Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Today I begin this journey again but for the last and final time. I want off this roller coaster so desperately and I know that I am the only one that can raise that safety bar of numbness and step off the ride.
I am so scared of feeling all the emotions that I've been avoiding by sitting in front of a machine, but I am finally ready to accept them, face them, and meet them head on.
The longest I've gone without gambling in the past 3 years is 21 days but today I begin day one of the never ending journey to a better me. I'm tired of the high's and low's. I'm tired of the lies I tell myself "you deserve this" and "you do everything for everyone else it isn't wrong to go unwind and numb out for a bit." What was once an enjoyable once a year outing grew into weekly trips that have now gotten completely out of control.
I selt talk all the way to the casino each and every time. I convince myself that even if I don't leave with my winnings, because that so rarely happens ,but instead leave with even a portion of what I walked in with it will be a moral victory and a win nonetheless. Walk in with 100 get it up to a grand and leaving with $50 is somehow a victory?? Oh the insanity we convince ourselves of to justify the addiction.
Well yesterday my husband and I began with a limit of $300 for trip and by days end we had chased out way through $1,400. Never got up, never hit a win over $100 and yet we chased and chased. "Only takes one good hit" we told each other, ughhhhh, so very very tired of all of it.
So anyway, I'm back on here because like I said earlier the last time I stopped for 3 weeks it was because of the support I found here so I'm hoping I am still welcome and will once again find the encouragement and strength that I so desperately am in need of.
Thanks for reading and I look forward to getting to know you all so much better.
I am so scared of feeling all the emotions that I've been avoiding by sitting in front of a machine, but I am finally ready to accept them, face them, and meet them head on.
The longest I've gone without gambling in the past 3 years is 21 days but today I begin day one of the never ending journey to a better me. I'm tired of the high's and low's. I'm tired of the lies I tell myself "you deserve this" and "you do everything for everyone else it isn't wrong to go unwind and numb out for a bit." What was once an enjoyable once a year outing grew into weekly trips that have now gotten completely out of control.
I selt talk all the way to the casino each and every time. I convince myself that even if I don't leave with my winnings, because that so rarely happens ,but instead leave with even a portion of what I walked in with it will be a moral victory and a win nonetheless. Walk in with 100 get it up to a grand and leaving with $50 is somehow a victory?? Oh the insanity we convince ourselves of to justify the addiction.
Well yesterday my husband and I began with a limit of $300 for trip and by days end we had chased out way through $1,400. Never got up, never hit a win over $100 and yet we chased and chased. "Only takes one good hit" we told each other, ughhhhh, so very very tired of all of it.
So anyway, I'm back on here because like I said earlier the last time I stopped for 3 weeks it was because of the support I found here so I'm hoping I am still welcome and will once again find the encouragement and strength that I so desperately am in need of.
Thanks for reading and I look forward to getting to know you all so much better.
I always find some strength and encouragement when I come here. and the negative? I just ignore, and try to focus on what really matters: stopping gambling.
keep in touch, and we look forward to hearing from you again.
I most recently survived taking care of my mother on hospice until her last breathe in my downstairs bedroom and two months before that my husband came forward that he was having a 6 month affair with one of my friends while I was tending to my mom.
Believe me I know this addiction is strong and these next few months will be hard but like I said, been thru worse. I don't need a hero/anchor I am my own, just need to remind myself of that every minute.
Thanks 56 and it is because of people like you i find inspiration in these posts daily.
Glad to be here
that i need the grace of a higher power... and to remember to see the little good things around me...
"God can do for me what i cannot do for myself"... i will do my best.. and i will ask for grace to do my best.. but i accept that results are not within my control.
As far as my husband we shall see. He is very supportive in some ways but also an enabler in others. The more I stay away from numbing myself out and actually dealing with all this crap the more I struggle with the infidelity and heartache he has caused, so of course he has been known to dangle a trip to the casino in order to make me smile, but he wants my addiction to this to stop just as badly as I do. I guess only time will tell.
For now though I'm working on making it through today. Having family over for the bears game, need to finish two afghans I've been crocheting as well as do some grocery shopping so keeping busy helps and that is what I plan to do.
Thanks everyone and happy gamble free day to you all
I, too, was raised catholic and a 12 year veteran of catholic education, btw... At this stage of my life I'm not a big fan of organized religion and was reluctant of GA as you noted for that reason. What I can tell you is that GA has been an integral part of my recovery and it is not at all "churchy." I tend to think of my "higher power" in universal terms and, more to point, karma like. Just keeping doing good things and good things come back to you. Take as much help as you can and whatever is out there.
Jay