Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Hi Everyone,
Sorry I haven't been on in awhile. Although I haven't gone back to the casino, I have been in a deep, deep depression lately. We are in a heap load of debt because of that hell hole place, and even though it's almost been 5 months, I guess the depression has hit because I thought we'd be in much better shape than we are. We are still behind in our mortgage and the bills are still mounting. They are going down, but so so slowly! I think what bothers me the most is that my kids can't really have a lot right now. They are taken care of, but the fun stuff we always love to do with them just can't happen as much, if at all, because we never have any money. I feel so sorry for them and I hate myself because my husband and I are at fault. I feel like the worst mother ever. I have the best kids and they deserve so much more. I am trying so hard, but it just seems like it's taking forever to get to "normalcy". I hate that gambling did this to us. Why couldn't I have figured this out 15 years ago???
Sorry I haven't been on in awhile. Although I haven't gone back to the casino, I have been in a deep, deep depression lately. We are in a heap load of debt because of that hell hole place, and even though it's almost been 5 months, I guess the depression has hit because I thought we'd be in much better shape than we are. We are still behind in our mortgage and the bills are still mounting. They are going down, but so so slowly! I think what bothers me the most is that my kids can't really have a lot right now. They are taken care of, but the fun stuff we always love to do with them just can't happen as much, if at all, because we never have any money. I feel so sorry for them and I hate myself because my husband and I are at fault. I feel like the worst mother ever. I have the best kids and they deserve so much more. I am trying so hard, but it just seems like it's taking forever to get to "normalcy". I hate that gambling did this to us. Why couldn't I have figured this out 15 years ago???
Its just going to take time ... and I learned a long time ago that TIME stands for : Things I must earn.
Why not try to do things with your kids that doesn't cost any money at all or little? ... taking a walk together and playing the ABC game ( like you would do if you were riding in the car with the billboard signs), or plan and do a treasure hunt, play hide and seek, make cookies or bake a cake together, go thru the toys and old clothing and donate what you or them dont use or wear anymore to charity, plan a family night of movies and popcorn.
( granted I dont know how old your kids are, but you can adjust my suggestions to their ages Im sure ).
I completely understand your depression , and Im only on day 3 of not gambling. However, I know that If I continue to look at all the damage Ive done to myself, it will throw me into a really bad place and I'll end up where I dont want to be.
So, instead, Im trying to count and recognize the blessings I do have.
Hang in there ... you're doing great! Dont be so ruff on yourself, cheer up ... things could be ALOT worse.
My son caried a lot of anger towards me. At age of 13, I took him to 2GA and 1 Gamanon meetings. We had a lot of long conversations. Some of them would end up with tears, crying both of us.
After a while, I realized all My feelings about me being bad mother coming from Guilt. They love me for being their mother, their loving Mother. They don't ask me for things, but every day asking me about my schedule, if I am home or working. All they want to be around me and spend time together.
Atticus, you are sweetheart! I loved your post! If it would not be for your reply, it hard for me to talk about neglect towards my own children. All caused by gambling and shifting values as a result.
Love you all, Vicky.
Please, forgive yourself .. At least try, love of your family, your kids and silent love from us will help you.
We can do this, yes, we will do this! Fight!!!
Anyway, things could absolutely be worse. My family, thank God, is all together and healthy and have food, clothing, good schools and we do have a lot of love for them...they've always known that. But they see that we are sad, and they know we struggle with money right now. I just want to be happy and at peace. That's all. No worries about how we are going to get through to our next paycheck. There are many people struggling to get by, and many in much worse scenarios than me...I know my vent sounds selfish...my thing is that I wouldn't have a problem dealing with this if it were for any other reason than gambling. If it weren't for gambling, I wouldn't have to worry about money. That's why I'm so bitter and sad....self-inflicted, wasteful debt. I'm trying so hard to be positive, but it's tough. My husband and I take it out on each other lately too. We yell at each other for the littlest things. We were never like this before. I think we resent each other because we both have the problem and in a way blame each other for what we are going through now. I just want to be close again. I want our kids to see the parents that were crazy about each other and would never say a mean word to each other. Gambling changed our personalities!! It made us irresponsible and bitter people. Thanks for listening...sorry for the vent...I just keep praying to God that this guilt eases and I can forgive myself. I just can't heal until I learn how to do that. The guilt is just killing me. :( Thanks again, everyone...I really appreciate you and pray for you as well. :)
Everyone's reply here rings so, so true. I don' t know how old your children are, but know in your heart that they carry unconditional love for you and your husband. They don't want to see you hurting, or you and your husband sad, or worse yet bickering with each other. If they are young, sometimes they internalize what they see as being their fault, and that's the last thing you want them growing up to believe.
This process, this journey takes time. I completely understand your thoughts about "thinking we'd be in better shape than we are "...after 5 months. Well, if you think about it, you are...because for 5 months you've not been digging a deeper hell hole. For the past 5 months, you've been, instead building a better past, not rife with throwing away your hard earned money....you're taking ownership by meeting your responsibilities to the best of your ability. You probably couldn't say that about yourself 6 or 7 months ago.
"Accept the things we cannot change"- holding on to the tremendous guilt we feel about the WCS's (would've, could've, should'ves), does not help us in our recovery ...in fact, it tends to cloud our vision of our new WCS's...WILL, CAN and SHALL.! That's where our vision, our mindset needs to be if we are to arrest the beast this addiction within us.
I'm so proud of where you've come in these last five months-and so is your family. The pain of our old past will gradually dissipate, as we accept the fact that we cannot go back and change anything. What we can do is forgive ourselves for these thoughtless, numb acts and behaviors that was caused by us being in the strong grips of an insidious addiction.
The healing process...not gambling one day at a time....rejuvenates the ability to feel, both the pain and the wonder of no longer living in a Fog! This, in turn, provides us with courage.....to change the things we can....also one day at a time. That is exactly what you are accomplishing each and every day you don't place a bet.
We are with you every step of the way....we're all coming out from under the fog! We will do this together, Hand-in-Hand, with support and encouragement....with love!
You have all of mine......keep up the great effort, my friend. We are proud of you!
Love, Tagg