Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Well its been a long road the last 6 months or so.
I thought I was special, I thought I could beat the addiction and just play when I wanted to, with a little money here and there, money I could "afford". But the same cycle develops, the money I can "afford" is anything I can get my hands on, and delay paying bills, put off buying stuff for myself, until I get a big win. Then if I win I go buy stuff, or spend some extra money, or pay some bills, I feel I need to go back to "recoup" the cost, but then end up losing it all back and more... Vicious cycle!
The last couple trips were triggered by getting a speeding ticket... I really didn't want to fork out $115, so instead I lost about $900 trying to win the money.
And the toughest part is I am not being honest with my wife, hiding it from her. So even though I haven't lost so much that she would notice, it still affects things like paying for dinner and groceries here and there. And worse, the fact that I don't have her support in trying to beat it because she thinks I have been beating it, I dont think she thinks I have gambled in about 18 months...
I also have a really good job now, which I should be happy about and focus on, even though its only part time it pays more than what I was making as a server in the restaurant. But since its part time I have a lot of "free time". Free time is the devils play thing I guess. I should be happy, I am quite happy with my career now, but yet I still find a way to make my life hard and ruin things, but hopefully if I can stop now I can still turn things around.
I keep track of all my expenses in Quickbooks, and its sickening how much I have lost even though money has been "tight" still with the part time job. Its disgusting looking at it, but I need to forget about it, because I am not going to win it back, I can only work harder, and not let it get any bigger.
I thought I was special, I thought I could beat the addiction and just play when I wanted to, with a little money here and there, money I could "afford". But the same cycle develops, the money I can "afford" is anything I can get my hands on, and delay paying bills, put off buying stuff for myself, until I get a big win. Then if I win I go buy stuff, or spend some extra money, or pay some bills, I feel I need to go back to "recoup" the cost, but then end up losing it all back and more... Vicious cycle!
The last couple trips were triggered by getting a speeding ticket... I really didn't want to fork out $115, so instead I lost about $900 trying to win the money.
And the toughest part is I am not being honest with my wife, hiding it from her. So even though I haven't lost so much that she would notice, it still affects things like paying for dinner and groceries here and there. And worse, the fact that I don't have her support in trying to beat it because she thinks I have been beating it, I dont think she thinks I have gambled in about 18 months...
I also have a really good job now, which I should be happy about and focus on, even though its only part time it pays more than what I was making as a server in the restaurant. But since its part time I have a lot of "free time". Free time is the devils play thing I guess. I should be happy, I am quite happy with my career now, but yet I still find a way to make my life hard and ruin things, but hopefully if I can stop now I can still turn things around.
I keep track of all my expenses in Quickbooks, and its sickening how much I have lost even though money has been "tight" still with the part time job. Its disgusting looking at it, but I need to forget about it, because I am not going to win it back, I can only work harder, and not let it get any bigger.
It sure sounds like we are in the same position. I start my outpatient program tonight. I'll let you know how it goes!
Thanks for the reality check! Wow....
I did actually go to GA for a while, and was going to counselling for even longer... then I stopped going, and the problem is that if I go back my wife will probably figure that I must be gambling... so I need to stop gambling then maybe I can go back after that to some more meetings... but I really dont think she understands.
I need to get it out of my head that I can do "some" gambling, or, a little bit, for fun... if I lose it aint fun, its not fun unless I win, AND if I DO win it turns into more gambling and I lose it back and more so why do I want to put myself through that?
I think the biggest thing I want to change is the dependency... I wrote quite a bit on my blog a while back about fighting the gambling, (and of course stopped writing when I started gambling again) but the thing I always wrote is if you want to be happy, dont gamble on it - and thats just what I was doing, my MOOD was dependent on how I was doing, I wasnt happy, Im not happy, Im irritable, Im depressed, everything revolves around gambling when you are sucked in, even if you think its supposedly "manageable amounts", it never is.
*Sigh* alright, time to begin a brand new day, no gambling involved :) It is the start of a 4 day wknd!!!
Then with a change of luck, I'd reach break even. Did I leave? Nope. I continued gambling, wanting a profit, and then lost it all. Gambling made me the worst possible liar.
I'd strongly suggest you sit down using your free time to work out a budget, How about using any excess cash to earn a nice tidy interest or invest it? Maybe after the US debt ceiling thing is settled, but you might want to start looking at investing in blue chip companies...you'll find it's a nice feeling to watch your money move up and down, whilst earning nice sums of dividends, instead of losing it all in a few games.