The last few weeks have been really enjoyable for me. Took a family trip with our 1yo to Disneyland, spent time with family and friends over Thanksgiving, and just enjoyed the clear state of mind that I missed for so long.
This week though I caught a nasty cold and it's thrown me out of my new routine. Gym then work Mon-Thu, GA meeting then work on Friday. I'm a man of routine. I don't like it when that gets disrupted. But I think it's been a good curveball. As others have discussed not every week, day, hour, conversation, chain of events, none of that will always go your way. The plan sometimes gets derailed, and that's okay! Sometimes you're just out of control, how you react is what matters. In the past, when I was sick it wouldn't phase me from my addiciton. Rain or shine, sickness and health I got my action in. What a different kind of sickness that is. Thinking of that is kind of haunting. What the hell was wrong with me? I actually think gambling helped me cope with being sick, because I'm the biggest pain in the A-- when I have a cold. Most men are. We are sissies compared to women :). But I think gambling allowed me to void out feeling bad. That numbness is something I never want to experience again in my life.
Looking forward to getting back to my routine next week when I'm feeling a 100% again. Greatful to be where I'm at today, 51 days gambling free.
Have a great weekend!
I have tried to post on here several times and I just can barley move my fingers to type. My depression is at an all time high. I hate myself and wish I were dead. I will not kill myself but feel I am resigned to a life of toal misery. I am meserable 24 hours a day. Is it the withdrawl from gambling or is it that my brain just dosen't work the way it should. I feel there is no hope. I...
I made my last bet on Nov 8, 2014. It is amazing to me now, because I hardly think about gambling now, and I remember when I walked into therapy in Oct of 2014 I could not stop thinking of gambling. I was suicidal and I did not think I could stop. It took me three weeks of therapy to actually stop gambling. I was miserable for the next three months, but I knew i was more miserable gambling....