So, apparently as open as I am about my previous gambling problems and current status as a gambler in recovery some people I have known in the past 30 years still hadn't heard that I quit gambling. I have lived in the same smallish town for most of my life with a few 3/4 year absences. Yesterday, in the grocery store, an acquaintance suggests that she and I and another friend whom I went to see total eclipse last summer, should take a "free bus" to a nearby town where the terminus is the Indian Casino there.
I did not realize what she was talking about to begin with, why would we want to go there, I asked.
You, know, she says, catch an act, stay at the casino, gamble.
"Oh, oh", I say, "My last bet was Nov 8, 2014"
Oh she says, you have a problem?
No, not really, I did have one, it does not bother me now, because I don't do it.
It was much easier to turn down than I had thought it was going to be. But every part of me rejected the idea, without much thought. Proud of me. (My inner gambler seems to be getting smaller.)
I have tried to post on here several times and I just can barley move my fingers to type. My depression is at an all time high. I hate myself and wish I were dead. I will not kill myself but feel I am resigned to a life of toal misery. I am meserable 24 hours a day. Is it the withdrawl from gambling or is it that my brain just dosen't work the way it should. I feel there is no hope. I...
I made my last bet on Nov 8, 2014. It is amazing to me now, because I hardly think about gambling now, and I remember when I walked into therapy in Oct of 2014 I could not stop thinking of gambling. I was suicidal and I did not think I could stop. It took me three weeks of therapy to actually stop gambling. I was miserable for the next three months, but I knew i was more miserable gambling....