Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
With my addiction at bay I find that I am now free to focus on those other issues that caused me to gamble so compulsively. This is the uncomfortable part for me. I am now looking at some of the deeper questions like what is my purpose in life, what am I doing to fulfill it, what type of a person am I, what kind of a Mother, friend, partner am I and what can I do to improve that. All questions that require work! Where are you in your journey?
I've gone many years of absitinence from gambling in the past, 2 years, 5 years and 8 years. But, I've recongized when I stopped, everything surround me changed, I was still me without gambling.
It was until then, when I actually faced the truth about myself, I began to understand and was able to start my journey.
It was one of the hardest thing I've ever accountered, It required total honesty of myself, It required forgiving myself, It required digging into the areas that I was uncomfortable with and it required courage. It's like peeling a onion knowing my eyes will tear from it's odor.
My past have shown me that it did not matter how long I go without gambling, my struggle to enjoy life and dealing with it's issues were still there. And while absitinating from gambling, subconsciously or consciously, I always had that space in my heart for gambling as a safety net. I knew that, if it really gets tough, if I have to, If I get really bored, if I have more money, etc. I can always rely on my only friend, gambling.
I used to wanting so badly to go back to "happy me" before the gambling while being obsitinate from gambling. I wanted to recapture that happiness once again and tried very hard to work on that. I lived everyday wishing my past is present.
It wasn't until I found the answers and dealt with my character flaws, I was able to focus and live today the way I wanted to be.
It has been at least 2 years since my last bet, but I don't count my gamble free days, because it is a long ways to go based on my last relaps after 8 years of obsitinence. I now know that it does not matter how long I go without gambling if, I don't know the joy of life, and ability to cope and deal with what life throws at me.
When I was just absitnating from gambling, I used to hope for myself alot. "I hope I don't gamble", "I hope I get my promotion", " I hope I can be strong", " I hope I can be happy", "I hope I can achieve my goals", etc. Now when I catch myself of hope, I just say " just do". I try to reserve that "hope" to others, to convey my sincere wish for their well being. Today, my only hope is my higher power, My God.
I live today, focusing on my moments, do as best as I can with sincerity, kindness and perservernce that will dictate my next step of this journey.
Today, I pray,
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for accepting me just as I am. I may not be perfect but you know at least I am trying my best and I'm going out today with my head held high. Knowing that you are in the process of changing me.
Thank you for the great post! it helps me walk the walk.
Love,
Victoria
I found having a sponsor who I can trust to confide anything in helped me tremendously.
A lot of what needs changing I cannot change myself, I need help from ones I trust and a HP
John
I have made a moral inventory but with each new "reading" I find that I want to go back and dig deeper.
With so much secretiveness as I was gambling I am wanting to make certain that I am being completely honest with myself.
have a great gamble free day and journey.