This has been a great four weeks. I’ve accomplished so much that it makes me wonder how anything got done ‘before’. I feel safer than I have in a long time. I have a plan in place to work on debt but I won’t overstress about that. It will happen in time. I’m no longer living in fear – I think that’s the best part. I was always afraid of what I had become and where I might be headed. I was sure that wherever that was, it wasn’t good. When I start feeling bored and think about going back out there I make myself remember what it’s really like, not what my ‘fantasy self’ wants it to be like.

I am grateful for having this special place to go. I have learned so much here from every single post and I have been here for years so I have read a lot of them. This is my second go-around in recovery but this time feels different. I feel defeated by my addiction, if that makes sense. I have that sense of ‘I give up’, ‘I can’t take this anymore’. I suppose I feel ready, but I know enough to take it just one day at a time.