This has been a great four weeks. I’ve accomplished so much that it makes me wonder how anything got done ‘before’. I feel safer than I have in a long time. I have a plan in place to work on debt but I won’t overstress about that. It will happen in time. I’m no longer living in fear – I think that’s the best part. I was always afraid of what I had become and where I might be headed. I was sure that wherever that was, it wasn’t good. When I start feeling bored and think about going back out there I make myself remember what it’s really like, not what my ‘fantasy self’ wants it to be like.
I am grateful for having this special place to go. I have learned so much here from every single post and I have been here for years so I have read a lot of them. This is my second go-around in recovery but this time feels different. I feel defeated by my addiction, if that makes sense. I have that sense of ‘I give up’, ‘I can’t take this anymore’. I suppose I feel ready, but I know enough to take it just one day at a time.
Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around. ~Buddy Buie and J.R. CobbThis is today's Daily Strength affirmation, I found it quite inspiring and thought provoking.
Why do I find myself focusing on sad situations I have no control over? Probably not even my business, really, a sad diversion, I suppose. I feel like I’m trying to sabotage my day. No, I won’t be gambling today, so why am I hell bent on being unhappy. Is it the holidays, am I just use to being upset around the holidays?WOW, just WOW... you know what? Just writing those feelings down...