Coming out of the darkness of the casino into the light can be overwhelming. Don't let it drive you back in....please!!!
Bankruptcy attorneys have heard it all. They will just give you the facts, it sounds like this will be your best, maybe only option, and it's REALLY not as bad as it sounds. Due to medical bills and a layoff my husband and I declared bankruptcy back in 2005. I was terrified, ashamed, and embarrassed. (This was in my pre-gambling days) But the attorney was matter of fact, and honest. There was a lot of paperwork, but when the collectors called, all we had to do was say we were declaring bankruptcy, gave them our filing number, and we never heard from them again! We told the attorney which accounts we wanted to re-affirm on (mortgage, car payments, it had to be secured loans, couldn't keep any of the credit cards) and he handled contacting all those people. It truly was a life saver for us, and until I lost my mind and started gambling away the mortgage last year, we were rebuilding our credit and doing well.
Having 11 weeks GF is something to celebrate. Let the system work for you for the bankruptcy, it will take the stress off of you and HELP you in your recovery. Don't let the fear and shame paralyze you anymore. The worst is over, now the re-building begins!

Thank you resolved, Ive never talked to anyone about bankruptcy and knowing a little about the details of what goes on is helpful. I've got to face it. I know that. And I know it will be a huge relief. When did knowing the right thing and still not doing it become a part of my life?? ugh!
Reading past posts has been so helpful, one reason is because you seem so wise... And this happened to you too... So maybe I'm not as stupid as I feel! Know what I mean?
I will not let this run me back to the casino. I will not let this run me back to the casino. I WILL NOT let this run me back to the casino!

11 weeks is great! I have only 4 days. But before I have had periods of abstinence of 7 month and another one 4 month. It felt really good, until I relapsed again. I am going through my 2nd banktrupcy right now. 2nd one in last 4 years. First one was ch 7 in 2008 and now chapter 13. Both due to gambling. My attorney and his assistant been really supportive and even though I was like you almost paralyzed and cried throuought my intial consultation, everything went very smooth. It was a bit hard financially, but only first 5-6 months before we filed. Trustee didn't raise a question why, in fact no one did. Everything been discharged. I was able to rebuild my credit history within a year and on a second year after bk ch7 bought a house with 5% financing. Now I am going through ch 13, and its a bit different proccess, but I don't let myself go crazy worrying about it this time. The only thing, looking back banktrupcy for me was more like a bail out and didn't teach me anything. I kept gambling and in a deep sh.. right now Again. So, don't worry about initial consultation, paperwork or a proccess itself. Main thing is keep being strong and keep your recovery growing!

II2live- You said "When did knowing the right thing and still not doing it become a part of my life?? ugh! " That's what addiction does to us!!! I've always been a big proponent of behavior modification, as a parent, and to myself. I went by the theory that our behavior was based on a reward/punishment system. That we did what we did because either the reward was strong enough, or the punishment (the consequences) were severe enough. And for the most part, it was true! But what happened when I became addicted, is that the addiction took away my ability to CARE about the consequences of my gambling. Through rationalization and denial, magical thinking,fantasies of hitting a big enough payout to solve my problems...
But then the addiction got greedy. Not only did it make me lose myself in the casino, it made me lose myself even after I walked out the casino doors. It took over my mind, consuming my life, my thoughts. When I wasn't thinking about how to hustle for money to cover the bank account, I was thinking about how to get back to the casino, or stressing, or making feeble promises to myself to stay away. My life was a mess of lies and deceit and betrayal, all due to this addiction. I was in the throes of despair, being controlled by this destructive compulsion.
Breaking free takes energy, and time, and resolve and work and patience. SO much patience! But now I have" myself: back, and I can SEE the rewards of that, and the positive consequences of staying GF.
I know you have a long road to travel in order to put the pieces together, but each mile gets easier. 5 years from now you may be looking back on this time as your darkest period , from the comfort of your rebuilt life!

guess i did the bankruptsy thing. my bills were all on credit cards and added up close to 90,000 i wanna say. no home or nothing like that involved since i rent. but yeah wanna say theres like a 1,500 charge for the service and have to go threw a few finacial classes to get it done. guess if theres no other option but to file bankruptsy they will let ya know.

