L, I am with you! Congratulations on 5 months. That is way cool and awesome. I just read your other post, too, about what you are willing to do to not gamble. It is so wonderful at the great strides you have taken, since you got to DS. I love to see the growth. I think your writing seems like it is an integral part of your recovery. You also write beautifully. The freedom from not living in the shadows is a gift, don't you think? It does still surprise me sometimes when that voice jumps out at you, when you least expect it. Like you, I am trying to be vigilante about triggers and try not to let myself go down that road. Thanks for the great post, and keep up the great work. Love ya, ~E

I am with you on starting to create a better life. I just started my journey.
It is good to know that you have not gamble in 5 months. Keep up the good fight. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!

Loving it!!! It is great to here someone speak about their journey and where they are today. You have made great strides and should be so proud of yourself. Keep up the good work.

Ll2live, I am totaly with you!
Congratulations on 5 months, its really great achievement!
You are taking your Recovery very seriously and turning it into your new way of life. You went through enough damages, destruction and felt so disconnected and almost dead inside, that you came to point 0, where you started to be reborn again. I am very happy to see you growing and glowing with self-discovery, maybe not seen to others, but so important accomplishments, feeling alive again...

I am working towards my 3rd month and I have to tell - I am struggling. Not so much with urges, they do bother me, but I am dealing with them, exactly like you do - I look at a problem inside what is creating it. And there is a lot of problems in my real life, all from mainly financial damages, especially what I done in last 5 months before I stopped. Life can not be only one black stripe... So I am patiently waiting when I get into white one and to hope it will be wide, very wide white, light stripe.

I had periods of abstinence of 7 months in 2007 and 4 months in 2008.
2007 wasn't that bad (I just went through some financial difficulties, moved to rental place and had to go through BK ch7), but after I stopped in 2008, I went through array of unfortunate events.
It was like God was trying me or something...

I stopped in December, 2008.. right same time problems with my cell phone provider, then TV problems started, dish decided to brake. TV guy came to fix it and damaged internet cable. Internet provider charged me $85 each time for calling a repair guy and same goes 3 rounds. I tried to see what is going on with cables, got to the attic and fell through the roof, had black and blue body all over my right side.
Then my husband got really bad toothache, turned out he needed 7 teeth extractions and dentures. Had to get a $4,000 loan to cover my co-pay for the whole thing.
Then my husband and my daughter got into car accident... and I was at work when it happened. They had to go through treatments...
Then we decided to buy a house, because we been renting at that time and landlord gave us tons of problems (that roof I fell through I had to fix on my own expence). We start saving and struggling with downpayment and credit problems.
Then my husband got a heart attack, one of his coronary arteries just blew, while he was exercising in the gym. He almost died, but saved because coronary unit was only 10 minutes away.
He had to have emergency coronary cath and then within 2 days open heart surgery. I was with him every day and night and got sick myself. I had heart problems while sitting in his ICU room.
Nurses had to take me to ED and cardiovert me there. I had to take care of him and 3 weeks later I had procedure on my heart as well.
Used all my sick and vacation hours, had to drop second job (otherwise they said I'll be fired for calling in sick so many times).

Month after he got discharged... we been on our way to his first follow up appointment, our tire blew up on a highway, It was 100 F in AZ, he didn't feel good. No one would stop to help... long 45 min like that.. Called doctors office, turned out receptionist made a mistake in doctors last name and sent us to the wrong doctor 1 hour away oposite side of town. After discovering we drove (and got in these problems on highway) all this time for a wrong doctor, we just decided to screw everything and drove to casino, instead of doctors office, since casino was only 5 min away from where tire blew up.
All of the described above happened within 4 months... Exactly Those 4 months I decided to quit gambling.
So, since then looong 4 years of destruction started again, which ended only 65 days ago.

Sorry, for taking so much space and in details describing my last Recovery trial, I just hope shit would not rain on me so much this time and praying for strength.

You have a blessed Recovery, with smooth transition period into like you said it yourself - having an "authentic life for yourself"!
I really appreciate your contribution to this support and to your writing talent! Your sharings helped me a lot of times.
Love, Vicky

Thank you all for the support :)

Vicky.... you gotta take this one day at a time. It just goes in phases I think. I was really depressed a couple of months ago. I just felt that life was too hard and that gambling was the only fun I had. I cried all the time and generally had the attitude "is this all there is"? But no feeling is final... things are always changing and maybe next week, you will have a turn around and start feeling strong and excited about recovery again. Just walk through it all and stay away from the casino while you are at it. xoxo

II2live, you are doing great. I think you are better by a long shot. What you have been through shows yourself and to all of us just what can happen when one decides to get into some kind of recovery. We are all so proud of you and offer you hugs and warmth. Your friend, Jon

Congratulations 2live,that is just wonderful!!

Many congrats...5 months is awesome.

If you're like me I'm starting to look at things in life a bit differently than when I was active in my gambling.

Triggers and stressors are still there living w/ an alcoholic husband and raising a 9 year old granddaughter but now I'm feeling the pain, then trying to work through it best I can.

Sometimes that means screaming, sometimes crying, all the time praying...

I've even asked Jesus recently if HE ever had to live w/ an alcoholic ? :) No lightning bolts yet!!!

Day by day, dealing with instead of running from...that's the real difference.

Love you -
Paula

I am with you all the way LL2, what a great inspiration that there is life from all of the chaos we created for ourselves and looking forward to a new beginning, far far away from this sickness, from the contagious disease....

Hello V,

Thank you for sharing, you are such a strong woman! VERY STRONG actually to have experienced and handled what you've been through. Let us pray for the much needed guidance and it will be done, we just have to believe.... Fight if we must...

You have a lot of stories to tell, struggles, triumphs, defeats, an ongoing journey, what if consolidate everything and make a book about this sickness ... that will inspire people like us, By Author Vicky D' Cat,... Which could bring potential income for you.. Lets work on it V! We have a lot of contributors!!!!!

What a great community we have!! Great job ll2live!! I am very proud of you and please keep posing these victories because momentum from one person WILL carry on to another person!!!

V--I am sorry to hear all the bad things that has happened to you, but you are a stronger person now. You made it through a VERY rough patch, THINGS WILL GET BETTER I PROMISE YOU!! :) Keep your head up and be proud for you have accomplished!!

Way to go 2live....you have made remarkable progress over
these last five months, and it is wonderful to see such positive growth illuminate this board. You are a shining example of what can be done if we make up our minds that this rat fink disease needs to be reckoned with,set out a plan to start tying this bastard, then putting every last ounce of courage into WORKING the plan!!!

You ARE doing just THAT, my friend!!!! And you have every right to be proud of all your efforts-goodness knows, we are so proud of you too!

Think about all the time and money we invested while active in our addiction, not only while at the casino, but trying to sort through the shambled wreckage left behind in it's wake! It's mind boggling!

If we invest the same exact amount of time working diligently to get our addiction arrested, have no doubt that the aftermath of living a "sober" life will have a solid foundation upon which to build a better past.

Step, by step, brick by brick, day by day-I'm with you, all the way.

Love and congratulations again, Tagg