Thanks to everyone for your wonderful words and well wishes in response to my new job. It all seemed so perfect. However, I waited to write the post until I had started because so many things have gone wrong for me in the past it was like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. When I did post I had actually been seriously struggling with the training and wondering if it was me, them, too long unemployed...I didn't know. All I knew was that I had been taking anxiety meds to sleep, was stressed everyday to the max and had attributed some of that to quitting gambling.

Today, with a heavy heart, I had to walk away from the job. The training was horrible and into my 4th week I wasn't grasping the duties. I came to believe I was under qualified for the position and the fear of screwing up, which in accounting can be fixed but can also amount to snowballing effects, paralyzed me and hindered the learning process. Not to mention that I realized it was too much job and responsibility for the other responsibilities I have in my personal life. I saw the handwriting on the wall.

This was such a hard decision, kept me up most of last night, and my boss wasn't very understanding in the end. A new co-worker, whom I'd given a ride home the night before all but told me to take a hike when I said I'd like to keep in touch. Her response was "as long as it's not about work we can remain friends." This might be the coldest response I've ever received from someone.

All of this today felt like a huge trigger. Panic and fear about money rushing in and worry about a new job hunt. But I came home, have wandered around the house all day and realized something good may have come from this. I did stop gambling for 30 days and I will not go back! I'm not fearful of gambling, only of boredom and depression. So I will get off the anxiety med, get to hot yoga, and pray. Any extra prayers would be appreciated! Thank you for being here!