I’m at 9 months now without placing a bet, and so grateful to be. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t look back and remember how it use to be when I was gambling, I call those thoughts my reminders. And I’m beginning to reflect on my days in recovery, the steps I’ve taken to get to where I am now, I call those lovely memories. Step #1- one day at a time I began abstaining from gambling with a conviction in my heart I’ve never felt in my past attempts at abstinence. I refused to believe my old lies that I was helpless and didn’t matter. I knew I had to make changes in my life that required lots of soul searching and honesty. I’m an addict with all the typical addict behavior, know-it-all-ish, controlling and overly sensitive. I don’t have all the answers and I’ve learned along the way that love isn’t controlling. I’ve also learned there’s a difference between being a sensitive human being and an overly sensitive, self-centered one. I’m grateful for my sense of humor, and learning it doesn’t always have to be self-effacing. I’m enjoying today and looking forward to tomorrow.
People, recovery is a beautiful way of leaving
This time of year can be "slippery" for me. I'm starting to feel vulnerable because of the strong feelings and memories, both joyful and sad, that always come up around the holidays, not to mention the extra stress from the out-of-control consumerism, unrealistic expectations, crowds, traffic, etc all around me as the season ramps up. I'm posting to remind myself to breathe and remember that...
I am feeling sorry for myself tonight. Yes, i went on a bender at the casino and lost our last $200. I am 43 and have no money. I have two kids, who have tons of stuff, nice clothes, don't need for anything. I just hate that it's another Christmas that i don't think I'll bother with a tree as i can't afford it and there is nothing to put under it. My husband has had a trucker license the last...