You are certainly not alone Roxxxy. Thankfully, we've seen the light and realize that the money lost will never be refound at the C. That is the biggest lesson learned. We probably wouldn't listen as well if the mistakes were not as HUGE. You are lucky, not to mention very smart, to realize this after only 4 years. I believe with a sound recovery we will look back at this period of our lives and realize the blessings we have learned that lead us to better decisions and a better life ahead.

Hi Roxxy, I think it is only human nature to think the way you are. I' m sure there are people here who could have bought a home with the amount of money they've blown. Howie is so right. But I have had those thoughts myself. I could have bought a couple cars with the amount I wasted. But I do know I am a compulsive gambler and am incapable of leaving the casino with any of their money, not to mention my own. I think you just wanted to vent. To put that out there. I am happy this forum is here to allow you to do that. It may not feel like it, but you are making huge strides (disguised in baby steps) to not return to the scene of the massacre. You are doing so great, and I am so proud of you. Love and hugs~ Atticus

Yeah Roxy, I sure can relate to your share. I too am somewhat of a 'penny pincher' ... but not when it comes to those darn slot machines. How in Gods name could I have sat there day after day shoving 20 dollar bills into those things is beyond me. And not only is it beyond me, its in the past now and about the only thing I can do about it now is to not gamble and get the help I need and deserve to make sure I dont repeat myself.
Im thinking back to June of this year when I had a little over $4,000.00 in my savings and about $1,800.00 in my business checking acct. Boy, I really thought I had arrived because I had accumulated that much money from hard work and a few small winnings at the casino. All the bills were paid, I didnt owe anybody or anything ... and I was feeling pretty good. Of course I should have double the amounts in the bank but I blew that at the casino , but still felt pretty good about what I did have. I knew I was sick, and I also knew I should refrain from the casino, but at the same time I felt so sure that I could win more , and more and more, and even if I didnt, I now had a cushion of savings to cover any losses.
Well, my job got tuffer and tuffer, and ppl started to piss me off, and family issues were bugging me .... and before I knew it ... All the money in the bank was gone!
Then I was mad ... really mad!!! And for about the last 2 months or so I tried and tried and manipulated and lied and cheated to try and get that money back and all I succeeded in doing was digging a hole that has caused me to be so sick in the head that I dont even know who I am anymore.
Grrrrrrr... how could this have happened? Well, thats exactly what Im trying to figure out today.
I too am somewhat more calm about it all, but I still have these horrible feelings of regret.
Thanks for your share ... you have helped me to realize a few diff things about myself... and even tho 'it is what it is'.... I still must be willing to throw the shovel down and stop digging the hole. I gotta surrender.

Good Morning everyone! Vicky - a compulsive gambler got paid today... No, I am good.. No worries! :)

I was pissed off and angry on amount of money I blew. I too could pay cash for my house with it, pay all my debt, pay for my sons college education and buy couple of good cars with it alltogether. Especially knowing how hard and how much I worked for it. Grieving about my money, that what kept bringing me back to casino. I was in denial they are Gone!
After big loss of money, especially lately, I had no motivation to work or do anything. Quite often I asked my husband: What is the point of going to work, spending all this energy and time there? For what? My paycheck doesn't even belong to me! .. Ye, I got really discouraged and quite honest, simply ran out of energy to work any extra.
I exhousted myself supporting local casinos and my addiction to slot machines.
I still didn't accept eternal loss of my money. But I came to realizing: I was real asshole to my money and they left me. So, I decided to re-establish relationship between me and my money. That is why I do write letters to them. One place I know for sure they don't like to be under any circumstances is a casinos. So, casinos are no longer in my life.
Have a great day! Vicky

Hi I'm Tonya this is my first day on this site and I already feel blessed and feel God directed me to it. I spent over 300 dollars in the last two days at internet cafes and I am completely exhausted at the pull and the greed I'm overcome with while playing. I remember watching a lifetime movie in college about a woman who was addicted to gambling and thinking I would never gamble"huh give my money up just to lose" I would never even play scratch offs but God has a funny way of showing you what you can and will do and how we are not really as different to others as we think. I know that there is a reason for this if only to help another when I get pass my own addiction. My mother in law introduced both my husband and I too internet cafes 4 years ago it has been pretty bad because my husband and I both struggle with it. I was sooooo mad at my mother in law for a really long time I have forgiven her. I just want to STOP sorry about the crazy rant

Hi Tonya, On this site there are no "crazy rants". We are people with an addiction, gathered together for the same goal. Whether it be scratch offs, internet cafes, online gambling, playing the ponies, sports betting, video poker, or slots [my poison of choice]. We are all
here for the same purpose. To quit this awful addiction. I pray that you find hope here. Glad you made it. Hugs, ~atticus

Thanks for the warm welcome Atticus63 hugs right back at yea

Thank you all for all the great input....Happy when I was reading your reply I could have sworn that was me typing that...that same crap happened to me ...This addiction nails you when you dont expect it..it progressively gets worse I think the more you gamble...I dont know I am trying to figure all of this out..alls I know is all that money I lost is in the past ...and like they say you cant cry over spilt milk..time to pull up the britches and get on with getting my stuff in order...and atticus I am like you I have realized that I am not capable of leaving with money..theirs or mine...well thanx again all ....time for me to cheer up my 18 year old son that just lost the biggest football game of his high school years tonight..thank goodness I was there for him and not in no darn casino...god bless all..and welcome Tonya

Hey all....sorry I've been "absent" for awhile. Needed a little refueling.

Yes, when we think back on all the occasions of our delirious past, being in the grips of this freaking silent killer , it is mind boggling to realize all that we threw away. Let go and let God...that's all we can do with those miserable memories! Otherwise, we will stay stuck in the quicksand, and before long, the stinking thinking starts to take hold once again.

We are all so much better off today, than of yesterdays of old. Never lose sight of that and keep, with fierce tenacity, these three words close in your heart....

WILL...CAN....SHALL. No more woulda, coulda, shoulda's!!!!!

Stay strong all, and make every day count towards building a new and better past.

Love you all, Tagg

To Tanya,

Welcome aboard....we're glad you're here! You are definitely in the right place, Lady. There's a good group of people here all united in the same cause. Hang tight, and say HELLLL NO to throwing your hard earned money away!

Look forward to seeing you grow and shine on the boards!

Warm regards, Tagg