Hi Candcand, We have all done this crazy stuff and we thought for sure we were sick in the head too. You are not alone. It hurts so bad to realize you are out of control and you are feeling the pain right now. But.. you are here and that is the first step. It really is the first step! GA step #1 We admitted we were powerless over our addiction (gambling) - that our lives had become unmanageable. Please please find a GA group and go to a meeting as soon as possible. If you can't find one then spend some time reading here and learning about gambling addiction. Educate yourself on the subject of gambling addiction. I wasn't able to gain any control until I limited my access to my money (cash). I have my ATM card set at $20 a day cash. That way, if I do end up in the casino I can't get money. I don't carry cash and I leave my checkbook at home. First and most importantly, take care of yourself. You can do this!Things will get better if you stop now. You may stumble but pick yourself up and try, try again! It is really hard but you can do it and it's worth it. Hugs! Cher

You are not sick in the head. You have the disesase of compulsive gambling, a mental, phusical and emotional disesase which can be arrested one day at a time by attending GA and following the program and continuing to log on here and checking in with all of us.
Trying to overcome compulsive gambling by willpower never worked for me.

Sorry Candcand, that had happened to me so many times since I start the GF recovery. Honestly truth not until I have my partner took over my finance totally I have no control and no idea when the relapse gonna pop up and haunt me again and again. No money= no gambling is definitely a good too to block and disable the capability to gamble. No gambling addicts will go to the casino with no money and just sit and watch other people play, period. If you have not try yet, please do consider. It will make your recovery road easier... even ever you wwill have another relapse, the damage won't be as bad as before since you don't have much money to gamble at first place.

Hey Candcand....I have thought the very same thoughts many times. Everyone is right...this is a disease that we are powerless too. It consumes your thoughts and keeps you from thinking rationally. Just keep saying I can do this. Keep coming back here. This site has helped me so much. Just to know others are just like me. I have felt so alone for such a long time. Here I don't. I actually feel like I fit in somewhere and have people that care about me. Remember, one day at a timie!

Dear candcand,
That is why you came back and honestly shared your relapse with us here.
You cannot do this without making the honest committment and you ALSO must go to GA and put the hinderances in place.
If we compulsive gamblers get hold of money; we will gamble.
It is an addiction and uncontrollable.
There is nothing wrong with your head, there may be something wrong with your game plan to quit.
You absolutely MUST limit your access to cash or have someone else handle it, for a while anyway.
Going to GA you will learn the steps of the program that helps you to think about this addiction as a disease and how to go about making recovery possible.
By simply TELLING yourself you will quit you are trying to use your willpower and the program is all about admitting that we are helpless and need a higher power, which could be here or God or GA or anything or anyone else to help us.
We are unable to stop as you can see by reading posts that willpower alone never quite does it.
Don't beat yourself up as this is a learning experience and you will get so tired and reach the bottom enough where you will figure out that GA and stopping your ability to get any money will be the way.
Read the posts concerning relapsing and you will see that usually NO or NOT enough hinderances were put into place and GA was not utilized.
You can do this and we ALL understand just what you are going through, the disgust, the tiredness, the feelings of hopelessness, but with GA and here you can find all you need.
Dont' give up, you think you're in trouble now, it can get worse.
Have you started a journal?? here or at home
Have you found a GA meeting??
Does your family know?? someone to be accountable to??
Not many make it the first time.
Think about how you failed to enact the program or make it real enough that you are thinking recovery daily.
Remember .........one day at a time and they do add up.
This is a disease that not even the doctors understand they just know that the fellowship of GA and the empathy from other addicts and working the steps to understand ourselves better does work.
Have you ever gotten the book about the GA 12 steps and started them ??
Come on stay with us and make it happen.
You had a taste of a gamble free life that is why you are beating yourself up,
don't waste time doing that anymore, get going on doing what you need to and make your life gamble free.
We are all here for you.
Everyday always.

candcand, it completely sucks BUT we all get it and why it happens.
It's been exactly 8 days for me, and last night as I left work I was soooooo tempted and didn't because I choose to take right turn instead of a left turn. Ironically right was the road to the highway to get me home and left was the highway to hell!!!
I actually walked into my house last night and said damn it, I did it.... After countless of Friday nights going straight there and losing every penny and putting myself in &1000 in overdraft I choose the right choice and drove my ass home and not only saved my money, buty time, my sanity!!!!!
This will all take time, I know, we know it....we all usually drive on the same road BUT can TRY to say no I have had enough and take back control!!
Making the RIGHT choice last night gave me more strength to keeping moving forward and NOT go down that road.
Day by day, were not perfect. I'm only sharing because it's possible.

