Hello Josh,

You are not alone in this fight, please continue reading and understand the profound effect of our addiction. Recovery is workable and doable, we have this saying "one day at a time" and we've been there.... Welcome to DS Family .... Stay calm, today, just for today, you will not gamble, and again, tomorrow, you will not gamble... Baby steps....

You will learn a lot on this site, believe me...

Yours,

FDay

Thanks First Day

Hi Josh-
You found a good place here, we have all gone through what you've described. I can definitely relate to the fact that it's just not fun anymore and you need to try and just stop gambling- sounds difficult and it may be especially in the beginning, but each day you don't gamble, you win. I know that may sound silly right now, but it's true. Since you've indicated that you are suicidal, I strongly urge you to reach out to a local hotline to get your feelings off your chest and begin healing- you should not feel uneasy about reaching out. This is a disease that we share and you need to fight for yourself!
Some in-person support probably would be very good now too, in addition to our group here.
I checked for you based upon your profile and there are GA meetings in your general area- there is one tomorrow night. Gamblers anonymous has a website and you can find more information there about the meeting times, etc. I personally use both DS and GA and have found them both a big part of my ongoing recovery.
It looks like you've spent some time looking over the discussion boards- you'll see we all share some very common experiences and the most common one is that if you stick to it, you will return to better days.
Let me know if I can help more,
Jay

I have walked in your same shoes. Suicide was plan a for getting out of my addiction. I didn't have a plan b. I reached out for help and found it. It took one leap of faith for me, calling an addiction therapist and keeping that first appointment. I am rebuilding my life. Day by day. Welcome here. Please read through the posts.

Hi josh. Welcome to the place where healing begins. I was right where you are 2 months ago. I chose life, and by choosing life, I had to recover from this addiction that was killing me. I had no idea how to do that, but I knew it started with stopping gambling. That was and still is my main goal. I posted, read and used this site as my life line. I do not know how after 13 years of wanting to stop, that I finally am on the right track! It wAs not and is still not easy by any means, but the goal is for this day, this moment,even this second to not gamble. Do you have any sort of support network where you are? Is there a GA meeting you can attend? You have made the first step by admitting you need help. You are in the right place. Welcome,

Hello and welcome to DS. This is from one of my journals :Why do I have all these challenges? I rationalize that I quit drinking, now I have to quit gambling! Is there anything I could ever do in moderation? If I ever want to get out of this hole and quit letting it get deeper, I have to put down the shovel and move away from the hole. What is the matter with me? After every episode it is the same. I am remorseful and grim. I say to myself "Never again", and yet I wind up back at the casino. 3/12
From what you just wrote " I go to get high if that makes sense."
Yes, it makes sense to all of us. We were ALL chasing that high and then chasing it more and more. Then we began chasing our losses. Just trying to "get even". You are not the sickest one here. The truth is, none of us are unique (IN OUR ILLNESS). If you read the archives, you will see your story over and over. And more pain. We have all (I'm pretty sure) contemplated suicide. What if you don't succeed? I knew a guy that ate his gun and had half his face blown off. He survived, and has been through surgery after surgery. Is there really a sure thing? Just imagine the wreckage you leave behind? I'm sure you've heard the saying: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
We have walked in your shoes. I was CONSUMED with the casino. If I wasn't there I was planning how to get there, and how I was going to move around money I didn't have. Again, I say welcome, and keep coming back. ~atticus

same been there, com far this time. i'm seeing a gambling specialist therapist, helps, it's like i have goal to keep, for each time i see her i can say that i haven't gambled. get yourself banned, self excluded asap. it will help you. hang in there. i used to be suicidal too. recovery will be good to you, just try to change.

Hello Josh welcome to the ds family. We have all been to some really dark horrible places due to this addiction so dont feel that you are alone...this addiction seems to creep up on you and before you know it it basically controls your every move and thought. it controlled me for almost half my life. I joined the ds family about 2 months ago and have gained much strenght and support...just knowing that their are other people who know exactly what you are feeling was a lifesaver to me. I would recommend reading previous posts. I must have read about 50 pages of posts in my first couple weeks. If you have any questions, comments, or just want to rant alittle..please feel free. Please join us in our battle one day at a time. take care and best wishes Johnny

Welcome Josh
I also understand what you're going through. It seemed like complete hopelessness for me. I finally hit rock bottom and decided that my life is worth more than dying from this addiction. I asked my brother to go with me to all 7 casinos that I went to. I banned myself for life at each one. When I left the last one, I felt a HUGE sense of freedom. Like a giant weight lifted off my shoulders! You can have your life back too if you quit gambling and take it one day at a time. GA has helped me so much by working the 12 steps. Please stay strong.
Love and hugs
Lisa

Thanks for all of the kind words. I know it will help. I made a little step today in my recovery. I went to the casino which sounds like a horrible thing but I only spent my allotted 20. I walked in with 90 and when I spent my twenty I was able to walk out. I had anxiety wondering if my next spin would be the big one but I was able to walk out. I take that as a step in the right direction.