Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I am seeing a trend, in the postings. I am right there, I have some time GF, and each day is getting a bit better. But, I too have had urges lately, I haven't acted on them, and I immediately shake my head, kind of like a puppy after a bath, I shake my head.... I instantly remind myself of the last time I went to the casino, how I felt for days after I got back, actually, it happened countless times during my gambling, too many to count. I remember the wreckage, the emotional toll it took on my family, friends, and me. The financial toll I'm still paying for, but its getting better. All that money, for all those years is GONE. It was thousands and thousands of dollars. The waking up after being gone for days, with tears streaming down my face, my body, physically shot, physically ill. Crawling out of bed, with swollen eyes, dry heaving from feeling sick to my stomach because I had been drinking red bulls for days, no food, no sleep, and wrecking my body. Having to face my family, having to even face my dogs, that I had neglected for days. Having to shower, and cry in the shower from pure disgust. Finally, opening my bank account to see the pages of withdrawals, and the devastation I had done to my finances, having to rob Paul to pay Peter, to make it through my financial heartache. Then, after sometime, I would heal, and go right back out again, over and over again, that happened. Until I think it finally stuck.
I would think when I would go back, that I would win a big pot, and take it home. There were times I did, but 99% of the time, I didn't, either way, it wouldn't matter. It was not about the money, it was feeding my addiction. My self sabotaging, my less than loving self, felt I needed to feed my addiction. To run, to be around others that would sit at a poker table, and be entertained???? what the hell?
Do I have urges....? YES, I would be telling a lie if I said I didn't. I do. But, I want a better life, I don't want to live like that anymore, I don't want to hurt my family, friends, dogs, etc. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. In order to do that, I have to be honest, I have to be true, I have to remember! I remember. So, urges, I know I will get them. That is part of the addiction. It is, but, in order for me to stay GF, I have to work a program, I have to reach out, I have to get on my knees, I have to take are of myself, recognize the addiction for what it is, FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
Do the day my sweet warriors, and when you have the urge, remember where you come from.
Hugs.
I would think when I would go back, that I would win a big pot, and take it home. There were times I did, but 99% of the time, I didn't, either way, it wouldn't matter. It was not about the money, it was feeding my addiction. My self sabotaging, my less than loving self, felt I needed to feed my addiction. To run, to be around others that would sit at a poker table, and be entertained???? what the hell?
Do I have urges....? YES, I would be telling a lie if I said I didn't. I do. But, I want a better life, I don't want to live like that anymore, I don't want to hurt my family, friends, dogs, etc. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. In order to do that, I have to be honest, I have to be true, I have to remember! I remember. So, urges, I know I will get them. That is part of the addiction. It is, but, in order for me to stay GF, I have to work a program, I have to reach out, I have to get on my knees, I have to take are of myself, recognize the addiction for what it is, FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
Do the day my sweet warriors, and when you have the urge, remember where you come from.
Hugs.
I am so grateful that I have not gone back for 14 months. So many people have it so much worse,not being able to stop. At least now I have the choice everyday as opposed to when I was in action. Then it was gamble, get beat up, swear it off and by the next morning ready for action that night. So sick.
1) If I intervene in my thoughts about gambling and redirect myself I can keep them from becoming urges.
2) When I get an urge to gamble it is a red flag for me to know that something else is amiss. Time to see if I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired, wanting to celebrate, depressed or feeling financial secure or threatened or financially flush or do I have time, money and no plan? It helps me figure out some other pathway than gambling if I pay attention.
3) If I have an urge and make the effort to do something else it will pass in 15-20 minutes usually.
I think self - sabotage had a lot to do with my active gambling. I noticed long before I quit that my control over gambling was relative to my self esteem at any given moment. (The better I felt about myself the easier it was to walk away.)
I still have dreams(nightmares) of gambling and occasional flashbacks where I feel as if I am still there at the slot/poker machines, immersed and in "action". I understand from my counselor that this is part of Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). I was actively addicted to gambling for most of 3-4 decades, it may take me a few years to recover as fully as I can. The triggers are the tough things in life (moving, funerals, changes) for me, but as I get through tough things without gambling, I get stronger and I begin to believe I can have a gamble free, peaceful, meaningful life.
You are not alone - Hugs and Prayers
Hugs to you!