Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
The last couple of threads have really gotten me thinking, once again. Which is good. TheNewWay said it so well i think on her post "Desire to Gamble". It was - "I believe that I literally trained my mind and body to respond to stress, any stress with gambling and avoiding the feeling that accompanied the stress.
Even though we may realize that stress that took us to the casino, the feelings we were avoiding, we have also trained ourselves to address stress and uncomfortable situations in this manner, by gambling and avoiding."
I feel this is so true for me too. My disappointments, my depression, my sadness, my boredome, my stresses, you name it, it brought up an automatic response to want to gamble and to numb myself, zone out, forget about everything for a while. I was avoiding.
So I am wondering what tools everyone are using to deal with those feelings, guilt, unhappiness, etc.? Realistically, just like an alcoholic uses alcohol to numb their feelings, so do we use the casino, or whatever type of gambling we are doing. Once you take the gambling away, it doesn't stop what is causing us to go. So, we are left with those raw emotions and feelings. What is everyone doing to conquer those, now that they are gamble free?
Thanks in advance for your input!
Even though we may realize that stress that took us to the casino, the feelings we were avoiding, we have also trained ourselves to address stress and uncomfortable situations in this manner, by gambling and avoiding."
I feel this is so true for me too. My disappointments, my depression, my sadness, my boredome, my stresses, you name it, it brought up an automatic response to want to gamble and to numb myself, zone out, forget about everything for a while. I was avoiding.
So I am wondering what tools everyone are using to deal with those feelings, guilt, unhappiness, etc.? Realistically, just like an alcoholic uses alcohol to numb their feelings, so do we use the casino, or whatever type of gambling we are doing. Once you take the gambling away, it doesn't stop what is causing us to go. So, we are left with those raw emotions and feelings. What is everyone doing to conquer those, now that they are gamble free?
Thanks in advance for your input!
It could even be something (when I don't have an outing or activity to look forward to- I spent all my money on gambling before so I have been ordering online small items that I love, a favorite body spray or something nice for my bath, scented things I like such as oils or incense, a favorite lipstick or liner or some new item for my home.) When I buy them online I have the wait until they come in and have something to look forward to in the mail. I also have been choosing online friends or friends that live far away and collect little items for them for a gift box I can send away. These things give me something to look forward to and I get to collect or hunt for treasures- they take me out of myself.
The depression and sadness or the boredom and loneliness I have been mostly just trying to face them. I sit with them and realize they are not that bad. They are not as bad as giving in to something so terrible for my psyche and my well-being. It's uncomfortable but I tell myself that it's growing pains and hat 6 months or a year from now if I do the work and sit with the discomfort I am going to be a deeper more self realized person. That's sort of exciting.
I seek change and excitement. I know that about me so I try and think of other ways of doing that then the casino thrill which is bad for me.
I am still learning as I go along. Sometimes all I can do is organize or clean a cupboard or closet till the bad feeling passes.
=/
There is no one easy fix.
Wish we all lived closer. A walk and talk with a friend who understood would be a fine thing.
Want to quit and stay quit? Find out more about how to stick to your goals and maintain change.
People with gambling problems often find that many of their social contacts and activities involve gambling. One of the most important aspects of maintaining change is finding ways to spend the time that used to be spent gambling.
Finding something else to do to fill the void can be difficult at first. Nothing is going to be as exciting as gambling. But it is important to remember that nothing is going to feel as bad as the remorse after another gambling loss.
Filling the void can also help with the inevitable urges or cravings that will come your way.
Alternative activities
Now that you have decided to quit or cut down on gambling, it is helpful to think of other ways to spend your time. Most people find that gambling took up much of their time and/or money and without it life seems empty and dull.
Planning to act, think and feel differently can help. Some people find they have to fake it till they make it - to try different ways of thinking, acting and feeling until it becomes a habit.
It is important to develop activities other than gambling to 'fill the gap'.
Thinking
Tapping into your thoughts and thinking can be really useful when trying to change behaviour such as gambling. Sometimes our minds can play tricks on us and set us up to gamble. By getting in touch with our thoughts we can start to challenge and change our behaviour and negative thought patterns.
