Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I had a close call yesterday. I talked a friend of mine into going to the casino, and I went along. I used my manipulation strategies that I thought I put behind me, and I told her that I was fine to do that. I was not. I had a friend's funeral yesterday, and I drove 14 hours round trip to see my grandmother on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday (she didn't even remember me, and she is in her nineties), but I am not using that as an excuse. I should not have manipulated my friend, and I should not have played with fire by entering a casino. Luckily, I escaped it without being burned, but next time, I might not be near as lucky. I am really disappointed with myself (because I thought I was stronger), but thank God that I did not put any money into any machines and gamble. I did not do that because I purposely left all of my money at home. I am sorry if I rambled, but I just wanted to get this off of my chest. Thank you so much for reading this. I hope that you all are having a nice weekend.
Sue
Sue
As for the manipulation of your friend, although it wasn't an honorable thing to do, you very well may have been doing a self-test. Knowing that you needed a guardian if you entered the casino, and doing whatever it took to get one. Testing your resolve and willpower. It's playing with fire, you have recognized that, but I think that sometimes we need re-validation in strange ways.
Reflect on the sadness you feel about manipulating your friend, but also think about the way you felt at the casino, even though you were not gambling yourself. Did you recognize the "old" you in the glazed looks of the CG's all around you? Did you feel GOOD there? Did it make the urges stronger? Was it a place that made you feel comfortable and strong and empowered, or did it remind you of the grief and stress and anxiety that you experienced as an active CG?
You did dodge a bullet. Next time, don't put yourself in the line of fire!!!
And thank you for posting this, I think this is a place to feel safe to admit our weak moments. I have had mine, for sure!!!
Good for you....what matters most, regardless of led you to conjure up the arrangements to visit the Hell Hole, you were strong enough to stave off the heat of the asylum. Don't be too hard on yourself, for at times I think we all try to put ourselves in harms way to perhaps test our fortitude and strength. Or even to experience whether we feel A complete disconnect from what was once our sanctuaries.
I have been invited to accompany my ex to a concert in September to see Kenny Loggins. It is being hosted at the Tropicana Hotel in Atlantic City. He was hesitant to ask whether I wanted to go, and I was very quick to allay his fears that this might be a trigger for me to "return to the action of the dungeon.". The truth is, I am not sure what I will feel when this trip comes to be, and I have to walk through the casino to get to the showroom. I do know that I DO NOT intend to gamble, but other than that...well that is a question that will be answered in about six weeks.
Stay focused, Play back the tapes from the beginning and remember why you began this journey in the first place. I'm sure you'll agree that your life is so much more settled without the pain gambling inflicts on us and those around who love us so.
Be well, stay strong....and for sure, vent any darn time you want! That's what this forum is for and why we are here.
Much love,
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