Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I am almost at the 90 day mark. My husband is a gambler, but does not seek help, and I just found out that he has been lying to me about paying bills. I just want to cry!! I have been working soo hard on myself to have a better life for my family. Then he goes and messes it up!!! There are times when he even tempts me, but I do not give in!!! I know I cannot change him. I have no where else to go if I leave him. But I know to get away from this madness I am going to need to. I cannot turn back to that lifestyle. I cannot!!! Thank you for allowing me to vent!
Just remember, my friend, you are always welcome to express and share what you are feeling with us on this board. That is the essence of it's existence.
I think you know the answer to your question..."What to Do? You must keep focused and continue to do everything in your power so as to keep putting another gamble free day under your belt. I can appreciate the disappointment and frustration you felt finding out that your spouse is not making your journey any easier, nor allowing you to enjoy the fruits of your labor these past 90 days....but don't give up, not now....not ever.
Remember....God grant me the serenity to:
Accept the things I cannot change,
Change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
You cannot control what other people do (or don't do). But you do have control over how you will allow their actions to affect you. Don't let the disappointment of his actions negatively sway all the effort you are putting forth to change your life for the good.
You know that you do not want to return to the gambling lifestyle, to once again revisit the pain and anguish of it's ruins. It's up to you to
make that happen and you're well under you way with 90 hard fought
days! We believe in you and know that your determination and steadfastness will prevail.
Please take care of yourself, and keep forging ahead. We'll be here to support you and listen...keep u the great job Rachel!
Much love, Tagg
First of all, HUGE congrats on the almost 90 day mark. That's an accomplishment to be celebrated, even more so because of the difficult circumstances in which you are living.
You know you can't do anything right now to help your husband. If he's not ready, you need to protect yourself, in your recovery and financially, and emotionally.
Are you in GA or another recover group, or in counseling?
Because now you have the unique perspective of being both the addict AND the addict's victim, and knowledge is power. You know the ways to hide the losses, and being vigilant on the accounts is a necessity. You also know the power of guilt, if he's not ready to quit then he will at least feel guilty enough to let you have control over the money. But be careful, you are still early in recovery, don't let that draw you back in! Is there some trusted third party that can take financial control over for a while for you both?
This is a hard enough battle for us to fight, without getting showered with bullets from someone else's battle. Can HE leave for awhile?
Keep posting.
Resolved2... Thank you for your kind words if advice. I am in counseling, and have been for a while. I have been married for 14 years, and all of those years have been spent being addicted to gambling. He brought me into this. This is the strongest I have ever felt in my life because of my recovery. I know I found out what he did for a reason. I have a lot of planning, and thinking to do. I just know that I cannot turn back to the person I was 84 days ago
Sound advice from both Tagg and resolved... I strongly suggest that you involve a third party to overlook the finances, it's too soon for you to take on that responsibility in my opinion. You need to look after you first and foremost and the added stress, responsibility and temptation would be too much for me at this stage of the game. I sit down with my wife on the 1st and 15th of the month to pay bills and review our finances and I trust that she checks bank accounts, etc. in the interim. I suppose that could be a stop gap in the meantime for a sobering experience for your husband, but a trusted friend or family member to take the sit down with you would likely be the best path.
Best of luck to you, I can't imagine having to deal with that.
Keep up the good work on your recovery,
Jay