep searching for the answers to why you gamble and how you can stop. That's living a real life. Not the one you imagine you should be living, but a real deal, nitty gritty, sometimes messy, sometimes awesome life. Love yourself despite your flaws. Just keep going, no feeling is final.
There is "me", who I am and there is" I "costantly battles with" me" To merge that " me" and " I " Is to work your " me", understand "I" and become a whole person.
This might sounds all confusing but, how many times we have heard or felt that "I don't even know who I am"... as if we are referring ourself as someone else.... and so many "why?" We ask ourselves.
Its all "me" letting "I" control over whatever swing of mood or circumstances we are in.
Keep walking the journey my friend, it's worth the trip!
Love,
Victoria