I'm actually asking myself that very same question, after relapsing again and losing $900.

As I drove to the casino, I didn't even want to go there, but it was like I was on auto-pilot. I felt like a rat that was attracted to a pile of rubbish, just kept coming back for more. And the casino must be laughing.

Why do I keep doing something that hurts me?

And the sad thing was, when I called up my credit card company afterwards to reduce the amount I could withdraw, they said they couldn't change it :(

When I just stopped gambling for the first time, I actually gave my credit card to a friend to keep for me because I could not trust myself. Beating yourself up will only make it worse. Make up your mind that you are not going to gamble today and don't. Wake up tomorrow and do the same thing. There are a lot of people here that believe in you. I have been at the bottom of the pit before, and I can promise you that it does get a lot better. Also, I do a lot of workbooks on gambling addiction to help keep me focused on why I absolutely can not gamble anymore. I hope that this helps.

Hi chrissy
I know how you feel. I've been there too many times to count. I self banned from the casinos and I know I could be arrested if I step foot on their property. I joined GA, and have been working the 12 steps. I have 119 days gf. Your life will get better with time. Your debt will start getting paid down, and you'll eventually have more money for things you need. Hang in there!
Hugs
Lisa

Hi Chrissy,

Please try not to beat yourself up too bad okay? You are not alone---all of us on DS fight the good fight every day, day by day...you can do the same. Each day you have a choice whether to gamble or not. Somedays are better than others, but know that it IS DOABLE.

What's helped me is when Fridays/Payday rolls around every week I IMMEDIATELY pay all my bills, get gas & groceries, and whatever is leftover I put on my debt (debt from previous gambling for years). I now have over 4-1/2 months GF by taking it one day at a time.

I have a whole list of things that have helped me stay gamble free...they are on my journal if you want to check them out.

Take it 1 step at a time and come here....there is a great support system on this site and people who really do care and want you to be successful.

Big Hug,
:o) Cathy

We all know exactly how you feel. To answer your question though- the best part is that it does end!
It's not easy and it doesn't happen overnight, but it does end. If you can stick with it and not gamble, you'll gain perspective after a short time and the financial drain of your gambling will stop and as the days and weeks pass by you will be in a better position.
Hang in there!
Jay