Haven't posted in a few weeks, but I thought this milestone deserved a little recognition. January 1st marked my 90th day without gambling. As a former betting man, I'd venture to guess that one of my resolutions on 1/1/17 was "catch a few more big scores." That didn't happen, but the end result on 12/31/17 was so much more valuable than any big score.
My wife and son are up in the Pacific Northwest visiting my in laws. I've been at home for the last week with no one watching, no rules, and extra time on my hands due to the holidays. Like many, this would normally be a time I'd go on a gambling bender. In the race/sports book from opening to close, spending and spending, reaching deeper than I knew I should but without care. I know the extra time this week made my wife uneasy (rightfully so), and for the first time during my recovery had me feeling similar. I knew I wasn't going to relapse, but I think the thought that I could if I wanted to was still in the back of my mind. Instead of sitting home I addressed the issue head on. I went to lunch at a casino and sat right next to the race book. I watched a football game in the sports book. I went to the movies at a casino and walked by the race book. I did these things on purpose. I refuse to live in a shell. I'm stronger than the addicition and I need to continue proving that to myself. For me, I feel that there is only risk if I give in to the addiction which I refuse to do. In 3 months I have found new resources, tools, and motivation as to why NOT gambling is the path I need to be on.
I continue using the advice I read early in my recover...play the tape. It turns out the same EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So on Day 91 today I feel good. I feel proud. I feel like there is still a lot more work to do on myself. But I know I'm doing the right thing for me and my family. Today is a good day.
Last few weeks I've had a few gambling dreams that woke me up feeling pretty crappy. When I was gambling I'd have dreams where I won big sums of money, only to wake up disappointed that it was just a dream. Now my dreams have changed. In fact, I haven't had a dream of winning since I quit.My dreams now typically have me in a casino with a big chunk of cash in my pocket. I know I shouldn't gamble....
I’m not struggling today. I have no desire to gamble. I realize there’s no cure for my addiction, but I know, that by not feeding my addiction, I can begin leading a better way of living, and thinking. I’m not struggling today, but I never want to forget it’s because I’m not gambling today. Never. To become complacent would be detrimental to my recovery, I’ve had to learn...