Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
It is 4:41 a.m and I am not able to sleep. I keep going over the money I lost and am having a difficult time accepting that I actually went to the casino. I went Friday night but it was not satisfying enough I guess so I had to develop a devious plan to get back on Saturday. When my husband was showering, I snuck downstairs and took the debit card out of his wallet. When he went off to work, I scurried like a rat to the casino. Spent about 12 hours there on Saturday until I couldn't stand the place any more and I had spent my last dollar. Same ole, same ole. Not a thing was different this time as far as being a "better" gambler. My husband came to the casino to get the debit card and I convinced him to join me so he stayed and lost money too. He is not a compulsive gambler and usually hates to gamble with me but he stayed. Damn. I have read that there is often stuff to learn when we relapse. I am searching for any lesson at all. In the past, when I have gambled during recovery, I stayed away from GA due to humiliation. This time I am going to go to my home meeting although I am dreading it because people there were actually proud of my progress. The elusive 90 days. In 10 years I have not been able to stay away for 90 days. This time I made it 66 days. Enough of this rant. Good night and thanks for being there for me.
If that is not successful I will don headphones and listen to a guided imagery session designed to help one relax. There are several on YouTube, one is specific to gambling that I know of.
I know that you may feel ashamed to face your GA group because of the praise you have gotten for you progress but it is every bit as brave to come back after a slip or relapse as it was to go through the door the first time.
Next time you think you want to gamble, think of something to tell yourself of why you don't want to. You will need to intervene in your thoughts before you grab the debit card. Once you get your hands on the card you are beyond an urge and into the planning stage, next stage is being in action. As you know it is difficult if not impossible to stop ourselves once we are already at the gambling game. It is difficult to divert ourselves in the planning stage, but not impossible. It is easier to intervene in your thoughts before they become urges. While this sounds simple, it takes constant vigilance to monitor and listen to your thoughts, which for me is the exact opposite of what I was trying to accomplish in gambling. (Becoming as unaware of my thoughts, feelings, circumstances and life as possible.) But if I don't allow myself to "go to the casino" in my thoughts then, maybe I can avoid actually going to the casino.
You may want look at what you believe about gambling.
I used to believe that gambling was fun.
I used to believe that I could get ahead by gambling.
I used to believe that gambling was harmless and I deserved to be able to do it.
Those were FALSE beliefs for me:
Gambling was/is no longer fun for me.
I am a compulsive gambler who will NEVER get ahead by gambling. (Getting ahead in money was never my goal in gambling, it was the feeling of thinking of nothing but the reels spinning and the possible rush of a big win. The money no matter how much would always go back in, I could not quit until the last cent was gone.)
Facing the reality of the damages done by my gambling in my life, including financial, mental, emotional and spiritual bankruptcy and criminal conviction, I can no longer convince myself that gambling is harmless fun.
If you can change your false beliefs, you can change the behavior.