Getting free of this addiction is such a roller coaster ride. Some days I feel like I've conquered the world and some I feel like life is just too hard.
I'm sorry you are having a bad day today. I hope that things start looking up for you soon.

Hi New 55, I have felt that blue feeling so many times. Usually just shortly after a bad binge and then trying to stop. You are right, it is probably is withdrawals. If you have not done so yet, please try writing a journal. Take the time to write out exactly how you feel in detail. Just getting it off your chest will make you feel better and it will help you to bring clarity to your reasons for gambling. Maybe you could write out your story. Why you gambled? Are those reasons still an issue in your life? Are you an escape gambler? Do some research on gambling addiction. Fill your mind with information. Knowledge is power! Keep your chin up. Life will get better and recovery is possible! I didn't think so for a very long time but now I know, it's true! There is hope! Keep posting and sharing and coming back here to D.S.! Hugs and prayers for you! Cher

Push through it New55...days like these come fast and furious early in the journey. Just remember....every day you DON'T gamble is a humongous success story and tribute to your commitment and conviction towards beating this thing...one day at a time!

Be well, stay strong, push through

Love Tagg

Hi New, We can all relate to where you are because we too have been there or are there. Keep reading the posts and posting. You are doing EXACTLY what you need to be doing right now. Keep busy and they also have online meetings at various websites you can explore. One I tend to visit is called gam talk. There is a chat room and you can attend online meetings a few times a week. Keep up the good work!

yes, yes,
fill your mind with information,
read posts here, new ones, old ones,
read online or books on gambling addictions,
there is the online GA at Gam Talk,
just fill your head so full of the "horrificness" of the disease
and you will find the urges and sadness going away
in the fact and realization you are doing something to
change and eradicate this from you life.
You can do it,
read here,
we are with you.
You are doing well and give yourself credit for that as well.

Hi New55:

Normally this is the process I have to go thru after each relapse:
1. Sleeping for few days
2. Depressed for few weeks
3. Nightmare of debts
4. Start Dreaming of playing slots

The number 3 can last for a while if you don't settle right away. There are some debt relief companies available online to help you to make your payments easier. If you don't find a solution to this, it may turn to a trigger for you to go gamble later on.

After these 4 processes, eventually you mind will stop thinking of gambling if there's no access to money or cash available for you.

I had a counselor tell me I was feeling "overwhelmed".
Overwhelmed from worry about finances and recovery.
A lot for anyone to handle.
So we must look to healthy choices for dealing with this.
My "coping skills" or lack there of is what helped take me to
the casinos.
We know ways to help others when they are stressed and
need to get their minds off of what is bothering them or how
to help them see the "light" and help themselves.
So let's help ourselves and know that we are strong enough
to do what is right when needed and not make bad choices and
hurt ourselved even more in trying to avoid what can more easily
be taken care of by simply - helping ourselves....reading, going for
a walk, dreaming, tv, friends, family, jobs, hobbies anything to
let go and enjoy and let God.

Hello New55

I am new to this site. Was desperately searching for help today and found this site.

I can relate. I too feel blue today also. It had been 10 days since I had visited the casino. I talked a friend into going last night, of course the same ole same ole feelings. Excited to get there...almost run to our favorite machines, then sit for hours and hours without eating or going to bathroom. That is just insane. Anyway, win some and get more excited. Then of course, lose it all and get more. Then realize on the way out after the final penny is gone, what has just happened. Almost cry all the way home, then call in sick to work because the headache is so bad can't possibly function at work.

Does this ever get better???

Grammy52

The only way I have any hope of it getting any better is if I don't go to the casino and give them any more of my money. I can relate to running into the casino, right down to dragging myself out after walking around for half an hour without a penny to my name, wondering why I didn't stop myself when I still had some money in my pocket.

I lost my job in November. Not due to my gambling, but because the woman I worked for was impossible to please. One day she would like me, the next day she wouldn't. Working there was a roller coaster in itself and sent me to the casino more than once. I am so far in debt there is no way of digging myself out. I have a little unemployment, but even manage to lose all of that the last time I went. Time to get off the roller coaster.

My husband has my debit card now, which was my biggest downfall. Received my unemployment check and it all has a place to go, because of my gambling, there is no extra. My kids don't understand why there is no money. It is where I am. Gambling will only make it worse, not better. I can not allow their disappointments be a reason I go back.

