I would plan to gamble for about an hour, eight hours later, I'd be panicked! Driving like a maniac to get home before my husband would be getting home from work. I'd be exhausted. Starved to death. Dehydrated. In chaos mode!

I could sit at a machine until my butt was numb, legs and feet asleep, a kink in my neck, a pounding headache, a frozen heart.

The way that my husband reacted to my lies was anger. I would act hurt, how can you not believe me, I was at the mall. It seemed like I would add some far out details, I don't know what I was thinking! Well, I take that back, I know exactly what I was thinking. I was lying & hoping my husband would believe me, or at least just leave me alone. After a hard gambling binge, I preferred to isolate, if I could. It was getting harder and harder to pretend (lie) that everything was normal, everything was alright. I couldn't sleep at night, but I didn't dare get up and stress, I just laid there in bed, thinking about the next time I could go out and do it all over again. My addiction became self punishment, my reaction to that, insanity.

I don't want to live like that ever again. So, just for today, I will not gamble... Good topic, thanks :)

Thank you for responding. With H I know when he is lying because he starts giving too much information. When I told him this he started coming in with "I was out". But, I would become so infuriated and feel that I have to confront him on everything.

But, I have gotten to the point that I know that does nothing but wears me out and gets me excited. It also causes a lot of tension that isn't healthy for anyone. So, now I just sit back and say nothing. At times, he comes in and goes straight to bed. He will say he is sorry, but he looks so bad, pitiful,sad and just disgusted. He doesn't talk to anyone and he sleeps all day. He tells me to tell anyone that calls for him that he isn't home.

I was hoping by me asking the questions that I wouldn't offend anyone. I am just trying to gain as much knowledge as possible and also learn how to deal with some of my H actions.

My CG description pretty much matches Moyer's. It's like I could have written it myself.

I often gambled for 8-10 hours. Each time I usually only meant to be there for 1-2 hours.

Once I even wet myself because I couldn't get myself to stop long enough to go relieve myself. (I know that is totally disgusting but I didn't care... nothing mattered when I was gambling.) Here's the thing, I tied my sweater around my waist and stayed a couple more hours. I was so sick.

I'm sharing this so you'll know how out of control a CG is when they're gambling.

Your H needs help. It's an awful way to live. No one can make someone else get help but I pray he seeks it.

Jas, thank you so much for your honesty. And you are right, he does need help. And I can't make him go get help, but I have begun praying for him daily. The month of March and so far April, has been a serious binge for him. I admit I would pray now and then. But, He is on a binge, and I am on my knees daily praying.

One thing is I don't lie about time or money no matter how much time or money I have wasted,
I'm honest and upfront about that. When I say I'm gonna stop and mean it with all my heart, then I don't, now my H thinks that is a big lie, but of course I say well I got carried away or say I was trying to win some of the money back, I never say it's a lie or rarely ever admit to that, sometimes I do. He gets frustrated alot about that I know. I hate the not being trusted, I think that bothers me the most, but unless and until I do better, I really don't deserve the trust and that is the truth.

This is a great topic, and as far as I am concerned there is nothing offending about your questions at all.

Wow....just the memories that your questions evoked made me almost feel sick to my stomach. That's a good thing for a cg like me as the mind makes it too easy to forget the painful consequences of being in action.

I too would gamble all night long. I could be absolutely exhausted, dizzy, nauseated and weak and I would continue to gamble. At times I would almost plead with myself to get up and leave and yet I could not do it. I remember one time silently wishing that someone would come along and physically drag me off of the stool and out of the casino.

Coming home after gambling like this, trying to pretend that nothing was wrong and putting on a facade for my husband and kids was so hard. Inside I was crying and screaming, my mind going frantically round and round trying to figure out how to replace the money I had lost. If it was possible I would crawl into bed and sleep as long as possible. It is a horrible, gut wrenching way to live.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I can't imagine being in your position, the spouse or loved one of a compulsive gambler. It is good that you are praying for your husband and I will too.

Hugs, Julie

Julie, thank you so much for your prayers. We need all we can get. I am glad that I started this topic too. I am learning a lot.

Thank you all for your honesty and sharing. If there are other spouses on here that have wondered like me, they can learn from all of this. Trust me, for me learning all of this has shown me that a CG can gamble for hours and not have the ability to get up an leave, even though they may want to.

I am learning alot. This all is so much help for me.

My DH lied so much to me over the years. He has begun to tell me some "things" that have happened during his binges. I never knew how bad it was because he dealt with a bookie so his gambling never involved loss of time. What is also amazing is that he has never lost sleep. Over the years, we have had so many confrontations about his secret loans. He recently told me about keeping his winnings in the attic of our old house. I never saw the winnings cause he would lose them.

About ten years ago, I wrote a letter to Dear Abby about his addiction. At this time, all our bills were paid each month. She wrote me back and told me it did not sound like he had a problem and to quit nagging. I listened and we went on our bi-yearly casino trips. We agreed that if we did this, he would not bet with the bookies.
On the trips, he would win and I would take the money and keep it. We went on 8 trips and paid for our trips and brought winnings home. But the steak ended on our last two trips...And we had a terrible trip. He would get angry if I would not get more money. I beleive that our last failed trip to Vegas triggered his "rock bottom" gambling binge. Also, Back in October, we sold out our interest in his company and paid off so much of his/our debt. But before I knew it, he had every bank loan we paid off back to there limit. Plus he borrowed money from friends and his family and took out a new huge bank loan. When i found out about the bank loans, he lied by saying he was buying cars on the side and selling them.

He lied so much to me and had his family and friends hide their loans from me also. I am trying so hard to forget the past and move forward. Venting on this site helps me so much.

Thank you all for listening. I beleive with Gods help that we can rebuild our trust. I want so bad to beleive him. I do love him. And he is a wonderful person with a bad illness.

Please pray for us.
Georgia gam

Georgia, that is the best way to describe my DH too. He is a wonderful person with a bad illness. At times I will listen to my Hubby when he saying things and I wish I really could believe most of it. But at this point, I can't.

All I can do is pray for him and try and support him when he is ready to get help, but at this point I can't confront about where he has been, ask if he has been to the casino, or even confront him on the lies when he tells them. I love him and the only thing I can do at this point is pray for him, us, our home and ask the good Lord to deliver him from this illness. I pray and ask the good Lord to help him take the steps to get help.