You're out of balance. And treading water, instead of swimming forward. I've been there, and wanted to just throw it all out the window (except the kids!) and start over in a little cottage by the sea. . Like a hoarders house, just set it on fire and let the good burn away with the bad. But new beginnings can't happen without the good, and without dealing with the mess we've left behind.

Just wanted to have a manageable life, because everything was spiraling and suffocating me. And the only way to stop the destruction and be able to breathe again is to make the repair process manageable. Treading water is keeping you from drowning, but it sounds like you are too tired to keep it up.
You have a lot going for you. Too much going on though. Don't have any words of wisdom regarding beating the addiction, I'm new to this recovery, but I do have experience in guiding people through the steps of attaining balance in their lives.

Number 1- Drop the math class. Now. Take math when it is the ONLY class you have. Then you will have more time to devote to it exclusively. It doesn't matter if you have to pay for it anyway, get out of it now. It's added stress and pressure you don't need right now.

Number 2- Don't allow yourself to obsess over the rejection.This may sound harsh, but right now you are a damaged person who has limited ability to "give" in that kind of relationship anyway. You are weak, and scared, and in the throes of addiction, and that is no way to enter into a relationship that has a snowballs chance in hell of succeeding. Maybe this guy is the right one, maybe not. But you need to be healthy enough to be able to determine that. That relationship is not going to save you from yourself. You will just be adding another person into the muck.
Number 3- Make lists, lots and lots of lists. Things to do today lists, tomorrow lists, this week, this month. Prioritize and triage the things you need to do. Put getting a new job somewhere on one of those lists. These are dynamic priorities, so put everything on Word or with a pencil so they can be moved around or added to as needed. The emotional release and psychological benefits to having things on paper is well documented. Be realistic, and be flexible on everything except the work you need to do for your recovery from compulsive gambling addiction. When we start to lose control of our lives, everything seems overwhelming and we lose all sense of real structure. Re-structure your daily activities and learn to say no a lot more.
Number 4-Make sure you create times to breath and relax. Journal daily, with your successes and concerns.
Piece by piece, little by little, you can regain control over your life. Eliminate the unnecessary stresses and the necessary ones will become more manageable.
Number 5-Take inventory of your friends. Which ones are loveable but toxic? Which ones reinforce your addiction because they don't have a problem and really can't understand yours? Who is healthy, and managing their lives even though they have kids and jobs and school on their plate? Keep away from the first two groups, and immerse yourself in the last one.
You are exhausted, and depression grows when we are too tired to fight it. So don't take on the whole thing at once.
Number 6-Take inventory of your life as a whole. Rate each one of these categories from 1-10, with 1 being very dissatisfied and 10 being very satisfied: Overall physical health, family relationships, friendships, financial security, surroundings,appearance, future prospects, employment, enjoyment of recreation, spirituality. Our lives are made up of all those things, and many more.

Having the perspective to see that we need balance in all those areas is something we can take a lifetime to see. You are lucky in a sense, because of this addiction you have to look earlier.

Take a breath. Take control. Give up control when you need to. Minimize the stresses. Create structure where there is none, and maintain it where it exists. Find the beauty in life again, notice that it is all around, just not in the crazy interior of a casino.

Whew! I feel the same exact way. Overwhelmed! I have absolutely no get-up-and-go anymore for anything except gambling. No zest for life. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I'm a single mother of a 13-year-old and a 20-year-old. They both know I gamble, but only my 20-year-old knows how bad it's gotten. I, too, just want whatever this "thing" is that clicked in my brain that says it's ok to blow hundreds of dollars on pushing a button! That's basically what it boils down to. My problem is is that I'm alone (except for my boys and two dogs) and I'm fine with that. I have no desire to share my misery with anyone else.

I hope we find our way through this horrifying part of our lives.

Thank you so much for your kind words... and very awesome advice. and these are things i tell myself daily... but for some reason, i dont KEEP doing them, in spite of what i say. i have post its on my walls of what to do and times to do them daily, alarms that go off, but it seems most times i am too... whats the word for it? exhausted? tired? spent? to even adhere to the little changes. i took a yoga and a poetry class along with the math, trying to get my creativity back, and learn to quiet my spinning mind. i have to take a full course load to have it paid for... and receive my stipend from the military. im not giving up yet. it just frustrates me... there are alot of things in my life that frustrate me right now. and i know my job sucks the life out of me, but i have to use it right now, i have to endure it. when it comes to going to college as a single mom, there really is no better opportunity. i pretty much make my own schedule around my classes... and i cant make the money i make on an hourly rate anywhere else and be able to go, then i would be entirely overwhelmed and consumed. and it gives me time with my little girl.

Im holding on, im just at a crossroads in my life, and i am a much stronger person than i used to be, im not focusing on relationships anymore... just a double rejection would hurt anyones ego, especially after it isnt so grand to start with.
im dealing with my mess... but i just cant fathom why, if im so much better than i used to be, and doing such positive things in my life, that i force myself to do cause i know it will help in the long run... is why do i feel so stagnant and unproductive? like i drag myself through each day... that i cant seem to get excited about anything... or follow through with hardly anything. i lose time even, i honestly dont know how i make it to work on time every day and keep up with my classes, i feel at any moment i could lay down and just quit... and not care at the same time. i know im depressed... but i cant put my life off any longer to deal with my issues, not even in a healthy way, i have to deal with them, as i move forward. if i stop now, i dont know that i will start again, and ive already wasted so much of my life, have to keep going.
I cant be a dealer, doing nothing to get out. I want my daughter to be proud of me... i want to be an artist. i am an amazing artist and designer. i always have been. its my passion, its my calling. I was made to create... i need to find that center again. i need to create.
and honestly, for purpose of society, i need to be able to make money doing it so i can be happy.
You are right, i am INCREDIBLY out of balance, and i honestly dont know what to do about it... im not sure what more i can do.
but i have to just keep going... and hope the fog clears.
especially after tonight at work... apparently some player got angry because i "peeked" at his hand as i dealt it, and told the boss.... we arent suposed to do that, but i got threated to be fired for it. its not biggie... other dealers do it all the time, or worse things that the whole casino could be fined for, and the bosses laugh and joke about it. but this guy, i thought was a nice enough guy, we would chat when he played, he was never mean to me and always pleasant. why wouldnt he just talk to me directly and say hey, please dont do that. ok. wouldnt do it again. problem solved. why the hell would you go complain to the boss, where you KNOW that i could get fired, knowing im a single mom going to college? who does that? who would wish such an awful thing on someone because they "peeked" at your cards joking around with you. because of you 12 dollar bet, you would take away someones livelyhood? cause if i lost my job right now, i would be utterly screwed with nowhere to go... and my daughter with me.

sorry, just had to vent a bit. but i got to get out of there. its killing me. got to keep going with school. got to get it done, im upping my workload. i have to. the sooner i get out of here the better, and the faster i can be myself.

As far as recovery goes, i can help you with that, ive been through the ringer quite a few times, on both sides of the fence if you have any questions, also talk to eastwester. he is amazing.

I'm going to respond, just terribly busy today, wanted you to know I will post or message you later this evening.
I'll be thinking about you and pulling for you all day!