Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Today I am humbled, I am grateful and I'm happy. 75 days GF.
So many Fridays I would run home, clean up my house, feed the dogs, and once I felt accomplished with getting my "chores" done, I would run to one of the many casinios in San Diego. I would go saying I was just leaving for a few hours, and of course, days later I would be back.
Even during my last few weeks of gambling, although I was exhausted, I would still get the excitement or the rush. Towards the end of my gambling, especially the last time, I remember feeling as though it was a "chore" to stay, to place the bet, I became lazy and even more reckless with my bets. I started to play other table games, not just the one I usually played.
When I finally decided to quit and I really wanted to quit, part of me thought, I would miss it, it was my time to do what I wanted to do, it was hard for me to even grasp never playing cards again. Someone told me to take it one day at a time, that was easier to handle then "never again." Although I do, I take my recovery one day at a time, I also know, for me, its best that I tell myself, I can never gamble again. And its okay, I said good bye to that chapter of my life, and just like any other abusive relationship, letting go isn't easy, but, its the healthiest choice I have ever made for myself.
For me, I can't just walk away from anything, letting go for me, is the hardest thing to do, I feel sadness to my core, when I lost my dad, or my grandma, who was my best friend, I didn't think I would survive the pain, but I did. I let go with love, and I was grateful for the time I had with them. With that said, I have let go of my gambling, the abusive relationship that I had with gambling, and instead of being angry, I haven chosen to let go, with respect for the addiction that it is.
I can't explain it very well, other than say, I have put a protective order against that gambling relationship, and I need to stay away from gambling, otherwise, the consequences will be devastating.
New chapters.
xoxoxo
So many Fridays I would run home, clean up my house, feed the dogs, and once I felt accomplished with getting my "chores" done, I would run to one of the many casinios in San Diego. I would go saying I was just leaving for a few hours, and of course, days later I would be back.
Even during my last few weeks of gambling, although I was exhausted, I would still get the excitement or the rush. Towards the end of my gambling, especially the last time, I remember feeling as though it was a "chore" to stay, to place the bet, I became lazy and even more reckless with my bets. I started to play other table games, not just the one I usually played.
When I finally decided to quit and I really wanted to quit, part of me thought, I would miss it, it was my time to do what I wanted to do, it was hard for me to even grasp never playing cards again. Someone told me to take it one day at a time, that was easier to handle then "never again." Although I do, I take my recovery one day at a time, I also know, for me, its best that I tell myself, I can never gamble again. And its okay, I said good bye to that chapter of my life, and just like any other abusive relationship, letting go isn't easy, but, its the healthiest choice I have ever made for myself.
For me, I can't just walk away from anything, letting go for me, is the hardest thing to do, I feel sadness to my core, when I lost my dad, or my grandma, who was my best friend, I didn't think I would survive the pain, but I did. I let go with love, and I was grateful for the time I had with them. With that said, I have let go of my gambling, the abusive relationship that I had with gambling, and instead of being angry, I haven chosen to let go, with respect for the addiction that it is.
I can't explain it very well, other than say, I have put a protective order against that gambling relationship, and I need to stay away from gambling, otherwise, the consequences will be devastating.
New chapters.
xoxoxo
have a good weekend!!
I compared this to visiting a gravesite for our loved ones. Yes, it's gone but we still do remember the good, bad and ugly.
I am so happy that you are doing well!
Love,
Victoria