Until I'm ready to face something, nothing or no one can convince me address certain issues. What I don't deal with, deals with me, so I can definately relate to how you feel. I have IRS issues which I'm at the tailend of straightening out. I got what I believe to be the final report yesterday, but I refuse to open it. As far as bankruptcy is concerned, I can see myself having a damn nervous breakdown looking at my credit reports and all the damage I've done. When I envision this, I think about when I was gambling and after a binge, tallying up all the ATM and/or Credit Card slips. Ugh! Fear or not, I have decided to open this report by the end of the week, so that I can assess what my next move will be. Make arrangements to pay the IRS or file bankruptcy. I recently faced my legal issues, then an unforseen medical issue arose. Now back to financial issues. WOW! At this point, my health, physical and mental comes first so today, I going to rest. Seven days ago I was knock knock knocking on heavens door and my body has not fully recovered from this event. I forgive myself for creating this big mess, yet my concern is I'm proactive about resolving this stuff and I don't want to take what feels like a gazillion steps back to a dark place of regrets. When I am weak, he is strong. GOD HELP! Five years ago I retained a bankruptcy attorney, took a few classes, then referred creditors to my attorney. I was so relieved that I never followed through. Since the IRS has been involved since April 2012, I could no longer ignore the situation. I'll open the report by Friday, pray and GOD will direct me on what path to take. Love ya'll. God Bless.

yvegas, can you have someone with you when you open the report? It could really help to have some in-person support in case it might be overwhelming...
Thinking about you!

yvegas - I live down a long dirt road and each time I hear the crunching of gravel on that road I just know it's someone serving me papers or the bank or IRS has finally decided to take some action. The stress of it is just unbearable. Could actually going through all of those unopened letters from creditors and banks actually be any worse? When I file bankruptcy, I'm going to have to come clean with it all..... what a day of reckoning that will be. For some reason, my therapist thinks I'm ready for this step. Probably because it will be such a relief once I've done it.

II2live- I've been there, as recently as April I couldn't sleep because I thought my car was going to be repossessed in the middle of the night...and this, lik you, was AFTER I'd been GF for a few months.
Can you open those letters with your therapist present? And maybe she can recommend a BK attorney that can be there with you as well when you finally face these issues head-on. She can provide the emotional support, while the attorney gives you the logistical support.
She's probably not a financial expert in these matters, and hearing "I don't know" to your questions may increase your anxiety level unnecessarily. Just a thought....
I know I was an emotional mess when we first met with our attorney, and this was after we had sought credit counseling, and had to lay bare our finances. One thing that surprised me (pleasantly) in both situations was the lack of either of them passing judgment on us. And while we were "Hey, we can live on $40 a week, we'll sacrifice! We'll cut out cable, internet, cell phones, eat beans and rice, etc.We screwed up on pre-planning and saving, guess this will just be how we have to live!" both the BK attorney and the credit counselors were much more generous with figuring in our living expenses. We were in guilt-induced martyr mode, they were the voices of reason!
But another thing you might want to do is take is just a little at a time, wade in to the cold pool and adjust to the temperature instead of diving in!
Just some thoughts.... :)

well sometimes we make these things worse in our minds than they really are. if ya go the bankruptsy route they'll advise ya to go threw the credit counseling and attend some ga meetings. guess it seems scary at first but once ya get the ball rolling the pressures ease a lot.

ll2live, It depends how you look at this things, letters, notices. I totaly agree with dewit2it: "sometimes we make these things worse in our minds than they really are". But if stiil feel so bad about it,that is mean you still didn't accept yourself first of all and situation you are in now. Forgive yourself, love yourself and let yourself to accept were you are right now. Give the rest to the GOD and he will take care of you. Its not that bad. You have my support, I ve been there twice and I am there right now.

Thank you Vicky.... you are so right on. I am having a hard time accepting myself... and accepting the situation I've put myself in. Just thinking about it, makes me so sad and scared and overwhelmed. I did call and make an appointment though. Now I must work on keeping that appointment :) Thanks for your support.

Yesterday I opened my tax reports and guess what??? For two of the three years, I received refunds! GOD told me when I started this process that this would be the case. Anyhow, the only year left to contend with is 2011 and I will take the other refunds and apply them toward 2011 taxes. I'll be done with the process by November 2012. FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. I'll decide if bankruptcy is the route I wanna take once I'm current. As I stated, what I don't deal with deals with me and I'm glad that I don't take nearly as long as I once did to address important issues in my life. Love ya'll and thanks for the support. God Bless

guess i was scared and nervous and didnt know what to expect at that appointment when i went too. wasnt all that bad and could breath a little easier when all was done. guess i didnt have the home thing to deal with but they go threw all the numbers with ya and point ya in the right direction. hell wanna say in like 3 months it was done and over with for me. guess it would of went quicker if i had the full 1,500 up front but yeah took a bit to scrape it together.

It seems for me I'll be able to make a payment to trustee for 2 months and month payment to the mortgage company. I hope they'll accept one month payment, because I owe for 3. They returned my partial payment before. But my years of GA helped me so much, So I am OK. I learned to accept myself (along with everyone else around me, just as they are) and situation I am in. I learned there is so many little things (thoughts, tension, depression, dissapointments) can throw my piece in a wrong direction and lead me to where I was before so many f...n times. I am staying strong, piecefull and I love myself for who I am.