Me too Mars! I have always been a self-motivated person, high achieving and successful. I feel like gambling numbed me, it numbed pain I didn't want to feel and it numbed my sharpness and ability to set goals and achieve them, just like you said. In fact I remember leaving the video lottery joint and feeling physically drained, exhausted, and numb, whether I won or lost, and in the end I always lost any winnings I might have enjoyed along the way. I am now setting goals, some out of necessity and some just because they will be good for me. My progress might be slower than it would have in the past, and I forgive myself for that. Hope you do too!

I'm still sick. Damn

Discipline! What is that! When I got to 2 million I thought I was set. Okay. Right! I'm still sick!

Hi Mars
Your post is me. I use to be a strong, in control person who made great decisions, set goals and was able to accomplish them. Now I feel week, out of control and making very poor decisions and can't keep my promises to myself. I have read many posts over the last few days and I fit so many of these thought and troubles. I read in one of the posts that we often try to find reasons why we have become this way and the analogy was when you are bleeding you don't stop to wonder how or why you just stop the bleeding. This is true however I do want to know why? and how I got here. I am seeing a therapist next week to find some guidance. Thanks for your post.