You will definitely get better. It's not easy and takes time. Look where the action, smell, lights, sound and escape got you.

When was the last time you gambled?

For me the 1st week is the hardest. After that it gets easier bc I see all the positives in life when not occupying the time gambling or thinking about it as much.

Do positive things with your time, whether something active like exercise or even relaxing like reading or spending time with family and friends. Anything positive in the mood for.

You are right tomorrow is a new day and it's going to be even better and gamble free.

Thank you. It's been three weeks. The urge comes and goes. Counseling has helped. I see her again on Thursday and I'm looking forward to it.

I understand feeling overwhelmed. It is my trigger, so when those numbers pop in my head I have to talk to myself and stop the feeling of despair taking hold of my mind. I did call my husband on the way to work this week and pour out my heart that I feel defeated with this money dept. He just listened.
I want some sort of quick fix. Ummmm, that is what got me deeper. What about you?
I too miss the escape. I have to structure my day so that there is no time to give in to the addiction. One day I didn't put makeup on. That is a sure way to keep me home.
It does feel good to trust me and I so want to trust me again.
It is overwhelming and you are just being honest. To be honest with ourselves means facing the "monster" and it is not just one monster there are many.
Keep working on staying away from the monster that takes it all.

Marie I think we have much in common. Thank you. Keep fighting.

I use to feel the same way, anytime I started to look how far in debt we were, it just triggered me...making me want to escape, and then I would go play, just making things worse. What has made the difference, is while there is the "overall" debt, in the 130 days I have not played....there are positive changes to that number and THAT is what I now look at. Each month, I tally it all up again(with a sickening feeling), and see how the number of debt has dropped from the month before...then I feel like I'm making some positive changed that I CAN make. Looking at the overall debt was a incredibly hard, but valuable lesson to me...it was brick wall saying "you did this, you created this". You at some point have to look at it, but rather than focus on what you CAN'T change, focus on what you can. One day at a time staying GF, one day at a time improving our financial situation. The first time I balanced the checkbook and didn't have ATM fee after ATM fee staring back at me was another accomplishment as well. I wish you strength in your battle, and a great gambling free day, each day.

"Escape". That is what I called my trips to the casino, And "running away from home" when I needed to "just get outta here".

I keep talking about something else to do and recall telling an acquaintance: "If I eliminate the casino option, perhaps something else will come along"

Right now I am feeling like I quit a job I do not like .before looking for a new job.

Thanks focusnow. I think the small things like stopping the madness and spending will add up a little at a time... I can only keep going one day at a time.

I'm trying to seriously believe this is an illness/disease

so if we had cancer and our medical bills were 100K

we would be happy to be cancer free and on the road to recovery and look at the trees/leaves and what you have left that counts and pay that bill a little at a time and keep it secondary - not first - YOU'RE FIRST

seriously, its only money, you are getting out of a shitty place - be happy and grateful and live go out there and live :)

Just this morning I said to myself, "You are not making this hole bigger." ..... "You are not deceiving yourself and any one else" And that is a good thing.

@itsjustme--- good point. Focus and what good is taking place. It hurts at times, but it is a lesson that will make me better.

At the end of today will be 26 days. Day is all planned out and it does not include being stupid with $.

Itsjustme you are so right. I was not thinking about it that way... Thanks for the new perspective.