Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Another day in recovery, and another day that I am starting to feel as though I'm coming out of the haze I had been in. The love that I have felt and I've been given by so many of my sisters and brothers in this fellowship has actually carried me through these last few days.
Emotionally, the fog is lifting, which means I have to actually feel and face the financial damage. And I will.
As for the comments from family members, it turns out, they really think I'm a meth addict, or "tweeker" not sure what either of those are, but they think it because they don't understand how anyone can stay awake for two days playing poker without sleep, so they think I must be a drug addict too. The odd thing is, I had told them, this addiction takes me to a different place, I zone out, and my body and mind are no longer "my body or mind." No, I don't do drugs, but this addiction does things to me that I can't explain to anyone, unless they too have the same addiction.
I left, I didn't look back, I didn't sleep for two days, I didn't eat, for two days, I was reckless, and I didn't care. Until I was finally able to stop, I was not Terri, I was Terri, the CG.
Nonetheless, they can think what they need to, they can say what they need too, for me, right now, its about my recovery, and getting back up, and learning, or at least trying to learn, why I relapsed, and what I need to do this time to stay in recovery.
I do think that obviously, playing cards with anyone, even if its not for money, not a good idea, not for me. Also, I was running, running, running, work, work, work, and less about really taking care of myself, so now, I am going to try and slow down, and take better care of myself, not just run, run, run.
Those are the couple of changes I am making, for now.
I adore all of you, so much, I read messages sent to me, and they brought tears to my eyes. The saying of "let us love you, until you can love yourself" could never be more true. Thanks for loving me.
Terri
Emotionally, the fog is lifting, which means I have to actually feel and face the financial damage. And I will.
As for the comments from family members, it turns out, they really think I'm a meth addict, or "tweeker" not sure what either of those are, but they think it because they don't understand how anyone can stay awake for two days playing poker without sleep, so they think I must be a drug addict too. The odd thing is, I had told them, this addiction takes me to a different place, I zone out, and my body and mind are no longer "my body or mind." No, I don't do drugs, but this addiction does things to me that I can't explain to anyone, unless they too have the same addiction.
I left, I didn't look back, I didn't sleep for two days, I didn't eat, for two days, I was reckless, and I didn't care. Until I was finally able to stop, I was not Terri, I was Terri, the CG.
Nonetheless, they can think what they need to, they can say what they need too, for me, right now, its about my recovery, and getting back up, and learning, or at least trying to learn, why I relapsed, and what I need to do this time to stay in recovery.
I do think that obviously, playing cards with anyone, even if its not for money, not a good idea, not for me. Also, I was running, running, running, work, work, work, and less about really taking care of myself, so now, I am going to try and slow down, and take better care of myself, not just run, run, run.
Those are the couple of changes I am making, for now.
I adore all of you, so much, I read messages sent to me, and they brought tears to my eyes. The saying of "let us love you, until you can love yourself" could never be more true. Thanks for loving me.
Terri
I don't know if teri is feeling up to answer your question so I am going to try what it was like when I was gambling.
We probably say it trance like for the lack of better words, it is more like if we were schizophrenic.
When I did like she did, go home and change, I thought #1. I needed to refresh myself so I can be awake longer, #2, I thought that may change my luck and turn my cards to winning streaks. When I lived in vegas, I did go home after couple days to change and when I moved to a different state, I made a point of going to the casinos with a hotel just in case I needed to refresh.
We are a master minded in leaving that "just in case" options when it comes to gambling. It's like thinking ahead in denial that we already know we will be there more then a few hours like we planned. It's a self deciving process that we somehow minuaplate our mind to justify being insane.
I cannot speak for Teri but for me, it was an obsession. I was obssesed with the fact that I have had many big winnings by sticking out. I believed if I can just stick it out long enough, the cards will turn and it has for countless times. It's just playing that odds, just like slots you will win at some point if you play long enough.
Can I get all the losses when cards finally turns? Yeah, sometimes yes, and more times no, but you do win. You just don't win enough to compensate what you've already lost though.
Yes, I used to plot and scheme how I can get more money or do my math to see what I still have available, by adding up the bills I paid that hasn't cleared the bank yet, while I am home refreshing myself. Calling the 800 numbers for the credit companies to see what cards has the balances I can withdraw from or call work to make sure my absence is covered etc. My refreshing time was also a taking care of some business matters when my weekend gambling extends through monday. I can't even count how many times in my youth that ive gone to work after staying up 3-4 nights straight.
I guess there are degrees of addiction, if there is a scale of 1-10, I was definitely on a scale 10.
I am not at all proud of saying all this but thought you may find it interesting how bad this can go.......it surely is a mind boggling behavior that surely kills the soul. You loose every logic and every common sense in you, and willing to pay the price at any cost, to play just one more hand of cards......it is never enough....
Leap, no more running, stop and take your break. Don't allow your work or anything gets in the way ov your wellbeing. It's not worth it and you are worth it!
Love,
Victoria
I've never been up for days but I know times I have had a cold or even felt "sick to my stomach" when I was gambling my body sort of ebbed away and all I felt was the zone - the adrenaline and high of playing so I do "get" the feeling of being on auto pilot. It was a great way to numb anxiety and heart ache.