Some examples of thoughts that contribute to an urge to gamble are:
"I'm feeling lucky"
"I'm only going to spend $20"
"It's a good way to pay for the bills"
"I can have bit of fun, it's a good break"
"Once won't hurt"
A way to overcome these thoughts is to challenge them. You can do this by asking yourself.
What evidence do I have for this, where has it gotten me?
What would my partner/loved one say and feel?
How does this fit with my goals. How would I feel?
Be kind to yourself and remind yourself that these are only thoughts. they cannot harm you or control you, you are in control.
Emotions
Sometimes feeling bad or sad can trigger the urge to gamble. Try an alternative activity that helps you manage and cope with your emotions.
Loneliness: call a friend, catch up with friends, join a club
Boredom: watch a movie, go to the gym, walk, clean the house, surf the net
Restless: go to the gym, exercise, dance, swim, go fishing
Sad: do anything that is physical to elevate your mood
Angry: Express your frustration in a productive way, talk to someone about how you're feeling, run up a hill, yell at the sky
If you start to feel overwhelmed with how you are feeling remind yourself that these are only feelings, they cannot physically harm or hurt you. You can take control.
Rewards
Have you ever noticed that when you win you want to play again? Rewards can be a powerful tool to help you maintain change and keep your goals on track.
Why not reward yourself with a movie ticket, a gym membership or maybe a weekend away?
If your answer is I'm not worth it, I have too much debt or I have no time, maybe you are undermining your efforts to change. If so, it might be helpful to speak to a counsellor today.
Next steps
For help with maintaining change you can:
Read about how you can exclude yourself from a venue
Find out how managing your money can help you stay on track
There was a particular line in your response Stopat56 - "Filling the void can also help with the inevitable urges or cravings that will come your way."
I need to remember that it is inevitable that I will have urges and cravings. I am an addict! Alot of good suggestions, thank you!
I agree,
FILL the void,
I relapsed when I did not; fill the void.
I also truly believe that we need to get in touch with our feelings,
not to be afraid to feel things.
learn how to interpret our feelings and instead of just REACTING by gambling, take the time to assess the feeling and effectively learn and implement new coping strategies. Learn to make better choices.
We can only do this by first abstaining with GA, here and hinderances to money and gambling and then once feeling a little pressure relief we can focus on the actual feeling better choices and living once again.
Great post and most insightful responses.
I just love the open and honest sharing that occurs with people trying to "tweek" their recovery techniques to make it happen and keep it that way.
I loved this
"6 months or a year from now if I do the work and sit with the discomfort I am going to be a deeper more self realized person."
sit with the discomfort.
I believe as you, that you got it.
you get it and
you are doing it.
making changes and filling the voids and also rewarding yourself.
how cool is that.
You are a recovery guru.
thank you
I like this as well,
" Planning to act, think and feel differently can help. Some people find they have to fake it till they make it - to try different ways of thinking, acting and feeling until it becomes a habit. "
again,
acting and feeling until............
I wasn't acting or feeling anything other than the anticipation of zoning out and not feeling or acting whatsoever just sitting.
What a waste of life and energy and potential.
We become so enamored with this machine but I also believe it is the brain chemistry and the dopamine we want surging through our brain that plays a huge roll. It is the unlearning of this damn old habit that is the bugger and it takes much effort to retrain our brain.
thank you for the significant time and effort in your post.
Divorced five years ago... This site and the support really helped, but somehow I isolated myself and started living at the casinos... :(. Now I'm back on this site for gambling recovery. I read my posts from 2009, the ones I did not delete and it was like going to a time capsule. If I could go back in time, I would tell myself to be good to yourself. In recovery now and going to GA meetings (6 months free). Going to the gym, staying busy, starting hobbies and gardening, Taking it easy, one day at a time.
Posted on 02/15/14, 09:32 pm
6 months free, wow,
divorce is hard and I did it two years ago
and found the casino,
literally just fell in the door and never came out.
just kidding,
it felt that way.
I am so happy to have finally woke up to reality
and dealing with my feelings and moving on to living life.
again,
great job and way to go recognizing the isolation this thing
can elicit.
we are stronger than we think sometimes.