Hi Chris
Only you can say what is best for you! It is your recovery to work it however you see fit! As for me, in my recovery any form of gambling is not allowed. I cannot place one bet!! My goal is to remain abstinent from gambling!!! I know that it also was not about the money for me, it was the escape! What do you want to accomplish in your recovery?? Do you have a desire to recover or just manage your gambling money better?? I wish you the best in whatever goal you set out for!

Hmmm I don't know. People say never go back, and I can see why, I am afraid for me I would get right back where I left off. But I wish I could go for fun, but for me I do not think I can. I have over spent my life time allotment of casino time.

Hi Cristiana!
My opinion is (at least for me), that I can't even flip for a cup of coffee. In GA, we have to COMPLETELY stop. No lottery tickets, bets of any kind, etc. I know that if I step one foot inside the casino again, it would all be over for me. One bet is too many and a thousand is never enough. Each person is diffrent, so only you can say if you have a problem or not. Hope this helped.
Hugs
Lisa

Hello Cristiana,

Each of us take different paths based upon where we've been and where we'd like to "travel" to...the path for me is no gambling whatsoever, but that's just me. It is a personal choice that only you can decide.

I worked in the hospitality industry for 23 years, 12 of which were spent with a major casino corporation, which is where I acquired my love for gambling. I know sitting here today, a little over a year gamble free, that if I was to attempt to return to the "sport" using a "controlled" approach, it would only be a matter of time before I was able to rationalize the expenditure of moneys well beyond my means.

More importantly than the money, I would be returning to a life of guilt and isolation, as my addiction led me to compromise on values and beliefs that I once held sacred.......honesty and integrity. For you see, I had to hide my love of the sport, which caused me to lie about my whereabouts, which caused such turmoil about my self worth and integrity.

I realize that these are values I hold close to my heart-they are the core components in the composition of my identity. I've lived through that part of my life where I was willing to forego their importance for the sake of gambling. I've pushed through the hollow thoughts and emotions that came with "selling" my soul...and all I can say is that I will work diligently every single day so as not to make that "trip" ever again.

You may have come upon a method that works for you and for that you are to be saluted! So many of us, including myself, wish we would have never crossed that "invisible line"....when gambling turned into an obsession, rather than a leisurely form of entertainment. But likewise, so many of us never even knew we had crossed it....into the dark and murky waters...until unfortunately, it was too late.

I send you warm wishes of peace in finding your comfort zone that is right for you. Please take care and be well.

Love Tagg

Great replies tagg and Lisa- my sentiments exactly.
What I would add, perhaps, is that if you plan to continue with "controlled" gambling you should immediately stop the first time you go beyond your limit and reexamine your plan. I agree that it's almost always just a matter of time before you take that leap. I would probably count the first time you win a significant amount and keep going until that original $80 is gone- that's just as bad and likely fuel for the next time to be a bit over the top. There used to be a slogan that they've apparently stopped for some reason (maybe because they don't want you to....) "Bet with your head, not over it." Good words indeed.
Jay

It sounds like it's working for you if losing not too much money is your goal.

Controlled gambling kind of seems like trying to tame a wild beast though. You take it out of it's cage and play with it nicely, hoping it won't devour you this time. You've put in safety measures that help with that. But what's the point? Why play with the beast at all. Leave it in its cage. Learn to forget it's even there somehow. I don't think you'll ever control or tame it. It's always going to waiting for the opportunity to eat you alive.

Dear Christiana, I have tried to do this for a year and 1/2 and at times it worked but other times I went right off the deep end without my life jacket and almost drowned. It was unpredictable. I could get out of "control" in an instant. I put many more miles on my car driving home for more money. I lied to my husband and took short trips several times a week. I was lying, losing and lonely. Last Christmas was horrible for me. I was out of control. I wished I could be a "normal" gambler but it doesn't work. I couldn't do it. I did cut way back but...I wasn't happy with my life. I had to stop the insanity and try to find myself again. I wish you the best in what ever you do but my advice is.. no,.. it not better. Love and hugs to you! Cher