It will get better, it has to. It may be a while, but it will get better. Hang in there Grammy52. Don't allow this addiction to be a reason you lose your job as well as the money you have already lost. It is gone, you will not get it back. If you don't go back, you won't lose more. Find a GA meeting in your area. Replace your gambling friends with friends that don't want to gamble. You can do this!!! Hang in there!

Grammy52,
It can ONLY get better because what you are doing
is not working, not normal, not a good choice, not healthy,
not good emotionally, mentally or physically.
That is why you are so "blue" your BODY telling you that
you have not made a good healthy choice and it is fighting back.
It is just that us gamblers can "avoid" so easily and not pay attention
to what it is "saying".
We have to wait until the bottom, the money runs out or worse
for us to sloooooooooooooooow down and feel and see what
devestation this disease can do.
They say to just feel it and walk through it and recognize it for what it is and sooner versus later you will be not as blue not as often and then simply not blue anymore.

Thanks New55 and Newway. I appreciate your encouraging words and honesty. I am so glad I found this site.

There is not a GA in my area. The closest is 90 miles away. I could never make a weekly meeting with my work hours.

I was asked to go to casino today and said NO! I am so proud of myself. But I keep feeling the urge to just go...what else did I have to do. Nothing. I am single and live alone. I am usually in bed by 7:30 or so because I am so depressed and lonely. I do not have any friends anymore because of gambling. I don't know how to get my life back. Any suggestions?

Hi Grammy52 -

Good job saying "no" to the casino to your friend! How far is the casino from your house? I know you said the nearest GA meeting is 90 miles away. I woud make a point of going as often as you can. Is there an open AA or NA meeting you can go to? You might find some strength in hearing others working the 12 steps and possibly there might be someone in those recovery groups that are also in recovery for compulsive gambling. When you do get to the GA meeting, be sure to get the names and numbers of other women in the group you can call.

You could possibly try going to a church to find new friends, volunteer somewhere, or even try contacting some of your friends you feel you have lost and told them you are in recovery and ask if they would be willing to help you. Can you find a counsellor you can talk to?

Keep coming here and other sites that have been recommended. I have heard that we need to be careful of these triggers - HALT!!! Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. I know I can fall because of these factors. You need to find healthy, caring people to surround yourself with if you can. Get involved in some type of healthy hobby: crafts, reading, etc.

I hope you find some of these suggestions helpful. I am sure others have more. The important thing for you to know is that you are not alone and you are a precious human being and it can get better!!!

Grammy52,
You must not go to the casino,
abstinence is the only way,
just read all the posts here,
an addict can't go to the casino
you will get caught up in it just like before,
ususally worse than before
and feel even more depressed and more in trouble than ever !!
Now, you need to start making some healthier choices,
about friends, about your time and about your body.
Can you ever remember liking your life and what you were doing?
Job, hobbies, people etc.
This will give you a start,
volunteer, library, learn something new, just get out around people,
even if you are on the peripheral, just watching and looking at other people, sometimes at first getting "back out there" can be scary.
You must make recovery number one,
ANY addict mtg. will do - GA, AA, NA, counselor, call the national gambling hotline, they may give you free counseling, read addict books, online..........this site, other addict sites, and just Google addiction...Gambling addiction. etc. try to learn as much as you can this is your new hobby. To quit, stay away, make better choices, and try to understand a little because no one does completely and then just ..................................
Pray Pray Pray,
you can do this,
a lot of people do,
right here,
this is like a 24/7 GA meeting and you must attend.

Thanks Newway and New55,

I appreciate the advice. The GA meeting is 90 miles away...same town where the casino is! I tried doing Higher Stakes online three times...I guess I need to finish that. I have shared all this mess with 2 good friends, but I rarely hear from them. It's like every one has their own problems and no time for anyone. I did start attending a new church, but weather was bad today, so I stayed home. I talk to my sister every day. She lives 800 miles away and is also a compulsive gambler. She has finally opened up to me about it. She warned me a couple of years ago and I didn't speak to her for several months. Denial...but of course she was right. I did max out credit cards and spend all my savings. She said it would happen. She has been there. She went yesterday and was struggling with the guild and shame today. Our parents are compulsive gamblers and our brother is a drug addict. Our mother is worse. She will go 5 out of 7 days a week. She would never admit she has a problem. She goes because she doesn't have anything else to do! Lame excuse. We never have family gatherings, they didn't even want to have Christmas dinner at their house because they wanted to go to Casino. How sad is that? Anyway, enough about my family.

Glad to be here. Love reading everyone's stories. It is helping!

Have a great day and stay warm...the Snow and freezing rain is still coming down!!! So ready for spring.