Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I've often said in my posts that losing money gambling, even though it was a lot of money, was the least of what I lost during my active compulsive gambling period. I had lost the honesty in my relationships,, my dignity, being present in my life, my peace of mind, in general, my sanity. But this post IS about the money.
I was looking back on some of my old journal entries, and one of the recurring themes in them was the focus on how much money I'd lost. I just couldn't let go of it. We all have chased losses per session, but this was an obsession with the *overall* losses of my crazy year, thousands and thousands of dollars. For a while I kept thinking "One good spin, and I can win back at least half of it". As if mitigating the losses would make what I had done "less bad". Or, an alternate fantasy; winning the "big one" . That, of course would have justified my compulsive gambling. "See? I persevered, and ended up way up!" Fantasy being the key word in this scenario.
I was chasing my cumulative losses way too long. Then, I changed my mindset. Instead of chasing the losses with more losses, after I stopped going to the casino, I would mentally ADD my non-gambled money to my usable income. There was an extra X number of dollars in my account every week. Even rationalize, OK, 10 years from now it would be as if I had lost only 5K per year, just under $100 per week. Not a crazy amount of money. And yes, I used the word rationalize. But sometimes rationalization is a powerful coping tool. Sometimes rationalization is just a shift in perspective. Sometimes rationalization can propel you out of terribly destructive patterns.
So instead of chasing the losses, I mentally turned the LACK of losses into an asset. Sometimes the absence of a negative *is* a positive. And once our energy isn't being spent on losing money, it can be turned around into being used to MAKE money. Getting a second job, or more effort in our first jobs resulting in raises or bonuses or additional commission. Before you know it, those gambling losses ARE mitigated or replenished by NOT gambling, and by putting the effort into earning instead of "winning".
Someone once wrote on this forum something that became my mantra early on in my recovery. "Win at first, play til it's gone. Lose at first "The chase is on!" Once I "let go" of the losses, I was able to stop playing, and losing, and chasing. Now my mental balance sheet is steadily moving up, instead of down.
Just some thoughts....:)
I was looking back on some of my old journal entries, and one of the recurring themes in them was the focus on how much money I'd lost. I just couldn't let go of it. We all have chased losses per session, but this was an obsession with the *overall* losses of my crazy year, thousands and thousands of dollars. For a while I kept thinking "One good spin, and I can win back at least half of it". As if mitigating the losses would make what I had done "less bad". Or, an alternate fantasy; winning the "big one" . That, of course would have justified my compulsive gambling. "See? I persevered, and ended up way up!" Fantasy being the key word in this scenario.
I was chasing my cumulative losses way too long. Then, I changed my mindset. Instead of chasing the losses with more losses, after I stopped going to the casino, I would mentally ADD my non-gambled money to my usable income. There was an extra X number of dollars in my account every week. Even rationalize, OK, 10 years from now it would be as if I had lost only 5K per year, just under $100 per week. Not a crazy amount of money. And yes, I used the word rationalize. But sometimes rationalization is a powerful coping tool. Sometimes rationalization is just a shift in perspective. Sometimes rationalization can propel you out of terribly destructive patterns.
So instead of chasing the losses, I mentally turned the LACK of losses into an asset. Sometimes the absence of a negative *is* a positive. And once our energy isn't being spent on losing money, it can be turned around into being used to MAKE money. Getting a second job, or more effort in our first jobs resulting in raises or bonuses or additional commission. Before you know it, those gambling losses ARE mitigated or replenished by NOT gambling, and by putting the effort into earning instead of "winning".
Someone once wrote on this forum something that became my mantra early on in my recovery. "Win at first, play til it's gone. Lose at first "The chase is on!" Once I "let go" of the losses, I was able to stop playing, and losing, and chasing. Now my mental balance sheet is steadily moving up, instead of down.
Just some thoughts....:)
I think trying to recoup the money we lost was a big reason WHY we went back time and time again, at least it was the reason we thought we were going back. I think your analysis is right on target. All the money you spent on your lifestyle is now available to be used for other things that will lead you to a happier and much healthier life! That last 7K *was* an investment!
I like your term "finding positive light gamble free" . It takes a while to see the light, to find or rediscover the things that bring us pleasure or excitement or that triumphant feeling we used to get from the "win". But I believe very strongly that once we see that light, we become for the first time fully aware, REALLY aware, of that darkness we used to live in. The darkness cloaked by the bright flashing lights of the casino.
I wonder, just out of curiosity, how many professional athletes become compulsive gamblers once they are out of the game? I would think the rush of winning and the build-up to the game itself, would be addictive. And that once the spotlight is off of them, and the games are over, where do they find the rush? I would think a higher than average percentage turn to gambling...just a guess.
I can so relate to your post, although I do have children. It took a while to figure out that my gambling was part of a spiral. I was primed for the addiction to take hold, was bored in general with life, feeling stagnant, no real goals. The major milestones of my life had passed and there was nothing BIG in my life to look forward to-grandchildren many many years away. My relationship was stagnant, everything was blah. Then I would go to the casino, with the lights and sounds and excitement, and I would feel a rush. So, with the calculated intent of the slot manufacturers to reel people like me in, I happily swallowed that hook and whoosh! It was the perfect storm.
Eradicating gambling from my life (that's my new term!) enabled me to take a clear look at what was missing from my life. Those things that had made me a perfect catch. Obviously, those issues just grew and grew as a result of gambling. The distancing from the people in my life due to the secrets, lies, and preoccupation with scrambling to cover bills and keep my bank account from being overdrawn every week. So, the more isolated I became, the more gambling was an escape from my increasingly empty life.
You sound so desolate. And the only answer to that is to reach out for HUMAN relationships. It's hard, I know. But having relationships with people is the only way to break away from the "relationship" you had with the machines. FORCE yourself to interact. Volunteer somewhere. I hung out with a bunch of seniors at a Senior Center when I first quit. Listened to them, and their words of wisdom from a life well lived. Join a group or club. Call old friends. Inject yourself back into a life with people. However you can.
This is an opportunity for YOU to write the next chapter in your life. To figure out what's important to you, what you are missing, and what you need to do to get where you want to be. When you imagine yourself 5 years down the road, what would you like to be doing, who would you like to have in your life? Five years from now the mess you've made of your life due to gambling will be a distant memory. What will it be replaced with? You need to start the replacements now!
It seems you feel like the emptiness you have in your life right now is permanent. It's not! You just have to figure out what you want to fill that emptiness with, knowing that gambling just keeps making that hole bigger, along with creating more emptiness in your wallet!
Keep posting!