dear Cristina, i could not do what you do. i used to spend 400 dollars initially in one go, sometimes more, then i thought to myself i am only going to take 10 dollars, soon it became 20 and so on, before i know it i was at 70 dollars, a day. and it was not enough. i was not happy. i knew deep down that i didn't want to be there. i am so sad right now writing this, i almost feel sorry for people who do play slot machines. it's a dreadful way to live life, it's always on one's mind, it hurts when you say no more and you end up going back, it hurts when you run out of money to play, as i lost thousands of dollars of my savings, years of savings gone in no time. I lied about where i was. i felt shame, everytime i admited to what i had done. at first i thought there was money in it, but i tried so many times to beat the machines and never could. not once, why-because you will back, and you will lose more and more. and i learnt the hard way. i know i can live without gambling, even as a sport even as a free game, i can do without it, i can live without it, i am resilient and strong, i can overcome life and get through life without gambling, and i can be grateful for even simple things like the air i breathe, whereas before i could not be grateful for all the things i had, i wanted more, i wanted luxury, i wanted glamour, i wanted to feel rich, when all i had to do was step back and be grateful and cherish the things i have. i am very lucky Christina, and while gambling i could never realise that happiness. and i do not wish a gambling on my worst enemy. so in a sense i feel sorry for you, on what joys you are missing out on in life. get banned, go to therapy, read the book The worry trap, go swimming, write here and read here everyday if need be, support your fellow compulsive gamblers, give a gift to the homeless people, everybody alive is living in uncertainty and worry, we are not isolated, we are not immune to everything, everyone has somthing they don't want to lose. you are not alone. it's an emotional cause that makes us gamble, keep positive and be thankful for whatever happens in your life... that way you will never think a suicidal thought ever again. you will get over it, if i have anyone can. i was in a deep hole for years, after all the trauma i experienced from my family, and the trauma i caused on myself thereafter, but look at me now, i am carrying on, i am building up my faith and belief and positivity after living years and years with hate and negativity. hope you quit.

Hi Christiana,

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree. You asked if you were doing better or not? If you have to ask, the answer is probably no. In your own words "I've been pretty good about not gambling" but you are still gambling. Even controlled gambling is STILL gambling. I'm sorry, I'm just being honest. You obviously feel a need to continuing gambling...maybe the better question is why gamble at all? I know that everyone is different, and I respect our differences. Maybe you are one of those persons that are the exception to the rule, I dunno. Il2Live said, why play with the beast? You cannot tame a wild animal. The majority of people (and, again, maybe you are an exception to the rule) get to a point where they drive home and get more access to cash to continuing playing. I, personally, think it is easier to abstain from gambling completely versus trying to "control" an addiction. They are really opposite words--control and addiction. Just my two cents--best of luck to you...err..I wish you only the best.

Cathy
2 days shy of 4 months GF! (one day at a time!)

Hi Christiana,

Several years ago I went roller skating with my 2 daughters. I hadn't been on skates since I was a teenager, but I'd loved it and had been a pretty good skater back then.
I went around the rink twice, felt pretty confident, picked up speed, lost control, fell back,both feet went up, and my first (and disastrous) impulse was to put my hand back to break my fall. Well, what I broke was my wrist and arm.Crushed it, in fact.! The pain was overwhelming, I needed surgery, and months and months of physical therapy just to get back to normal.
I could have tried to skate again, held onto the rail, gone slowly, but it simply wasn't worth the risk. So, from then on I took the kids to the rink and sat on the sidelines and watched. Did I look longingly at the other moms who were out there having fun with their kids? Yep. Did I mess the feeling of gliding along the rink? Sure did. But I knew deep down that I was no longer someone who could skate without fear, I'd done damage to myself and my family ,effectively being out of commission for three months with 2 young children and a baby. So even if I had taken it slow, eventually I would have let go of the rail, and started to feel confident in my abilities again. All it would have taken would have been one fall, and the agony would have started all over again.
After having over a year GF (with one small exception), I feel the same way about gambling. It's simply not worth the risk. I still remember the "Oh Sh*t! I'm going down!" feeling when I started to fall at the rink. At times,I felt the same way at the casino. Like it was a force I couldn't stop, Once the free-fall started there was nothing I could do. The pain I caused my family, the damage I had done to myself and our finances because of my compulsive degenerate gambling was akin to breaking my wrist every week.
What you are doing is holding onto the rail right now. And the fact that you posted here means you are really wondering if it's worth the risk. Only you know your circumstances, what pain you have experienced in the past when you have fallen, and if you are willing to take that risk again. You've gotten a lot of good advice, because you've reached out and asked for it :)

Keep posting!