Keep coming back your worth it, and it works.

we have to keep coming back. this is a sneaky disease............

Keep coming back, as many others have said. You need to really own the fact that you are in the grips of an illness- an illness that will never go away, but can be arrested. Gambling takes our lives over and you can no longer- ever- win. The only way to start turning things around is by stopping gambling, period, end of story. Once you get there, you can start working on the rest of it.

Dearest candcand,
where are you??
we need to know that you are still with us.
we have been right there where you are and now you needed to change what you were doing because it didn't work.

have you been to a GA meeting ??
have you let loose of you money to someone else ??

you came right back here with honesty and integrity so
let's not give up now, let us know you're here and with us and the program so that we can enjoy recovery together.

I hate life and always have. It never gets better. How can God watch me suffer like I do and do nothing to help me. I am so sick of people telling me God is there for me and nothing ever changes. I have lost countless times. I have perpetually lost at least a couple of hundred times and I still go and blow the money. I am not 430 pounds. I have ballooned up from psychiatric treatments. I have bipolar disorder on top of all this. Doctors and therapists are so full of shit. They do nothing to help people. I have tried quitting. I have tried no gambling at all. I am tried weaning myself. I have just lost in life and have to accept that. I am not strong enough to turn things around. I just don't have it in me anymore to fight. I give up. I am better off dead.

rxtweeter68 - You have come here, so it tells me you want help. You would not be better off dead. We understand your pain. Compulsive gambling will take you to a place where you can feel hopeless, but please believe me, there is hope. There is a better way.

We have found that very few, if any, can stop gambling by willpwer alone. We need one another to realize how we are in the gripes of a terrible addiction that can be arrested, if we do not gamble. Please start off by finding a Gamblers Anonymous meeting close to you and start going. Secondly, ask someone else to handle your finances so that you don't have easy access to cash, then you can't gamble. These are things that you can do to take charge of your life.

My son was recently diagnosed as bi-polar. It is imperative that you stay on the medications the doctor has prescribed. Get on a schedule of a regular pattern of sleep, activity, and waking up at a certain time. Eating healthy foods at regular intervals and getting exercise is imperative. If you are like me, when I was at the casino, I was not getting any exercise, I was not eating on a regular basis, nor was it healthy. My sleep was disturbed from worry about how I woud find money to replace what I had lost. In short, I was not taking care of myself.

Please, please find a meeting to go to and keep coming back here. Read through previous threads. Learn as much as you can about the addiction, so that you understand it is the addiction that is telling you so many of these negatives, that just are not true.

God can and will help you, but we must do the legwork. If we aren't doing any of the things to take care of ourself, how can He help us? He does want life to be better for you. I just came to this awareness this past weekend for myself. I too felt there was nothing left in me to fight. I just could not find any hope or strength to do what was needed. Please, give your money over to someone else to manage. Start going to meetings and doing what they suggest. Life can be so much better for you!

Ditto to new55.
You will not be better off dead and I think many of us have felt that way on numerous occasions. It's part of the cycle of addiction that creates such despair, break the cycle and you'll get there. I agree that finding a Dr. is very difficult these days, but I would keep searching for someone that understands the entirety of what you're going through and get treatment- my son was diagnosed with bipolar and schizophrenia over the summer, so I can relate to the good/bad Dr. part. It is crucial to manage your disease. As far as gambling goes, I feel that seeking help from others with this addiction works best. You can relate to us and we to you, keep coming!
Jay

Dear rxtweeter68,
no, no, no...........
before you truly believe what you are saying, please give the posters here a chance at helping you with advice from others who have gone through just what you are feeling.
This addiction is the hardest thing to beat.
Read the past posts on ideas for staying away.
Also, there are other support groups on this site for bipolar, depression, weight anything and don't forget to continue with the doctors.
I believe doctors and therapists are human so we need to sometimes "search" for the right one. Find a fit.

Sometimes we don't see the work that God is doing in our life........
have you ever read "Footprints" in the sand as he carries us ??

Are you on med for bipolar and how long ??
This needs to level out your moods etc. so please give it some time and then I am sure you will see a difference. I've seen someone just going through this.
You've been given a lot but read here and others have as well, maybe God is getting you ready for something important and quite big, who knows. We grow the most when we are tested.
You don't always have to believe in God to find help, you can just believe in this site or your family or a friend as a higher power and spiritual inspiration to gain the momentum you need to accomplish your goals.
again,
keep coming back
we are here to help
or just to "listen"
whatever YOU want.