I had to learn the hard way: I can not gamble normally.....I am a compulsive gambler. and for a compulsive gambler, it's not about the money, it's the process. the action...noise, lights, possibility of winning. It is better to fight through the urges than to give in, because even after a month of being gamble free, you will find yourself right back at square one..............I've been there, and done it, and always feel horrible, as well as surprised that I still can't control my gambling even after time away. none of us can stop another from going, but we can share our experiences to hopefully help another to NOT make the same mistakes we did. post all day if you need to. someone will be here for you.

My house is in a disarray due to renovations as well and I can attest to how stressful that is. If you are like me if I am not engaged in a project, some sort of decorating where I am planning something or researching//looking for purchases to add to say our office which we are currently building or organizing , cooking, baking etc then if I am at home then my mind has started to wander to gambling. I realize I am also a person who likes a lot of stimulation. I love the excitement of creating something or building something or working towards something. I also live in a house full of boys and if they are all watching the game or doing something together it's a trigger for me because that was my time to go and recharge and just do my thing. There must be a trigger in there somewhere. I am trying what I teach my staff ( I train behavioral therapy and crisis management) if there is a trigger, we must change the behavior. I would breathe into what you are feeling, don't try and squash it, just breathe and make yourself go right into it- if you can figure out how you are feeling or what you really need ( comfort, you are frustrated, you need to be creating something, treat yourself to a new book or get your hair done or maybe start an exercise class alone or with a friend) For me it's all of these. It was also telling my husband how glad I was that we were doing some renovations but how hard it was to live in the chaos ( I am a little OCD) I made a small space for myself in the back of the large upstairs bedroom with a little couch, pillows, table and books. It's by a picture window and I go there now to just sit and have a little oasis.
Lean on us here. I can feel that feeling creeping up too and I imagine it's something that will happen a little more as we add numbers to our days of being GF.
XoXo

hope something in this is a gem for you.

So glad you posted this Lorraine, as yesterday it really started to hit me hard. It had only been 10 days since my last relapse, so really too soon I felt for me to be having these urges.

What I came to yesterday was that I was depressed. I know I suffer from depression and am on medication for it. There are just so many things that trigger my feeling of needing to go and just zone out.

In the 12 step recovery program we are warned about key dates, 30, 60 90 days and those being periods of time that we are particularly vulnerable to going back. Someone with more experience than myself might have the reason for that, as I am not quite sure, but know it to be true. Not sure if it is a physical, mental or emotional thing, or all combined. So, to me, it is no surprise that you are having these urges. So proud of you for coming and telling us!!

For me, this past weekend was a little stressful with family things that came up, but I have had worse times. So yesterday when I was really struggling I had to look at it. I know I would get depressed when I went and gambled and lost. But, it had been 10 days and I am really trying not to think of any of my losses right now, or it will send me back. I didn't feel like doing anything yesterday, and I was so very tired. I wasn't getting any of the work done at home that I knew I needed to do. I started to beat myself up for that. Then as I thought about it more, I just realized heh, you are depressed silly and realized that not only did I run to the casino when I was stressed or unhappy, but when I was feeling depressed.

So, my natural response when I am feeling out of it is to go to the casino and try and get myself out of it (self medicate, I guess). I had never really thought this through before, so it was an eye opener for me. I literally had to keep talking to myself and telling myself it was ok that I was not getting done what I needed to. It would come, but just not that day. It was not a reason to go to the casino. It really was a self awareness. Now, I will be honest and tell you the urge did not go away. But I surrounded myself with my family so I could not go. Having limited cash also helped. But really at that point, it was more of a mental and emotional thing, rather than needing the action or the physical craving.

Still am feeling low today and the casino has popped into my mind, but not nearly as bad as yesterday. Is part of all this just habit? I know sometimes it is the action thing for me. When we have done nothing except go to kids functions, watch tve, and just watch the snow fall, I do get antsy and want more excitement in my life than that. Just have to figure out a new way of getting it.

Hope that helps you some! Hang in there. Come here. Again, thank you so much for posting. I wanted to, but was afraid I was just posting too much as of late!

I believe that I literally trained my mind and body to respond to stress, any stress with gambling and avoiding the feeling that accompanied the stress.
Even though we may realize that stress that took us to the casino, the feelings we were avoiding, we have also trained ourselves to address stress and uncomfortable situations in this manner, by gambling and avoiding.
I know that now and in the future I must be careful to learn new coping skills and ways to DEAL with the feelings and stress so that I will not succumb to the old habit of gamlbing.
With the help of this site, GA, working the 12 steps (which I believe bring a lot of this into the light) I can keep on my newfound path of making better choices and dealing with life "on its own terms".
We all must choose our path and with the help of all of the posts here hopefully we can all recover.
I like that everyone here and GA are most sincere in their honest and open sharing to help each other, this is, I believe, also most important.
If you feel the urges, work even harder to maintain,
stay busy and do GA and the steps and here and you will succeed.
You already are.

I'm learning that I have to have a plan in place to NOT go gamble. today I dug up two things I normally enjoy: walking through a thrift shop, finding bargins, and going to the library. Wednesday is usually a trigger day for me because a part of my job takes me to another office that is near the casinos. and, normally, if I have any cash on me, I go during lunch at least. so, today, I went to the thrift store before going to the other office, that satisfied that urge, and used up a little cash. then, at lunch time, I went to the library and used up that hour, and went safely back to work!!! whew!!! I'm going to try to remember other things I used to enjoy before gambling, and start doing them again to stay busy. night time is not too difficult for me, never went a lot at night. (go figure that one out)......anyway, I hope everyone had a gamble-free day.

That's definitely our disease talking to you... I lived in a great deal of fear of the "urge" for the first several months of my recovery. I didn't get any real urges and I sort of thought that the longer I went without one, the bigger the urge would be when it popped up and that scared the hell out of me, thinking I couldn't be strong enough to fight it off. Eventually, I got beyond that fear, mostly by continuing to work on cementing the fact that I am, indeed, a compulsive gambler and I simply cannot win anymore, so there's no reason to try.
Aside from that, this disease is insidious in the truest and deepest form- it waits for the most innocent of times and places, sights and sounds to reach out to you and make it appear that it's OK to give it another shot... For me, it seems like a bright sunny day right after bad weather is the day that it tries to speak to me and I have no idea why... really, I can't see any connection, but there must be one. Just the idea of celebrating or having some true "me" time leaches into my mind, so I've become much more conscious of that and try extra hard to focus on doing something else, getting myself involved in something that takes that option out of the equation. So far, that works best for me.
Jay

yes, yes, yes,

I can't believe the number of times I have heard a sound, smelled a scent, seen a sight that reminded me of some "favorite" machine at the hellhole casino.
I am certain though that by putting new sights, sounds and smells into my concious over time they will "squeeze" out the old senses of the gambling venue.
In the mean time I will be patient and dilligently work to incorporate these new living senses into my thoughts, mind, and unconcious and slowly the darkness gambling instilled into my soul will be eradicated by the light of living.