30 days ago today I had the worst day of gambling to date. I had tried to quit in December before the new year began but failed after another month of unemployment went by. I had been unemployed since August with no unemployment money. I never dreamed I would be without work for so long. I had mounting bills, racked up credit card debt to stay afloat, sold on Craigslist, went on food stamps, cashed in when my car was hit so I could pay another mortgage and car payment, on and on just to try to stay afloat. I gambled out of desperation. It wasn't for fun or enjoyment like it had been in the past but by now the addiction had already taken hold without me even realizing it, and at the worst possible time.

These last months have been the most confusing, draining and dark days. I felt like I was losing my mind, my self esteem was shot from job hunting and I actually thought I was staring at the door of losing everything, including my credit which was all that saved me during this ordeal.

By the grace of God, bottoming out, fear, panic and being disgusted with myself I walked the last walk of shame into a better life, although I didn't know what was waiting for me on the other side. 30 days later I've landed a job as the accountant at a homeless shelter. Those 5 months were preparing me with compassion for others totally down on their luck in a way I would have never grasped had I not lived it to the extreme I had. Ive been blessed with a higher salary than I've ever had, good people around me and I'm astonished that 1 day after my 30 days quit I will be receiving my first paycheck in 6 months.

I'm 20k in debt from trying to stay alive and gambling. I will be working hard to become debt free again. I try not to think how long it will take. I will remain grateful that with each payment I can say it was money not dumped into the rat hole of a slot machine. The biggest win I ever had was $1750 and that hardly seems worth what I put myself through. I have a lot of anxiety today and developed acid reflux. Second hand smoke was of course unhealthy too as well as lack of food, drink and hours wasted for a few bucks that fooled me into poisoned thinking and living.

I hope to stay strong and I can't wait until I can say it's been 90 days! Anyone who is out there just about to give up hope that it can change may feel better knowing my day finally came and yours will too! I'm glad I found DS and you all as well. Learn from the times you are in the pit. Pass the test before you and new doors can open even if it takes longer than you think it should. My faith and spirit have grown from this awful time. Thanks everyone. Your posts helped me know I wasn't alone and have made a great contribution to my resolve.