i dont think i'll ever have the courage to find out the exact number, good for you, please be on the call tonite!

Good for you for staying away!!! It gets better, I have lost way more than that after several years of gambling and I was poor! We somehow always find the way to gamble sometimes at the cost of our future, It's really sad, this illness but its not terminal. We can be cured, Working toward mine, one day at a time, I WONT GAMBLE TODAY

I don't know how to estimate my gambling losses. I have near $115,000 in various debt from credit cards, personal loans, 401k loans and back taxes from my gambling. I have no money in the bank and live very humbly, paycheck to paycheck. In 3 years I have filed nearly $500,000 in gambling W2s and have nothing but debt to show for it. I have gotten over the numbers. They're meaningless. There's always someone worse off than me. Nothing I have done to my life is permanent. I am learning to disassociate money with happiness. There is plenty of things to enjoy on this planet without a dollar in my pocket. I am just grateful I am in control of my life again. It's worth $115,000 not to be a slave to the casino anymore. That's a small price to pay.

Thank you all for your support. It means a lot to me.

I liked to "joke" that they should have named a wing of the casino after me for how much I spent there. I don't want to do the math but I recall, on a visit to a gambling psychiatrist, my goal was to only spend $2000 a month at the casino instead of what I was spending. How crazy is that? Sometimes I would try to justify it as equivalent to a charitable contribution since in my state the casinos are on Indian reservations. Weird views and excuses about money when in the grip of gambling addiction.

I was on the call tonight. I did not speak but I listened. Really inspired to no longer fool myself into thinking I can be a social gambler. I admit it now I am compulsive and I must stop. 2 days clean and feeling good. I am now going to shred all my casino cards and never look back.

The money is overwhelming to begin with but I lost much more. I lost my job and nearly my freedom because of my compulsive gambling. The worst part was losing my self esteem, hating myself even, my values disappeared from sight.
I forgot that I love nature, photography, art, fresh air, friends, Scrabble, children, music, dancing, plays, parks, dogs...you get the picture.
With my counselors' help and many, many tools, I have worked hard to gain 7 months abstinence, but more important than that I found myself again and I like her. I like her friends and I am enjoying life, and feeling more loved than I ever have.

My losses would be astronomical, my current debt is enough for me to know.

amerprin,

Do you live in a state where self-exclusion is possible? If so, do it now while your resolve is strong. I did it quickly after I lost everything and it made a world of difference.

Near the end of my gambling days, I fell into a pattern of going to the casino on paydays and gambling most of my check away. I would feel terrible and vow that "this will be the last time"...until next payday. As sick as this sounds, it was almost a relief when all of my money was gone - I didn't have to torture myself. But as soon as my check hit the bank I forgot all of the pain of the previous two weeks and went again.

Shredding your cards is good, but they will be glad to print you another one. Get mad at them!!

I read a lot about the physical response our brains have to gambling. The casinos know it as well and they use it against you. I knew I had to retrain my brain to associate the casino with MASSIVE pain. Rather than forget it, I took that memory of sitting in front of that slot machine and inserting my last 20 bill into it with tears in my eyes - I took that memory and SEARED it into my brain. Then, when I would think about going again, I would invoke that memory. If you do this enough times, your brain will associate those urges with pain.

Do whatever it takes and stay strong!

Shred my casino cards last night. And it felt very empowering to do that. You see I was struggling with losing all these comps that I had built up. I was even entertaining the thought of going back to the casino to use all my comps. Wasn't planning to gamble. But then I was on the call last night and everyone who spoke made so much sense to me. STAY AWAY. That is what I realize. I do not need to be with temptation. So today I celebrate 3 days clean. Thank you all for sharing.

amerprin, I am right here with you at 5 days. Let's stay here and work on getting 'well' together. I could not have come this far without this this forum - that is to say all the shared pain, successes, and encouragement of real people. Thanks to all.

I was on the Wednesday night call but got bumped off - may have been my phone service. Sounds like it was helpful to you, will try again next week.

Yes. PennyLuv. I really want to be done with gambling. So I plan to post regularly on this site. :)

Ameriprin, this is a great site to be apart of. I found it 2 months ago. I also listen into the phone calls.
After 2 months I have money. Oh I have to dig myself out of the dept I created, but I have money, and I can be with myself. I found the Casino, because I had lost family members and it was a way of me escaping the pain. I was winning and then I was hooked. I have lost a bunch of money, but the worst thing was I lost myself. I couldn't set still, I was always passing if not physically, I was passing in my brain. I had a smile on my face but I was so angry on the inside.
Now I know what peace is. I actually believe God let me go through all this for a reason. The self hate was huge and I now recognize when I see someone with their head hanging low.
I feel like me again, I trust me again. At this point I do miss the sound of ding ding ding, not going to lie about that, but I have to tell myself that it is not worth trading the actual calm I feel in my soul.

Check out what is actually happening to your brain when this sickness takes over. It is all being rewired for destruction.
Take back you life and don't let the casino have your future.

Most of all, forgive yourself.

Thank you Marie. Your post was inspiring for me.

Ameriprin, I am so glad you are still with us. Life is soooo much better for me without gambling. Especially since I made the effort to do something else. I am having a lot more fun and I am feeling loved. I was always loved but could not feel it in the throes of gambling.
I am better able to judge healthy and unhealthy and I am feel nearly FREE!
I will have 7 months of abstinence on Monday. I never want to go back to that dark, lonely, depressive place that I was in while gambling.

Qwit4good. That is wonderful that you have been free 7 months. I look forward to me being free that long.