My day started out with our little Yorkie getting in a fight with our bigger dog that is a Blue heeler/collie mix. Our female is in heat, and our little Yorkie thinks he is much bigger than he is, and actually started the fight. Unfortunately he got hurt and his eye ended up being popped out of the socket. We took him to the vet and he was able to get the eye back in, and sewed his eye shut. We won't know for another 10 days if his eye will be ok or not. He is our youngest daughter's dog that we got after she was diagnosed with cancer. We had to do what we could to help him, poor little guy.

Unfortunately, we have very little money for Christmas gifts for our kids this year and we were planning to go shopping this afternoon for a few things. That did not happen and now i don't know if it will with the huge vet bill we got today. My first paycheck from my new job was supposed to go towards Christmas gifts. Instead, it will go to a vet bill. I am grateful on one hand that we had the money, but am saddened that what we had planned it for now will not happen. If I had not gotten us so far in debt with my gambling, we would not be in such a bad spot right now.

Between the worry for our dog, the guilt, I have for putting us in this position, and just feeling frustrated that the money we intended for gifts is now being used elsewhere, I have had some very bad urges to gamble. I took a nap, and of course I had dreams of being at the casino playing at the bank of machines I was hooked on before I quit. So far I have talked myself out of going, but the urges just keep coming. I look forward to the day when my response in dealing with money problems and guilt, is not to have an urge to gamble! Living one moment at a time right now, but it is a struggle. If my husband weren't here right now, I am not sure where I would be right now. Thank God he is!

I pray everyone is doing better than myself right now. Not feeling the holiday spirit right now unfortunately. Just really really sad.